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My cat, Lucky, needs to lose some weight too. :)

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Just like me, he won't stay out of the refrigerator.

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Christmas present...PookiePie

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I have been on many diets since about age 9. It wasn't until my 20's that a doctor suggested I stop the yo-yo. So I did, and I am now very big, pretty scared, and very unhappy. I have major depression, hypertension, panic disorder, hypothyroidism and unbelievable sleeping problems, just to name a few things that have ended in me being this utter failure and dysfunctional disabled chick. I am pretty miserable and just on the brink of giving up. But I love my mom and sister and cats and I have always appreciated the BEAUTY of this world. I want to stick around. I want to be happy. I want to have fun again and really live. So far, this website/community here has just been great and really gotten me rethinking my life and changing things. It's just a start, but it's a bit of hope. A spark of light at the end of the tunnel.

Member Since: 2/13/2008

Fitness Minutes: 1,993

My Goals:
Feel better.
Live longer.
Have some fun.
Get a life.
Smile more.
Laugh more.
Start to sing again!
Be happier.

Get a bit more control over my life. Get control over my bad habits.

Change my lifestyle.

I want to practice random acts of kindness, like I used to.

I want to see more beauty in the world.

I wish I was brave and stronger.

New Big Goal (July 21, 2008): Do not let setbacks and depression rule my life. Never give up. That proverb: Fall down 7 time, get back up 8. Well for me it might be more like fall down 700 times, get up 701 times...and counting.

Look at all the beauty in this life!

Try to be proud of small accomplishments!

Come out of hiding....very slowly.

New Goals, Jan 2009.... Hang in there. Don't give up. Laugh more. Get out of bed. Get healthy. Then try any of those old goals above. They seem impossible and laughable now.

My Program:
I've been keeping a log of all the food I eat, and when I can get online, I'm entering it all in the nutrition tracker. That part of my program is going pretty well!

I quit smoking March 16, 2008. So far, so good, so sad.

I am taking baby steps now.

I am trying to stop hating myself.

I will keep trying; I'm a survivor.

July 2008 Update: Be nicer to myself. Be proud I've come this far.

And don't lose touch with beloved family or friends any more!!!

Make it to the front door while still able to breathe.

Personal Information:
In the mid 1990's I had a dream that the smiley face was a message from "God" (or whatever force there is that seems to connect us all, which goes by so very many different name) to me. That he wanted me to be happy. It was a complex dream, having to do with me trying to find patterns in Pi, until I found out that Pi was really directions to make a circle, fill it with yellow, then add the face, etc. (I had recently seen and read Carl Sagan's "Contact", so I guess this is where it all came from.) Today, whenever a smiley face pops up, I think: "message from God". All this from someone who isn't even religious. :) So, to anyone looking here, I send you a smile and a message from some greater spirit or the universe or whatever to BE HAPPY.

Other Information:
I like vampire stories.

I used to be a musician and had lots of other creative talents and I want them back. (baby steps...can't sing when you can't breathe)

I am weird and totally geeky and I no longer care who knows it, ha ha. I love geeks! Yay!!

I used to try to fit in.

In middle school I was in love with Duran Duran.

I used to be a teacher in a non-profit school.

I grew up in Maryland and I miss it every day.
I hate Florida.
I miss seasons and winter and snow.

Update, July 08:
Jason Mraz is so cool. I just was introduced to his music and sort of philosophy of life (via You Tube). If I was still a kid (ahem) I would say I want to be just like him when I grow up. :)

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    Really glad to have you on the team People with Disabilities on Fixed Income.

    I am new at helping to co-lead the group and would love to help in any way that I can.

    Have a great day!

    3567 days ago
    Please don't give up. I'll be your buddy. I'm right there with you. We CAN do this! Let's be each others support system. I am 368 lbs. I understand. Drs wanted me to do surgery to but unless I can find a way to deal with what got me here to begin with it won't help. Many people gain even after those surgeries. I opted not to do it. I will do this myself with the help of God and Sparkpeople. Just wanted to know if you want to buddy up with me? emoticon
    3817 days ago
    Hello, just another cat lover stopping by to check out your page. I love your cats, they are all so beautiful. The before pic of Lucky was very funny, tiny little kitten :)

    Take care and good luck on your journey!
    3820 days ago
  • v -SHAWN-
    emoticon a gift of willpower for you...
    3921 days ago
  • v BLOOPER007
    Several people have been asking me to write this story.
    I gathered my pictures and here it is.
    Do you want to read a funny short story
    I promise you it will make you smile:

    Check out my blog: My Cat Billy wants to be a daddy!
    3962 days ago
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