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What a journey! I have used sparkpeople off and on for the last few years and have seen so much success. Two years ago I lost 40 plus pounds through hard work, dedication and support. However, life became very unbalanced and out of control. As did my weight. I ballooned to my highest weight ever. At my last doctor's appointment I weighed in at a unbelievable 465 pounds. Since then I am guesstimating that I have gained an additional 10 pounds which puts me at or around 475. Yes, 475 human pounds. Did I know I was this big? No. I never saw myself as this large. My health, on paper, was great. No HBP, no cholesterol, or diabetes, all the things that people use to measure whether or not they are fat. So I was good, right? I could walk, go up and down stairs, fit comfortably in my car, still buy clothes in most stores so I was fine. Then one day I realized, I could no longer walk without being winded, stairs became a daily fear, my car suddenly got too tight, and clothes shopping became limited to two stores. And then the doctor's appointment. "You officially have high blood pressure." Blood pressure that could only be controlled through medication. I was at risk for a stroke at the age of 33. As I walked out of her office I began shuffling through the papers and saw one that stopped me in my tracks. The words jumped off the page. SEVERELY MORBIDLY OBESE. Who? Me? Surely, they had given me the wrong check out papers. Who was I fooling? Myself. Everyone else saw all of those 465 plus pounds. Everyone except me. How had I gotten here? A miscarriage, a failed relationship, two lay offs, a child diagnosed with ADHD, the death of two close family members, the separation from a sibling, coupled with an overall lack of self control contributed to this weight.

Now here I sit again, turning to my old friend, spark for help. I have to find myself. Under all the layers of pain, hurt, loss, disappointment, fat, I have to find myself again so that I can fly. I can not allow myself to be subjected to this life anymore. I am barely living. I have to be here for my daughter, for myself. So here goes nothing! Let the weight loss and more importantly LIVING begin!

Member Since: 11/25/2014

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