The First Day I Decided to Live Again

By , SparkPeople Blogger
I reach
Through beams of dusty light
Falling to the earth
Through all of their prisms and geometry
Past the wind that dances on my skin...
And I want to know
Am I the only one who sees it?
Here, right now?
In this frozen moment of time?
There is something so mystical about the ordinary.
How could I have missed it yesterday?
The ordinary, that’s the beginning of change. 
Bedridden at 460 pounds, I had become very complacent. After all, there was nothing I could do, I thought.  Getting out of bed and rejoining the world seemed to be an immense journey that would take years and willpower that I just didn’t have.  I got tired and depressed just thinking about trying to get out of my situation.
The day I decided to live was not some miraculous moment in time.  It was a “Why the heck not try this since I’ve tried everything else” kind of moment.  Amazingly enough, the tips from Dr. Oz’s book, YOU on a Diet and SparkPeople taught me to take things slowly and work with my body instead of against it.
I had to learn to take things slowly, work smarter, not harder, and change up my life to include more than food.  This was crucial!  My days consisted of staying in bed eating and doing anything I could from there.  That’s a small world.  The chronic pain didn’t help.  Somehow I had to reach beyond that and find friends and support, which I found on SparkPeople.  This gave me courage to reach out in the real world.
Thus that day, I realized that I had to replace my ordinary life with something different.  It didn’t need to change with a bang, it just had to change, and so it did with the throwing upward of my hands and saying “Why not, I’ve tried everything else, what have I got to lose?”  With those changes comes empty space.  What do you do with the time you would have been pleasantly eating or sitting?  Find pleasant alternatives, discover or invent yourself.
Somehow this half-hearted throwing up of the hands effort took a turn.  The first few weeks and things I tried yielded results for a change.  Then I read and studied SparkPeople writings and YOU on a Diet like a college student would their classroom texts.  I wanted to do everything right.  This, in my opinion, was the last shot I was taking at losing weight.
Never stop taking last shots, I haven’t.  I’m still in the trenches fighting the good fight with you.  Remember to fill your life, not your stomach.  If that isn’t easy at this time, work on it any way you can.  That will be a saving grace. 
To date, I’ve lost 153 pounds I take it day by day.  This has taught me patience and has even taught me to slow down and think on a day-by-day, meal-by-meal basis.  I feel for the first time in life like I am searching and the journey is the best part.  The main thing I’m trying to find now isn’t weight loss.  I honestly think it’s something more fulfilling.  Weight loss is a major part of the journey.  It all started with a half-hearted “Why not?”  It’s that I took that “Why not” and did something that made all the difference.
Don’t wait for fireworks, perfection, the right day, or anything else.  Just start making better choices now, because, well… Why not?
What’s holding you back from making better choices today?

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EVIE4NOW 10/15/2020
Love Beth's journey but this article is 9 years old. I have seen one blog that she was around 220 or 230. I would love an update on her progress. Report
RACHAEL2020 7/28/2020
Beth, you look great. You have given me the inspiration to keep trying to lose weight. Report
LEANJEAN6 6/6/2020
inspirational Report
CECELW 1/28/2020
I never grow tired of reading about this journey Report
Thanks for sharing this one, Beth!!! Report
I have no doubt in my mind, that you can do it Beth!!!1,2,3, G0!! You can do All things thru Christ Jesus who stregthens you!!! Report
Thank you Beth for being our inspiration! Report
Congrats on progress and the continued journey. Report
Congrats! Report
thanks. you inspire Report
I hope she is doing well now, last posting in 2013.....wish we knew more. Report
Incredibly inspiring! I'm so happy for you! Report
You inspire me to continue. Thank you. Report
Great motivation one day at a time. Report
Amen, Sister! I've read this article about 5 times now. I always get so much back. You are a great motivator and inspiration to me. Thank you so much for your persistence and determination. It gives me renewed motivation each time I read it. I've saved this article and will refer back often. Report
So awesome! What bravery! She stepped out in Faith! Report
I love this blog Report
Thanks for the insight. It really helps. I really admire your spirit. Report
nice article........way to go lady. I could so relate in a different way. years ago I was just going throught the motions of life. I wasn't really living life to my fullest. I had started therap for my bad childhood and I didn't feel good or like life. So one day I got up dusted myself off and said I am going to do this. I am going to live life at my best. And now I try to do that. So lady keep up the great work.........You can do this..........Yea 4 U........ Report
Way to go Beth! You are awesome! 153 pounds is an enormous accomplishment. God Bless insight and inspiration. Keep up your amazing journey, one day at a time! Report
I love this article, thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day! Report
Beth you are such an inspiration! You give me hope!! Report
You're truly an inspiration. I am really impressed by the way you expressed yourself. I have a good feeling for my journey. Thanks
Wow Beth, amazing!! You are an inspiration! Thank you for sharing! Report
Beth you have done great. Please help me. I desperately need to lose 40 lbs. MY blood Pressure is out of sight. I have taken 3 blood pressure meds aday. Plus I have had several back surgeries which limit me from a lot of exercise. I need all the help I can get and I know you know how. Good luck in the future, hope to hear from you. Report
Beth, you are such an inspiration. Thanks so much for this wonderful blog and congrats to you on your sucess. I will be here when you cross the finish line.

Sunny Report
Beth.... 153 pounds.... WOW WOW WOW

You are just amazing, and you look beautiful -- Rejoice in yourself, Beth!! Report
WOW 153 lbs gone that is awesome. I love the saying fill your life not your stomach that is a great one for me to live by too. Report
"Remember to fill your life, not your stomach." What a great thought!
You are an inspiration! Report
This is so good! Thanks for the inspiration! Report
Congratulations and thank you for posting. Report
just goes to show the power of never say "Never". You're an inspiration Beth, 150+ pounds is a lot of weight to loose and its a lot of Life to gain :o) Report
Thank You Beth for the inspiration, I'm a 66 year old newbee who has carried about 100 extra pounds for 30 years. I now feel that I can do it to. Thanks Again: Jim Report
That was a great blog. You gave us lots to think about. Keep up the great work. Report
Congratulation Beth, your story is very inspirational. Keep on your journey you will accomplish your true goal. Report
Very inspiring, Report
Thanks for sharing your wonderful accomplishments and new attitude. You have found the key!! Finding a meaning and purpose to life will fill in that empty time since you're no longer eating. As we approach Christmas, you might try searching God's Word , especially the book of John, to discover just how much you are loved by Him. Wishing you the best for your continued journey. Report
What an inspiration you are to everyone-whether or not you have to lose weight. Thank you for giving us your story, I am sure you have helped more people than we know. Continued success~~ Report
Loving this blog! I have been a 'fan' of yours on SP for a while now. You are truly an inspiration to me. Report
Thanks for another wonderful post Beth. That's very wise advice and I'm glad to have had the reminder. Wishing you lots of love and light. Report
I've never been an "emotional eater" but have found Roger Gould, M.D.'s book "SHRINK YOURSELF" to be of great help with dealing with stress. He says it is the reason we regain and we have to learn to handle it. As Roseanna-danna on Saturday Night Live would say "It's always something." Report
You have such a great attitude! Congratulations on your success thus far and your continued success. You have done an amazing job and look fantastic! I can see the sparkle in your eyes and you have a lovely smile. I love reading your blogs because they are so upbeat and inspire others to do the best they can to have success like you've experienced. Thank you for sharing your story. Report
oooo that made me feel soo much hope Report
Congratulations on the steps you have taken so far to change your life. What a change. Be proud of yourself because your the one that did it. Stay strong. Report
You're an inspiration! Thanks for sharing. Report
YOU ARE AMAZING, LADY!! You are certainly embracing life in a positive way. Report
I loved that line too Fill your life- Not your stomach. Quoted you on my Huddle today! You are amazing!
Pat Report
Beth, one of the first blogs read since returning from an amazing month long cruise/family visits. Inspirational and helpful in getting me settled back into SP. And of course getting back on track...Thanks, girl. Report
Love your blogs, Beth. They're so sane! Report
Inspiring! Report