I love my wife. I also love food. A new study shows if I want to steer clear of gaining even more weight I better keep on loving my wife and do everything necessary to avoid divorce.
You've probably seen the research that shows men who get divorced tend to get fatter.
Interestingly enough, women who get married get fatter; women who get divorced tend to lose weight.
This isn't news to my wife. She has long sworn by the divorce diet. Not that she has a lot of failed marriages to use as data for a personal study, but she was married once before and it was after that union that she got into perhaps the best shape of her life.
And then I came along to ruin it.
So now we face a conundrum: We stay married, and she has the better odds of gaining weight. Or we get divorced and she slims down while I pork up.
I don't mean to joke about divorce. I know it's a serious subject. But I just can't help taking jabs at this recent study.
The first headline I saw was, “Weight gain hits women after marriage, men after divorce.”
The accompanying story noted:
“Clearly, the effect of marital transitions on weight changes differs by gender," lead author Dmitry Tumin, a doctoral student in sociology at Ohio State University, said in a university news release.
His team looked at weight gain in the two years following a marriage or divorce among more than 10,000 people in the United States surveyed from 1986 to 2008."
The study didn't go into a lot of detail as to why major weight gain is more likely for men after a divorce and for women after marriage.
Study co-author Zhenchao Qian, a sociology professor, theorized, "Married women often have a larger role around the house than men do, and they may have less time to exercise and stay fit than similar unmarried women.
“On the other hand, studies show that married men get a health benefit from marriage, and they lose that benefit once they get divorced, which may lead to their weight gain."
Here's my theory: Bull....oney! From what I've seen – and experienced – it's marriage that makes both sexes gain weight. While my wife can blame the two kids for her weight gain, I can simply blame the fact I've been eating for two before, during and after her pregnancies.
For the sake of fair reporting, I have to say our kids are now closing in on 14 and 12. That old excuse excuse about “baby weight” ain't gonna cut it no more, honey. (Please don't tell her I said this – I tend to get real tough when I am writing but wouldn't say such a thing to her in person!)
OK, so why do we gain weight after marriage?
According to a story I stumbled upon while surfing the web, there are the nine major reasons. Um, I can check off just about EVERY reason except one! How about you?
Frank Sinatra sang, “Love and marriage, love and marriage. Go together like a horse and carriage.”
I'm not horsing around when I say that love and marriage go together like... well, like eating like a horse and growing a much bigger carriage!
The way around this is rather simple. Start working out together and make a vow to eat the same meals – and make those meals healthier!
Ready to divorce your bad habits and make a vow to shape up with the one you love?
I now pronounce you man (or woman) and life!
“Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had.”
Did you and/or your partner gain weight after marriage? Do you agree with the study's findings?
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