By Beth Donovan (~INDYGIRL)
The stigma of being overweight or of “Being a fatty” is growing globally, according to a recent blog post in the New York Times. Whereas once, a heavier weight represented wealth and the ability to have healthy children, it now represents laziness and sloth to many. Parents were quoted as saying they would rather have their children be anorexic than overweight. To me, an eating disorder is an eating disorder. Why is one where you don't eat more socially acceptable than one where you do? I do have a theory. It is still socially acceptable to make fun of a heavy person, but make fun of someone’s gender or skin color and there would be fallout. Why? "Fatty" chose to be that way, right? Wrong. There are so many reasons people are heavy, but generally “I want to be fat” is not one of them. Genetics can play a part, and so can biology, psychology, environment, and just plain old lack of exercise and proper diet. It is never just a simple fix or a choice to just “be thin.” While many are not “born heavy,” I believe the sentiments in the following song apply to everyone, big or small. To quote Lady Gaga: ““There's nothin wrong with lovin who you are" She said, "'cause He made you perfect, babe" "So hold your head up girl and you'll go far, Listen to me when I say" I'm beautiful in my way 'Cause God makes no mistakes I'm on the right track baby I was born this way Don't hide yourself in regret Just love yourself and you're set I'm on the right track baby I was born this way.” Heavy people are not weak; many diet practically every day of their lives. They may fall off the wagon every day, but they still get back up. They get teased in public by strangers, berated by loved ones in private, have foods pushed on them and then get a talking-to about being on a diet. They get passed up for jobs and promotions, as proven in many research studies. They are not weak. They take a lot and keep going every single day. Pain is also a side effect of being heavy. This is just another reason most people do not want to be heavy and struggle against it. It’s also a reason the general populous considers heavier people to be lazy. It isn’t that they are lazy, it takes more energy to move a bigger body and when pain is involved, it takes more fortitude than anyone without that extra weight, pain, or lack of energy can imagine. This makes it even harder to lose weight. I’m not trying to make excuses here, I’m trying to give you a glimpse from the other side. WHY would someone choose to be fat? Some people do choose to be overweight. It is a choice and one with some very dire consequences. Just the same, there should be no stigma attached. I’m not going to attempt to explain the lifestyle of some who choose to become as big as they possibly can and have people who enable them purposefully with the same goal. Just know this lifestyle does exist. It is not a healthy choice, but it is a choice--one with a short life span and many health complications. Life is hard enough without finding different segments of people to belittle. Here are 5 tips to combat thoughtlessness:
With the global spread of the dislike of the overweight, there is more pressure than ever to lose weight and be healthy. Change can come from pressure, but most often it will come from that place deep inside of you that just gives in. When you hit rock bottom and start to realize you have to take those baby steps and work on the things you can do for the rest of your life. If you have read this, you realize by now that by being overweight in the first place, you are stronger. You have dealt with diets, exercise programs, teasing, bias, and you are still here. Take that strength and run with it! How do you fight fat stigma?
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Studies have shown that making fun of or belittling fat people does not change their eating behaviors. They have to want to change or be forced to change by medical conditions, much as a smoker, drinker, or drug addict has to want to change. And of course, being overweight makes it difficult for people to exercise and when they don't exercise, they become more overweight which makes it even harder to move.
Bullying of any kind is just downright mean. At least schools are making some attempt to address the problem, whereas they used to just ignore it.
I was not overweight as a child, yet my grandmother called me her little "butterball." Maybe she thought it was endearing, but I hated it when she said it ---so it's not only kids who do it. Lots of husbands/wives use worse insults against their spouses. Report
It occurs in all sorts of situations, not just the 'fatty' thing. I recall one time as a young girl working in a big office block and the "rule" of the office was that if you were going up 1 floor or down 2 floors you were to take the stairs, not the lifts. One of the girls I was in the lift with made a comment along the lines of 'dont be lazy, its only one level' to a lady who got in the lift to ride one floor. Now this lady looked healthy and slim. She turned around to my co-worker and said, "honey, I'd be happy to trade backs with you". Turns out she had been in an accident and walking, let alone climbing stairs was very painful for her. I have always remembered that and am very careful not to judge before finding out the facts.
On the other end of the scale, at the same office, we had a lady who Id have to say was morbidly obese. It always saddened me - she was a lovely, lovely lady, and very pretty, but she had this bulk of a body (she was nearly a metre in diameter alone). But, what always annoyed me was at work she told everyone and they believed her about this gland problem which meant she couldnt lose weight. What she seemed to have forgotten, or just didnt recognise me, is that before I got my job I worked after school in her local dairy. She would come in before work and after work and buy enough junk to feed an army. and she did it most days. I never told anyone, or called her on it in private even but that was why she was fat, the choices she made, she may have had gland issues also, but her choices did not help. Sadly, but I guess not unexpectedly, she died of a massive heart attack at around 40yrs old. Her colleagues noticed she wasnt at work in the morning which was unusual for her not to have called so went to check on her and found her, had been out in the garden overnight. Always wonder if I should have called her on her food choices, maybe make her think about them at least. Report
As for being born that way ,, we are born with the same number of fat cells , they get bigger or grow smaller, and how we are raised and such determines alot , Part of me was how I was raised ,, having to clean up my plate or no dessert kind of thing or as I posted earlier I ate out of pure emotion , not that any of this is an excuse but if I had the knowledge then like I do now how to deal with issues, things would have turned out alot differently Report
"well if I see a fat person at a buffet with three plates what am i supposed to think"
I have to comment. I go to the buffet maybe once a year and when I do I am commonly seen with 3 plates in my hand, and yes, I am fat.
Let me tell you why I have three plates... I have a husband who is watching our two children at the table because taking all of them out and letting them grab food at the buffet is a nightmare! I fill all three plates with a healthy balanced meal rather than having my children load them with pizza and desserts.
So think what you will about me and my three plates... I'm happy to carry them! Report
I was taken to my first weight watchers meeting when I was 11 years old!! a friend of my mom pressured her into putting me on a liquid diet when I was in high school. My first year of college , my brothers advice to me : " Dont eat the cafeteria food its loaded with carbs and college guys dont date fat girls" so what did I do went to a "Medical clinic" and survived on 490 calories a day .
And looking back of pictures when I was a child and in high school I was not fat!!!!
Because of judgment from family , peers, strangers etc,,, I grew up with rejection , low self esteem I am just now knowing how to love myself, I married a man who loves me no m atter what , but it still hu rts!
I saw peoples comments and I am not going to call any out by name,, one person on here said , well if I see a fat person at a buffet with three plates what am i supposed to think , my answer is : ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!
i never carried three plates in a buffet but I was one who is a recovering emotional eater and would try to stuff down all the hurt with food, if i see a person like that in the buffet I dont judge t hem I see a hurting person just like I was a few years ago , I am learning how to handle my emotional eating and if we ever go to buffets Im alot wiser in my choices ,
this blog brought me to tears because I can empathize like alot of people here can , being overweight for me was not a choice , true , I did not make great choices when I was older and I blame no one any more , its up to me to change things but in order to do that I had to deal with the issues on the inside first. and I am making prog ress!! Report
or whether the judgement and/or attack were directed at, say an alcoholic or drug addict or someone who picks their nose compulsively, or whatever _____________ is being attacked/judged or picked on.
or if the person wears the symbols or garments of their chosen religion.
or if the person were left handed or right handed... or does not have the trappings of modern society & money, such as cell phones, designer clothes/cars, etc...
people make the judgements/attacks.
should we condone it?
it is difficult to change these kinds of things and this is why we have to have the courage to say enough is enough... I stand against this and btw, here's are some ideas on how to stand against this pervasive fatitude attitude and bashing that is regularly heaped on people who are overweight.
Kudos to you Beth and to everyone who has stood up and said so, here, now. Please continue to have the courage to do what you can as you can... this is where and how change begins... Report
It isn't about being born one way or another. My use of the quote was about self love. If all you got out of that whole quote was that people are born fat... well, I just don't know what to say.
"I believe the SENTIMENTS in the following song apply to everyone, BIG OR SMALL. To quote Lady Gaga:
““There's nothin wrong with lovin who you are"
She said, "'cause He made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way.”"
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Being morbidly obese is a very hard way to live. Of course people are going to look at us. It is ugly. I hate being this way. But trying to get people to change the way they think about me - is not a priority high on my list. I have to change myself - because I am not healthy.
I am overweight for a lot of reasons. I like to eat. I love sedentary activities. I haven't found the exercise that I love and therefore don't expend the energy I need to in order to compensate for my calorie intake. For 24 years I have battled this unsuccessfully. My mother was overweight after giving birth to 5 babies. My father gained his weight later in life. My grandparents were all overweight most of their lives (based on photo's I have of them). Most of my siblings are as well - except for the one who starves herself on a regular basis.
Even though I have empathy for other folks who are overweight (because no one really likes to be this way) - and I teach my children to not make fun or tease people because of it, I really believe it does come down to the choices we make and we are responsible.
Granted - my doctor just upped my thyroid hormone meds - and since that last increase I have lost 30 pounds - but - I also have stuck to eating only veggies, lean meats, whole grains and fruits with a little dairy thrown in - completely cutting out sugar, processed foods and fats (eating only about 1200-1500 calories a day). So a lack in thyroid hormone didn't cause me to gain over 100 pounds. I still have a very long way to go - at least another 70 pounds. Everyday it is a battle.
You said 'heavy people are not weak.' You are right -
It isn't fair to generalize - but ... I am very weak.
You said babies are not born fat? My father was 15lbs 15 oz when he was born (and grew to be a man over 6'4" - and was not considered a fat adult until he was in his late 50's). I was over 9 pounds. 2 of my sons were over 10 pounds ( and I was at a normal weight when I had them - but I praise God that both of them have inherited their father's metabolism and are thin and healthy ( and tall 6'2 and 6'5"). I gained my weight as a stay at home mom who stopped being active and moving around and enjoyed eating too much.
I guess I am tired of the excuses we make for ourselves as obese people. Yeah - it is very hard to be overweight - but the facts are - I did this to myself - I have no one to blame but me - so I need to get over it and make the changes necessary to be healthy again.
Besides - at that point, people will just find something else to make fun of me for.
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I guess if you're looking at things superficially, you could say that no one chooses to be fat. But I know myself. Even though I didn't choose to be fat, I chose to let my exercise habits fall by the wayside when I started working. I chose to eat big, unhealthy lunches at work, only to go home and eat a regular dinner. When I was in law school, I'd go to a student group meeting and eat the pizza there, meet my boyfriend for lunch an hour later, then eat dinner later that night. I chose to do that. It didn't just happen to me because of my "metabolism" or "genetics." I may not have chose the consequences, but I literally have no one to blame but myself. Report
For instance, I'll never forget the lunch that I had with a good friend who was complaining about her inability to lose weight. "No matter what I do, I just can't lose weight! It must be my metabolism." What was in front of her? A grilled cheese sandwich, French fries, and a large chocolate milk shake. What was in front of me? A lunch salad (dressing on the side) and a glass of unsweetened iced tea.
I have been thin and I have been fat. My weight has always borne a direct relationship to the choices that I've made, however, I know this isn't true for everyone. My mother, for instance, took a medication to treat breast cancer that made her gain a lot of weight. She ultimately lost all that weight - and then some - as she lost her fight with cancer.
When it comes to drawing conclusions about another person's weight, there is no "one size fits all." And there's still no excuse for treating people with anything other than dignity. Report
For my 50th birthday I challenged myself to do a fitness class at my gym for each 10 years. 5 for 50. I completed 5 hours of fitness classes in 7 hours. Something not many could do.
I was talking with one of my spinning instructors one day after class and it had been an interesting class. As there had been a couple of new people in the class. They were 20 somethings and about a size 2 or 3. They both had a hard time keeping up and had to stop several times to rest. I on the other hand matched the cadence of the instructor. However if someone who did not know us was to be asked to say who was person in the best shape they 20 somethings would likely be picked not the big girl. Whne in reality the bit girl was kicking the skinny ones butts.
My point is that just because someone is big does not mean they are out of shape. Lazy and do nothing but eat.
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I just don't care what people think (so now I'm a bitch!- and I'm ok with that)
What matters is how you feel about yourself- I feel great! How about you? Report
I'm sure there are health conditions, that can't be so easily cured and cause obesity. But these are not 100% of all fatties. The majority just ''CHOSE TO BE FAT''. Chose not to exercise, chose to get pleasure from food, chose to look that they. And I'm sure they are ready to pay the price for that - to be laughed at at school, be discussed, be blamed.
Slender people pay another price: 5-times a week exercise. Celery instead of chips. Carrots instead of candy. 2 liters of water every day, and no soda. A piece of cake once in two months... and lots more. Well instead you get rapt attention, compliments, control over your body, energy and health.
I wasn't born this way. I was born beautiful and healthy! Let's not abuse ourselves and then shift responsibility to "born this way".
(: Report
Sometimes things are not excuses, but instead are reasons.
I am only asking people to show humanity, compassion and kindness, despite size.
WHY is it an argument here to treat people with dignity? (All people) Report
What can I do about it? I've taught my daughters to care more about who and what a person is than what they look like. I've taught them to respect themselves. While 2 of my daughters are overweight, and built suspiciously like my side of the family, they are strong and healthy with advanced belts in Tae Kwon Do. At nearly 50 I've finally learned to be kinder to myself and that I shouldn't believe most of what people say about size if their intentions are unkind. I challenge fat stigmatizing comments just as I would racist, sexist or homophobic remarks whenever I can. Not for their benefit--for mine and for my daughters. Report
So yes, while people make excuses for themselves and excuses aren't going to help them, I think we should be more encouraging rather than condescending and mean, which is what I felt was the original sentiment of the blog. My parents are obese. I know how hard it was for me to lose this weight. Why would I approach them negatively and ridicule them if what I want for them is to successfully lose weight? Report
Sometimes people need to be educated to become aware of their learned behavior both in the way they treat others and in how they treat themselves. Great blog and comments, people! Lots of unique perspectives to ponder on. Keep on speaking out, please. Report
I have a question for those of you who say that being fat is a choice they make by eating the wrong foods and leading a sedentary lifestyle: does that make it right for the rest of the world to judge them??? If you, for example, had an extraordinarily big nose, should people be able to make fun of you for that because you could have surgery to correct it but do not??
You seem to be losing sight of the main issue, which is that no one has the right to judge another by their appearance. A fat person is no less a person than a skinny person. They have the right to look any way they do and still be treated with respect. Who but themselves are they hurting? Why does society think they have the right to turn their noses up at them, to judge them, to tell them how to lead their lives? Never mind the fact that most fat people do wish it were different, do know they are fat, do try their best to make it change. Get off your soap box and worry about yourself.
I am fat, have been for most of my life. I am a lawyer, hold a responsible full time job in my community, I am a mother, a wife, I care for my family and my home, I am on the board of my son's cub scout pack and a co-den leader, I am his hockey team's team mom, I have helped to coach his baseball team, I have been on the board of his baseball leagues directors, I help out the PTO when I can..shall I continue? How dare anyone look at me and decide that because I am fat, I am lazy? I am not sitting at home eating bon bons..I dare most people to walk in my shoes for a day, as my days generally start at 5 am and run non-stop until 9 or so.. Lazy? I don't even know the meaning of the word.. Fat? Yes, I know the meaning of that word, and begin every day with the resolve to change it. Some days are more successful than others, but I never stop trying.
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