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Today (1/28/2020) is a miracle day for me, because it's the first time in several years that I've visited SparkPeople.  Back in 2013, I went on the Ideal Protein Ketogenic diet and lost 4 lbs shy of 100 lbs in about 8 months. (more of that story is below). I kept it off for about 4-5 months before I slowly worked on gaining it back. I say worked on it, because I didn't trust myself being a thinner version of me.  It felt ... unsettling.

While I LOVED the way I looked and the success I was finally experiencing - not "being broken after all" - after trying SO MANY different diets and only losing 20 lbs at most on them.  On the other hand, I was having a hard time dealing with the internal fear spectrum that change meant for me.  I kept wondering who am I, would I, could I be as a thinner and healthier version of myself.  As I kept losing pounds, I simply dazzled. I could feel my own SUPERSHINE glowing from the inside out ... and that felt like ... too much attention. 

I felt too many eyes were upon me and I didn't like it. I felt beholden to be "better" somehow as a thinner person. As a person who finally lost so much weight.  I wasn't ready to be a "role model" even if it was to a few.  In my mind, I needed to feel whole and complete on the inside before I could reach this long-held weight-loss goal. Since I didn't feel I was there - I didn't feel worthy to cross the threshold of 100 lbs lost FOREVER or go any further on my weight loss journey.

WOW!  This is the first time I've articulated what I experienced in this way.  Wow!  Another miracle in this miraculous day!

Anyway, since then I've engaged in therapy, an incredible amount of introspection and worked on discovering what matters most to me ... and it's not a thin body.  Nope - its a peaceful and joyous mind and Spirit!  That's what truly matters most to me.

And I now know that peacefulness and a Joyful Spirit is a moment by moment, day to day experience in staying grounded, open, accepting and living without struggling to "order perfect" and keep everything in it's unreal glossy - please God don't move too fast or breathe too hard and knock it all out of place" place.

Peacefulness is truly about living with humility and acceptance of the divine in this world - even when it shows up in your life looking very un-divine. LOL!. Peacefulness is also knowing, and being okay with knowing, that I don't have to be "PERFECT" or a "Role Model" I just have to be ME.  Allowing and accepting all of my myriad experiences and expressions, fears and faults, achievements and wisdom to exist and flow through me.  And I can choose to share it with the world ... or not.

Being comfortable in my skin. Comfortable with my choices. Comfortable with the inevitable setbacks and progress and  CHANGE.  Being comfortable with CHANGE that's K-E-Y.  Because that's what I was afraid of and scared about dealing with trying to define and contain myself in a definition of me as a "thinner woman" a "sexy woman" an "accomplished woman - at least from the perspective of allowing myself to be .... oops, no, not mySelf but rather my BODY to be in a healthier, stronger, fitter, and leaner state of being.

There's no need for me to feel split, apart - on a pendulum of either "I'm this ? or I'm that?".  Rather, truth be told, "I'm ALL."

And ironically, now that I know and claim this in my whole Spirit - I think that's what led me back here - today. I received a new post from Indygirl & NewsparkDebbie and something in me said, go check it  out - even though I haven't even noticed the hundreds of posts I must have received from them over the years since first joined SparkPeople in 2013.  But I did go to the post, and it was – not at all what I expected -  people sharing about their pets and being empty nesters. LOL! 

But that led me to see IndyGirl's photo ... and I remember her... she inspired me hugely back when I first joined SP.  She shared how she got herself from being bed and wheelchair bound to walking a 10k and losing over 150 lbs by starting with lifting water bottles and cans of soup over her head each day from her bed. So, I wanted to see how she's doing, and I read her updated bio and saw her before and after pic and again I feel so very inspired by her continued progress, commitment and accomplishments.  She stayed the course!!!

And then I saw another inspired and beautiful face on her page, and I was drawn to visit her page, and I read how despite many physical and mental challenges, she is back here on SP again ready to begin again!  Hallelujiah!!!

And, I was just so moved!  Because in spite of it all - all the things that have and can hold us back - there is that one thing that can and does forever obliterate it all - our Faith.  Our Faith in the Highest Power that created us and fuels us and keeps us going still.

I believe.  I know that God was behind every miraculous moment that led me back to Spark People today. He led me to contemplate and see the Truth of my journey thus far … and feel excitement for what is yet to be!
I just decided  - now – that I AM BACK!
I'm back to resuming my journey to greater health and fitness.  When I was here before I had a daily affirmation that I said every day, many times a day, like a mantra. 
I have said this mantra often over the years, too, but not daily.  I remember how saying it aloud and often, religiously, made me experience the Truth and Power in those words on the inside and I began to watch my outer body resemble them.

I plan to repeat this mantra again - daily - every morning and every evening and throughout the day.
Yes,  381   ABSOLUTELY!!! 
Thank you IndyGirl and Carol for inspiring me today!  Thank you for sharing your beauty! May we all continue to encourage each other during our journey! May God continue to Bless every cell in our body and every loved one on the planet!  AMEN!

Post written 2/11/2014
Hi Beauties!!!

So, I'm back, thank God! Back on track, back to lose another glorious 100 lbs and eager to begin - for real this time! I took a break around October, slowly added in more fat and a few more carbs through cheese and nuts mainly. Over Christmas I let myself indulge in potatoes, macaroni and cheese, bread and some sweets. But honestly, it was just "okay." My absolute favorite indulgence was the delicious taste of popcorn again and the flaky crust on a Chicken Pot Pie. Those will likely always be my faves - since childhood.

The great good news is that I didn't feel compelled to binge out or over indulge pretty much keeping to my same low carb breakfast and lunch each day and pretty much the same for most dinners. Since the start of the New Year, I tried to get back on track with an more rigid low carb diet without relying solely on Ideal Protein products. But I kept being tempted to eat popcorn, nuts and some sugar due to stressors at work primarily.

Well, enough is enough with that! I've gained back 14 lbs since my 12/14/13 picture and I'm not at all happy about that! There is no going backwards - that road is long since dug up and GONE! I'm only moving forward. So, I recommitted to doing what I know WORKS! Re-joining Spark People, checking in, weighing in, tracking my daily intake, drinking my water, using the help of supplements to keep me feeling full and reduce my sugar/carb cravings - and of course multiple times a day - daily prayers and affirmations! There is only life I want to live and that's a STRONG, FIT, LEAN and HEALTHY LIFE TODAY & EVERYDAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! I'm Back and I'm ALL IN! THANK GOD, Thank all of you generous souls! WE CAN DO IT!!!!


I joined Spark People back in January of 2013. I started following a low carb diet following the Ideal Protein Weight Loss Program back on December 14, 2012. In an 8 month period I lost a total of 87lbs and 78 inches all over my body!!!!! I ended the year at 96 lbsm 84 inches GONE FOREVER!!!! I am THRILLED and GRATEFUL! I now am an ABSOLUTE BELIEVER in ANYTHING IS ACHIEVABLE AND POSSIBLE! Just stay the course and maintain the VISION of what you MOST DESIRE to become manifest in your life!

Last year, I adopted my new LIFE mantra: "Nothing can taste as GREAT as living a Strong, Lean, Fit and Healthy LIFE Feels - NOW, Today and Everyday for the Rest of my life!" With each inch and ounce I release, I am further reminded of this Truth!

I've indulged in a lot of decadent eating in my life. I've even enjoyed a great deal of it. But I've never, consistently had the PLEASURE OF LIVING IN A STRONG, FIT, LEAN AND HEALTHY BODY!

I want this for myself!
I deserve to live this experience for the rest of my life!
I claim this Vision!

So, this is my faithful and solemn pledge:

I promise, to myself, to hold and protect this Vision of LIVING in A Strong, Lean, Fit and Healthy Body NOW, TODAY and EVERY DAY for the rest of my life.

I promise to make PHYSICAL, MENTAL, EMOTIONAL and SPIRITUAL choices that will honor and uphold this commitment to myself!

I promise to LOVE myself fiercely, and be compassionate with my Body as it manifests this VISION into a TANGIBLE, PHYSICAL REALITY!!!



I've been overweight since I was about 5 years old and my pediatrician suggested to my mom that I lose 20 lbs, because even as a 5 year old, I had shapely thighs and calves and rounded hips where most kids are just skinny sticks at that age. My mom thought I just looked so cute that she couldn't possibly put me on a diet.

Well, I just kept rounding out, as it were. I have only weighed below 200 lbs as an adult when I was 18-20. I graduated from high school weighing in at 220 lbs. I spent a year in India on a spiritual retreat, and during that time I lost 65 lbs (from walking everywhere and maintaining a sugar free and vegetarian diet). However, since I hadn't tried to lose the weight, I really couldn 't comprehend the loss in my head. You know, the "fat girl's dysphoria". I just kept seeing myself as heavy, even though I weighed at my lowest 155 lbs. My personal image was so skewed that once I returned to the U.S. and went shopping for clothes with my mother, I called her into the fitting room with me because I was so upset and scared. I told her, "Mom, we are going to get kicked out of here, and maybe arrested if you don't stop changing the tags in these clothes!!!" I just couldn't believe that the sewn in tags showing sizes 10 and 12 were real, as I'd never worn that low a size before.

Sadly, since I couldn't accept myself as thin nor deal with the positive male attention, I began to put on the pounds again as cover. Thankfully, lots of self-work and therapy has helped me be happy with me and learning to truly love and accept myself. I've also learned a lot about how the body processes foods and just how my body works.

It's a journey, but I feel finally ready and with the right program (I pray!) Ideal Proteien to help me shed the unneccessary pounds so I can live a JOYFUL, HEALTHY, FIT, STRONG, and LEAN lifestyle for my remaining years!

I'm grateful to the support I've received on this site, and I look forward to posting more of my success pictures and stories here I lose my next 100 lbs!!!

P.S. I'm looking for a walking buddy in MD who lives in the 20912/20910 zip code, so if you're interested and available let me know.

I wish you ALL JOY & SUCCESS in achieving your personal goals! - BLISS!

Member Since: 12/31/2012

Fitness Minutes: 5

My Goals:
To strictly follow the Ideal Protein Weight Loss Protocol for Phase 1 until I achieve my weight loss goal of wearing a size 10/12 and weighing at most 175 lbs!

To love myself fiercely with each positive healthy choice I make, thought I think, food I eat, and step I take!

To support others journey with compassion and joy and stay open to receiving their loving support in turn!

To trust the process and God's constant Grace that has always supported my Highest Good!

My Program:
Strictly following a low carb diet close to the Ideal Protein Weight Loss Program

'"If you're tired of starting over quit giving up!"

"Just don't give up. Time does not matter, screw ups do not matter, failures are not ends, they are speed bumps. There is no more wagon to fall off of, there is only the journey. Make small changes and tweaks that you can sustain for a lifetime. Adapt your eating plan to your lifestyle, not the other way around. Then you will see the changes come. Just don't give up. " - ~INDYGIRL

I AM a REVOLUTIONARY - committing to radically change my quality of life for the better, one choice at a time, one day at a time!!!

Personal Information:
I live in Takoma Park, MD

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

Other Information:
- Amen, Hallelujiah! I LOVE THIS REMINDER!!!

R....Refuse to quit
O....Overcome all obstacles
A....Account for all my
R....Reach all of my goals

I must R.O.A.R, R.O.A.R, R.O.A.R

You are what your deep driving desire is;
As your deep driving desire, is your will;
As your will, is your deed;
As your deed, is your destiny.

- Maitri Upanishads

Take control of your destiny. Believe in yourself. Igonore those who try to discourage you. Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits. Don't give up and don't give in.
- Wanda Carter

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.

- Beverly Sills

Remember that this is not hard!!! You know what hard is.....Hard is not having the ability to do it.....I have the ability!!!

I WILL run out of excuses

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    YOU are an inspiration! You've made awesome progress. Keep up the good work. Can't wait to see your Turkey Tackle Entry! emoticon
    1852 days ago
  • v JIBBIE49
    emoticon Happy Birthday DONE GIRL

    The symbol for Cancer is the Crab, with its protective shell. People with this Sun sign are sometimes also called "Moon Children," because the Moon is the ruler of the sign.
    In Cancer the Sun is receptive and moody. You are a very sensitive person who is easily influenced by your environment. You are likely to be exceedingly protective of your feelings, as well as the feelings of those to whom you are close. Emotions are strong in your nature. You approach life with many feelings and a strong nurturing tendency. Your moods are varied and changeable. They are synchronized to the Moon, flowing in and out like the tide. You are acutely aware of the atmosphere of feelings surrounding you. You're skeptical and distrustful of people. It's not what they say, but simply the way they say it and the way you interpret their meaning.
    You need to tell your deepest thoughts. When those around you are not receptive, you can become quite difficult to reach. The "crabby" part of Cancer shows up once in awhile, as well. When these moods are in control of your behavior, you can snap someone's head off for no reason at all. People you live around have to learn that you are not really angry with them. This is just the way Moon children are sometimes. By nature you are quiet and somewhat reserved, frequently retreating or putting up a protective barrier when you feel in any way threatened.
    You are attuned to the past. You tend to cling to reminders and memorabilia of your family and of earlier times. Many Cancers are attracted to collecting antiques. You may be one of those people who collects just about everything. It's hard for you to part with something when there may be a chance need some rainy day, no matter how remote that chance may be. Cancers are the original "pack-rats."
    You place much importance on the home and family. Your family or your "family of friends" is the center of your life. They provide you your sense of security and belonging. Your role in this environment is the source of your self-esteem and often overshadow your sense of individuality. It's hard to break away from your early upbringing and depart from the family traditions you have experienced. Cancer is the sign of motherhood. In both sexes, it produces a parenting instinct that is caring, protective, and indulging. Even unmarried Cancers adopt friends, co-workers, and neighbors in an extended family situation.
    Hardworking and dedicated, you make an excellent employee. You are loyal and respect authority. This makes you supportive and protective of the boss and rarely questioning company policy. You do find it very difficult to handle change and disruption. If you are the boss, you like your employees to be dedicated as you are. Unfortunately, sometimes you may surround yourself with "yes men" who simply reinforce your decisions. You don't take chances or risk sweeping change.
    Money is very important to you. Not for what it will buy or for the freedom it provides, but for the sense of security it provides. No matter what else is to be said of Cancer, security and having the protective shell in place, is overriding.
    1901 days ago
  • v HEARTS116
    emoticon emoticon
    1903 days ago
    Happiest of birthdays to you Done Girl!

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    1903 days ago
  • v ICECUB
    1903 days ago
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