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Introduction Text Update: April 5, 2011 Slipping and sliding, more up than down. I'm still technically at my goal weight but I'm not happy about it because I want to be UNDER my goal weight... My carbohydrate addiction is back with a vengence and I'm struggling with my new schedule. I'm working 9 to 2:00 and teaching 4:00 to 9:30 on Mondays and Wednesdays, Tuesday morning off, working from 5 to 9 on Tuesday evening, and working from 9 till 2: on Thursdays, teaching from 3 to 4 and then done for the week. I know I can't complain and I shouldn't complain but the problem is, I don't eat at work and then I BINGE when I get home. I eat anything and EVERYTHING.... I've tried keeping a snack in the car to eat on the way home so I won't be STARVING when I get here, but then I just eat more on top of it. I've kept almonds in my desk, but it's just not enough. So, there you are. Still able to wear my "skinny" jeans and smaller size tops and everything, but I feel soft so I need to get moving again. Maybe with the better weather I'll feel more like exercising. Update: December 2, 2010 I reached my goal weight on August 25, 2010 and crossed into the terrifying territory of 'maintenance." Just exactly what I have failed at TOTALLY every time, in the past. And I've been doing really well and I HAVE actually been proud of myself. Buying some new clothes because the old ones hang on me like potato sacks. Unfortunately, "tis the season to have crap in the house," And I've come to the realization that I am a true Carbohydrate addict, -aholic... the name doesn't matter. What happens to me when I let my guard down, even a little, THAT's what matters and THAT's what I need to get a grip on. Update, May 4, 2010, Nine weeks on SparkPeople. Wow! When I re-read my first introduction I just cringe. I cannot tell you how miserable I was. The difference in me in nine weeks is... awesome? stunning? shocking? I don't think I can find the right word... I'm a very different person. I'm still disgusted with myself because I don't exercise enough. But that aside, I'm kinder to myself, I'm thrilled with my progress and the physical changes, I'm SO excited about the great (!) interesting (!) supportive (!!!!) people that I've met here. For the first time in years, I'm proud of myself. I've never stayed on anything other than W8W for more than 1.5 days. Really. Not a typo... Days. And the only reason I was able to stay on W8W those two times was because I had a buddy. When my buddy moved back to England and I tried to do it on my own... Puh-Leaze. Two meetings. (and I GAINED weight!) Here... Here we have a WORLD full of buddies! Here, there is a certain amount of anoynymity that you can say almost ANYTHING, admit to ALMOST ANYTHING, and there's someone out there who is right there with you... been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. Here, there are people who have overcome SO MUCH, it's SO humbling, SO inspiring, and it puts your own difficulties into such a huge perspective. I have met and exceeded all my short and mid-term goals. Many of these were things I was hesitant to write down because I thought it was such a stretch. The jeans that were my main mid-term goal are in the wash right now and I'm going to put them in the DRYER. I can wear them. Button, zip, are comfortable and decent to wear in public. In fact, next time I wear them, I'm going to need a belt! I AM proud of myself. I have discovered a will of CAST IRON I never knew I had. If I say I'm not going to eat something that I shouldn't have, then I DON'T eat it. Period. Now what I gotta do is use the other side of that IRON WILL and DO the things I know I should but don't WANT to... There's a new goal... :-P March 2, 2010, First day on SP: I'm a 44 year old mother of two (AWESOME!) teenages and a great Golden Retriever puppy. I know that my weight is affecting both my physical health (Blood sugar issues, acid reflux, arthritic knees) and my mental health (I am just so SO sick of being down and unhappy.) I have a great husband who loves me for who I am and has never ever said anything negative about my weight or appearance, but he doesn't have to. I say plenty to myself. I have hated myself and been disgusted with my appearance for as long as I can remember and now when I look back at 10 year old pictures I think, "I was a beautiful girl. I was not fat." But, you know, that's the really insidious thing about depression and poor self image... I felt, about myself back then, exactly the way I feel now...

I want to lose weight. Feel better, look better, be healthy. I want to be able to do more of the things I used to be able to do. I want to wear my camo shorts again... in public.

The Craig Ferguson plan: Eat a little less, move around a little more. Eating less - check! Moving around, - not checked, yet... :-( I plan to: * log EVERY BITE I put in my mouth. *drink lots of water. *realize that there is a difference between NOT-FULL and HUNGRY! (This is huge for me!) *eat more slowly (yeah, I've totally forgotten this one since I've been on maintenance) *take my vitamins and meds EVERY DAY. *Continue the emotional growth I have touched on in the past months. *RE-READ THIS LIST REGULARLY. LEST I FORGET HOW I GOT HERE AND HOW MUCH I WANT TO STAY IN MAINTENANCELAND!

I am a third degree Black Belt in Taekwondo and head instructor of my own school. (This admission has been enormously difficult for me and I have avoided putting it out there in Sparkland because I have felt like such a failure as far as my weight and weight-loss struggle is concerned and I have been embarrassed by it. "How can she be a real martial artist if she can't even lose 10 pounds?...)



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