Early this year, I shared a goal with you: I would run my first marathon on May 1. Guess what? I didn't run it. My training went well until I hit the double digits. I read up about marathon training, selected a plan for beginners and rose early several mornings a week to run. I did everything right, or so I thought. I struggled to keep myself hydrated and fed properly while dealing with stomach issues on long runs. I fell 10 miles in to a 15-mile run, scraping and bruising my knees. I bonked during my 16-mile run, which is when I talked to Nancy about fueling and pace. (I was running too fast to sustain my pace over long distances, and I wasn't eating enough during my runs.) I rebounded, had a wonderful 15-mile run, followed by a half-marathon in D.C. There, I pulled my hamstring and couldn't walk properly for three days. A sharp pain in my left tibia, which had been diagnosed a year ago as tendonosis, returned and worsened. After a few days of rest, in the midst of moving, I caught a sinus infection, which left me unable to run for a week. When I finally got back out there, my leg wasn't fully healed. That day, as I hobbled home, I made the decision to drop from the full to the half marathon, and later, to defer my entry until next year. Friends who had also run marathons encouraged me through the tough times. One said she had only run as far as 16 miles before race day; another said he couldn't walk up stairs for two weeks after his first marathon. Truth be told, I still could have run, but I likely wouldn't feel great today. There will always be another race, and I am accountable only to myself. Last week, I met with an orthopaedist. After an X-ray and an exam, he determined I have suffered chronic stress fractures in my left tibia. They have mostly healed, which means I can still run shorter distances, but it's only a matter of time until I get another one. We're working to find the root of the problem. Until then, I'm doing a lot of walking and yoga. Truthfully, it's a great reminder to slow down. Four weeks from now, I'll board a plane for Honduras, where I'll spend a week at a raw, vegan yoga retreat. It's my 30th birthday present to myself. That is a priority to me. What if I had run the race, injured myself more, and been unable to go on that trip? Remember that quote I shared with you earlier this year? The one about not making a big deal about things? "We don’t have to make such a big deal about ourselves, our enemies, our lovers, and the whole show." --Pema Chödrön Over the last few weeks, I've returned to that quote. I've refused to get angry, sad, or even frustrated about not being able to run a full marathon right now. I didn't defer because I was scared, weak, or uncommitted. I did it because it was the right decision for my body, and no one gets to judge me for that. I am still a runner. I still respect myself. I am still a fit and healthy woman. I see this not as a failure but an evolution, a chance to learn more about myself and my body. To everyone who did run the full marathon, congratulations. I wish I could have been there with you. I someday hope to cross that finish line after 26.2 miles. This is not that time. I have another confession for you: I don't like racing. I am not a competitive person, I don't like crowds, and I don't like to run with other people. I like the meditative aspect of long runs, the feeling of accomplishment when I'm finished, and the internal and external strength that running awards me. I'm giving up racing for now. I'll still do the occasional 5K or 10K for charity, but I would rather save money and pursue other things that make me happier. Without a training schedule, I'm free to hike, take long walks, and ride my bike. I can join friends for a Spinning class or deviate from my normal fitness routine. I can even take rest days without worrying that I'm jeopardizing my progress. Let my "failure" be a reminder to you: Small goals are worthy of celebration. Walking a 5K, running a mile, exercising for 10 minutes a day--those are all accomplishments of which you should feel proud. You don't have to run a marathon, cook everything you eat from scratch, or bench press your own body weight. I won't feel like a quitter for deciding to change my goal and listen to my body, and neither should you. No one judges you but yourself, and really, cut yourself some slack! Whether you need to lose 100 pounds or you're just trying to maintain a 5-pound loss, we're all fighting the same fight, taking the same journey. We're in this together. My body is unique, and so is yours. What works for me won't necessarily work for you, and what motivates you might not be what inspires me to get off the couch and lace up my sneakers. Love yourself. Have you ever set a goal for yourself, only to discover that it wasn't the right goal for you? Are you too hard on yourself? 
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I wish that I'd listened to my body like you have and whilst its a shame for you that you can't run the full marathon distance you absolutely should be a proud runner, a half marathon is also no mean feat and I wish you all the best in your running and hope that the injuries you've had don't impact on your enjoyment of your running. Report
I admire people who run marathons. The elite athletes that run the NYC Marathon every year, like Paula Radcliffe, make it look effortless but it's not. Running 26.2 MILES is a feat and it is not for everyone. It takes a great deal of commitment, stamina, steely resolve to take the punishment to the body and keep moving forward. It requires a high degree of training. I think marathoning has lately become an obsession, almost a "fad." Recognizing what is and what isn't for us, as individuals and as athletes, is the most important thing we can accomplish. I don't have the mettle for a marathon. I don't think I have it for a half-marathon, either.
Shakespeare wrote, "To thine own self be true." He was on to something... Report
Best wishes and thanks for sharing. Report
Liked your blog. I am sure it hit home to a lot of people.
Have a nice time on your Honduras trip. The yoga retreat sounds great to me! Report
I did finish everything, but I didn't do any of it well or to the best of my ability. The fact that the quality lacked so badly has taught me that while I can accomplish this, it means nothing if I can't be proud of my accomplishments. I am embarrassed of the quality of work I turned out last year ... I only did it because I was feeling pressured by one of my employers and I thought that it would be worth the enormous sense of achievement. That sense of achievement and accomplishment never came to be, which is why I will learn to work within my own bubble of best productivity and never stray from it again. Report
"Small goals are worthy of celebration."
"No one judges you but yourself"
"Love yourself."
I simply loved ur Confession!! You are so positive!!
Stay this way!
Cheers! Report
Great blog. Good work. It takes guts to do that, but you've got them. Fitness-wise, I'm still trying to recover from all the setbacks I experienced a couple of years ago. I could have bounced back faster, but life got in the way.
I have experienced tendinitis in just about every extremity, so I can really sympathize with your pain and the setback. I just want to share with you that I, too, used to see an orthopedist for my problems. It worked at first, but eventually the orthopedist didn't know what to do with me. My physical therapist at the time suggested that I see a physiatrist (physical medicine and rehabilitation specialist) for a second opinion, and I'm really glad she did. I didn't know what specialty that was at the time, but I'm really glad I took her advice. Their training is very different (broader, I think), and they are, imho, much better at dealing with soft tissue injuries (such as tendinitis) and chronic problems than orthopedists. They are not surgeons, so they don't get all excited about cutting things up, but they do have some good remedies. My former orthopedist never figured out that one of my legs was a little bit shorter than the other, and he never really examined my feet as a possible contributor to the problems. My leg issue and my extremely flexible flat feet turn out to be central to my problems, so it has helped to know about these conditions and manage them. Good luck with your recovery. Sorry I didn't see you in D.C. I've been preoccupied, and I forgot the date! Please come back soon!
Janet Report
The lesson I learned was that it wasn't necessarily what I thought I could or should be able to do, it was what my body was capable of doing.
Listen to your body. Stress fractures are one way our body has of telling us something is wrong, as are continuously pulled muscles, muscle strains, shin splints and tendonitis. Report
I wondered what happened when I didn't get any splits for you on Sunday; I was concerned. Pushing out past the 13.1 is a territory of great differences. I bonked in Pittsburgh back in March; thought my stomach would eat itself. That's when I realized I needed to EAT something during the run besides honey; my fuel of choice. I've also learned that just because the 20 mile training run didn't go great it doesn't mean that the 22 won't be awesome; it was. Now I'm into taper mode awaiting that starting line on May 15th in Mississauga, Canada. I'm trying to stay focused on the goal while ignoring all the aches and pains that have accumulated. I do better when things are structured, training or classes, but it would be nice to have an evening where I didn't "HAVE" to go run 10 miles. I miss my bike; it's still filthy from the fall. I'm ready to change things up, but not for a couple weeks yet.
Enjoy your trip to Honduras; you've earned it.
Namaste! Report
I had planned to do the half Ironman last year. I can kill at swimming, I know I can run a half marathon (though I'm fabulously deconditioned), and I hate biking, so about six weeks into the training plan when I was supposed to start doing bricks, I threw in the towel. It was just too much work. I already work two part-time jobs, I don't need a third. I found I was approaching each workout with resentment and dread, and that's not what it's supposed to be about.
I'm much happier and more sane doing short (10-30 minute) workouts like the Spark 28-day challenge. I'm more likely to stick with something if it's not a huge time committment like endurance races are. I wouldn't trade my first marathon experience for anything, and I haven't ruled out doing another some time in the future, but it'll be a LOOONG way off.
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I was wondering if you have heard of virtual races. My understanding is that you choose your course and run your race when you want to. It seems to me that it might be something for you - no early morning wake-up calls, no crowds (but then no party afterward). Just a thought.
Margaret
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First killer, cost of airfair and camping equipment. I stopped camping about 6 years ago and got rid of my gear.
Second deal breaker was I have only been walking as an exercise. You have to hike in with 20 to 30 pound pack and back out each week.
So I have started walking. Found out I can do over 4 miles without too much
pain but I will not have enough time to get in shape and get my application in and approved. I am also looking into slowly purchasing used equipment.
So I have changed my goals, this year will volunteer in June closer to home.
Next year I want to go for Hawaii.
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I really admire the way you have learned to listen to your body and celebrate all of your accomplishment Report
Maybe in the fitness community, we shouldn't presume to think our way is the only way. It's not!
I'm impressed with the process you went through in deciding what was best for you. And how can it be worth pushing yourself with injury that can set you up for more trouble later?!! -- I have injury issues right now that are preventing me from running, but I'm thrilled to still be mobile & able to walk on down the road... Report
Congratulations on your success!! Report