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PINKJEWEL2002 is a SparkPeople Motivator!

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In 1995 I met my first husband. The relationship was filled with abuse, alcoholism and my self-esteem and anxiety skyrocketed and I went from a decent 155lbs up to 190lbs (gained through emotional eating and excessive drinking, definitely not a healthy lifestyle).

I had my first child in 1998 and during the pregnancy, I developed toxemia, which made the pregnancy miserable all the way through; I had pregnancy induced hypoglycemia, and was instructed to eat at least every hour to maintain blood sugar levels. Although the baby was not thriving, I continued to balloon in size, gaining a total of 109lbs, but delivering a baby weighing only 6lbs 4oz. Within 3 months, I lost 40lbs but couldn’t control the emotional eating and was unable to lose further weight. In 2003, separated and pregnant with my second child, I faced the same horrible pregnancy issues, this time gaining 78lbs and delivering a 4lb 2oz baby.

The lack of self-esteem, self-confidence and low spirits stemming from an abusive husband had taken me to the depths of despair. Alcohol, coffee and fast food became my regular diet. It helped me through the day. After years of being “sick” having stomach ulcers, and uncontrollable anxiety which prevented me from being able to keep working, I knew I had to snap out of it... At first, I maintained a functional life and focused on just being a good mother. Nothing else: just a mother. I never really knew who I was, being married, having the children, and going through the drama of my life I had completely lost myself. My boys were what I had, they were the only way I could define myself.

I stopped the drinking but kept the coffee and the fast food. I was in denial, over the years I knew that I was getting bigger, I felt heavier, I didn’t quite recognize the woman in the mirror, but allowed myself to believe that I was still OK looking, surely my friends and family would tell me if I looked awful. In May 2008, I purchased the Wii Fit system, stepped on to do the body test and was shocked, horrified and appalled by the number on the screen. 217lbs. That couldn’t be right. I had been avoiding scales up to this time, but I figured at the most (worst) I might be tipping at 200lbs, but not almost 220lbs. I cried and then screamed at myself, I was disgusted what I had become, I forced myself to look in the mirror, really look in the mirror and take a full inventory of what I looked like. I vowed to change what was staring back, that woman was not me. I had started months earlier, but fell off the wagon, I found the site again and put it to use this time. Daily logging in, daily using my Wii Fit program, graphing, recording and monitoring myself. I started walking, then I started golfing, then I started to watch what I was eating, the weight starting to drop, pound by pound and each pound or fraction of a pound was encouraging.

After losing 40lbs (187lbs),and finally, someone actually noticed. I was happy, but at the same time, I couldn’t believe that it took losing 40lbs for someone to see a difference. Until this point, every day I would tell myself just 5 more pounds and I kept changing the goal weight, not even admitting to myself that I was afraid to set a goal weight and not reach the goal, I didn’t want to fail. This day, I set the target weight goal, I decided that when I had been married I weighed approximately 160lbs and I knew I was wearing a size 14 dress. I still had an outfit from that time which I could use as the guage. I want to be 160-165lbs, that is my goal and I will accomplish it, I will be me again.

October 2008 and I hit the goal, I certainly looked good, I was getting compliments and “the looks” that I hadn’t seen in years. I even noticed how strangers treated me differently. I suddenly realized that for years I had been virtually invisible, but now, strangers were smiling at me walking through the mall, parking lots, stores, strangers were holding doors open for me, and when I walked into a clothing store, suddenly I wasn’t ignored. I walked taller, smiled more and felt human again. When I looked in the mirror, I recognized that woman, I remembered her, she was the person that had been trapped inside a fat persons body.

November 2008, I weighed 163lbs and didn’t think it was possible that I could lose any more weight, since this was the least I had weighed since being 25 years old. Daily, I played the game of “can I lose 2 more pounds”? The goal was to be 160lbs and not ever to go higher than 165lbs. I knew that I would have to keep tracking my nutrition/calories and my fitness/exercise time. I started focusing on gaining strength, building muscle, getting fit and being strong.

Today, I'm weighing in at 125lbs and wearing a size 6 jeans. I wore a size 11 when I started highschool in 1984, a size 12 when I started college, and a size 14 when I got married. I am a healthier, fitter person than ever before.

The goal today is to continue to build muscle, stay fit, keep my body fat within 22-25%. A healthy lifestyle and healthy body is the life time goal, it’s a daily challenge and this time I’m prepared mentally for the challenge, because I know I can do it, I did do it, and I can stay the course because if it is meant to be, it is up to me.

Member Since: 6/19/2007

Fitness Minutes: 76,380

My Goals:
My goal isn't to be skinny or thin. I have always had a large frame, and was always one of the tall/big girls. My goal is for my body to be the weight it can hold—to be strong and healthy and fit, to be itself. My goal is to learn to embrace this body and to be grateful every day for what it has given me. I do not have a specific goal weight or clothing size, I will know the better body when I feel it.

My Program:
I am focusing on whole foods, healthy choices, more vegetables/fruits and less packaged items. With kids it can be hard to avoid all the "bad" stuff, but all in moderation is fine. I have increased my exercise from a very difficult 15 minutes that knocked the wind out of me, to a minimum of 60mins cardio 6 days per week and 2 strength training days to build muscle. To be sure I'm not "Dieting" that horrible awful word, I make sure that at least one time per week, usually a Saturday or Sunday I can give in to any urges or cravings I want. Amazingly enough, sometimes I will fight the "chip" craving all week long, to come Saturday night to realize I don't even want them anymore. I just remember put off the urge, because Saturday will roll around again.

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Other Information:

The new lifestyle gave me the confidence to explore new avenues in life, that I would have been to shy or self conscious to try before. I am now a certified Personal Trainer, started my own UrbanPoling Walking business, and just started operating a Telecom business.. The change in my life has been miraculous to say the least.

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