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You are where you are because of who you were. Where you choose to go now depends entirely on who you choose to be. Hal Elrod

Habits can not be broken, they can only be replaced. Eli Sapharti

I awakened when I let go of the person I knew I couldn't go on being. Phill Good.

How can I possibly expect to lift myself up and rise above my trials and conquer my goals if I bully and belittle and destroy my inner self at every chance I get? How can I expect to respect myself enough to make the changes I need to make with so much internal abuse going on? I MUST learn to love myself - REALLY love myself and RESPECT myself before any of these attempts and changes will be worth pushing through pain and discomfort of transformation.


Just before I had my son in 2008 I began a self exploration and weight loss journey. I lost 94 pounds (305 to 211!!). I maintained my healthy habits and lost all of my baby weight the week he was born. Within four months I skyrocketed back to 247. That was 5 years ago. I made it down to 235 in a whopping four years. I had relapsed into major anxiety and depression issues after several years of being panic attack free.

Last summer I discovered that I am largely unable to digest grains of almost any kind. I dropped 20 pounds in 2 months cutting the grains out (as well as refined sugar to help with internal inflammation, migraines and skin problems), but let the grains come back in and gained it all back within the 4 weeks of December. SO here I am back at 235.

I am focussing on my mental and emotional health above all. EVERYTHING I am doing in relation to my nutrition and fitness HAS to come from a place of love. No longer from places of desperation ("I HAVE to lose this weight!") or discouragement ("Everyone else can do it! Why are you so weak?") or jealousy ("If I don't lose this weight my husband won't love me as much").

My Mantra: I love myself. I respect myself. I heal myself.

Member Since: 11/17/2013

Fitness Minutes: 720

My Goals:
Learning to love, respect and heal myself beginning with my mental and emotional state through the power of meditation, journaling, one step at a time fitness and clean and whole foods.

Learning to live grain free.

Learning to allow myself to create a foundation upon which I can build healthy habits that will last a life time.

My Program:
Grain free, processed sugar free, low natural sugars. Focusing on clean and whole foods.

Walking my dog for 30 to 90 minutes (longer walks on weekends) as well as Turbo Jam and Les Mills Pump.

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My Ticker:
 Pounds lost: 75.0 
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