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Me at 230 lbs...

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Me now-- July 2009

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Goal-- June 2010

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Hi! My name is Shannon... I live in Fort Worth, Texas and am miserable with myself!! I am 230 lbs (give or take-- don't even know for sure anymore as I don't have a scale in the house!!) and am only a 31 yr old mother of two. DO NOT read past this point if you are easily bummed. I am not yet able to motivate others. Right now I'm just trying to pick myself up off the proverbial ground.
I'm too young to be in the sitch that I'm in-- I think I'm in a huge depression (I've yo-yo'ed with seasonal affective disorder since my teen years, am on NO medication for it, and am tired of never having taken control of my life.). And now being obese has just worsened my self-esteem. I don't even like for people I know to see me-- I hate to go out of my house... or do ANYTHING, for that matter. Very sad, considering I used to be a sun-worshipper, I love being active (but am never motivated anymore), playing games/sports (HATE marathons, though), and being social in general. I have an extraordinary man who inexplicably loves me and has stuck with me through my depression, anger, and disgusting weight gain. However... he is very visibly being worn down (not by the way I look, but with the way my whole personality has changed for the worse). I now have my wedding date scheduled with a church for June 19th, 2010. I am 5'8, with medium bone structure-- I am content with being a size 8 (ultimately just want to be TONED and IN SHAPE!!), but really want to be a size 6 for my wedding day-- size 8 afterwards is fine-- just don't want any flacid muscle!! I have less than a year to make MIRACLES HAPPEN!!! I want to be in better shape than I was in college, conquer my inner demons (depression and this weird anger-thing that has consumed me since the pregnancy of my 2nd child, now 2.5 yrs old), get a JOB (I've been a stay-at-home mom since 2nd child-- which used to be fine, but now our quality of life has changed drastically AND I have to get OUT and get ACTIVE). Unfortunately, I never completed university and got a degree... not even an associates. I have taken a world of talent and promise, squashed it, and become an underbelly statistic. Yes-- I know that all of this is a real bummer-- but it is my truth. And this seems to be the only place where I feel I can let this all out and scream "HEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On a more positive note, my children are beautiful, funny, genius, and AWESOME, my significant other is a GEM, and I know that God has not given up on having a relationship with me and loves me more than I can even wrap my mind around.... These are my reasons for living-- literally.
I must find a way to successfully create a real life for myself-- must find my beautiful self--inner and outer-- again... She's been missing for a long time. If I don't, the price will be more than mine to pay-- and I can't let that happen.
It TRULY IS now or Never.
I am open to suggestions and encouragement-- no false praise, though, please, as I make my journey. Gotta keep it real to make it real. Thanks!

Member Since: 6/9/2009

Fitness Minutes: 433

My Goals:
To be a faithful servant to God, to be a loving, patient, and fun partner and mother, to really love myself, and to be a DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS BRIDE who weighs 130lbs or less by June 2010!!! My lifelong goal simply embodies aforementioned goals- just as a lifestyle!!

My Program:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

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 current weight: 220.0 
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    Hi lady how you been? Hope all is going well for you, keep sparking!
    Its spring so lets get out and walk!
    Shel emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2234 days ago
    Hey there! Where have you been? Are things ok with you?
    You haven't missed much with me, I just got started last week (I weigh in tomorrow!) I will keep you posted!

    I have really missed you!
    3848 days ago
    Ah thanks hon for the goodie, that was super sweet of you.

    I can sympathize about the health problems, this year I had bilateral foot surgery, Jan and May 4 toes are fused 2 on both feet and unable to bend, pins, wires in both big toes also, sitll in therapy, I still cant do lunges and alot of other things. So it has slowed me down even more.
    But we can at least take it one meal at a time.
    My plateau lasted over 8 months, and now I think Im creeping out of it. so hang in the girlie eat nutritional meals, and check if your cal range may be to high for you. I had to lower the SP range for me 3 weeks ago, and now I have lost 2 lbs the first 2 in 8 months.
    YOU can do it and YOU will!!!
    Believe that, Claim that, and it wiil be ur's to Keep
    Keep your eye on the prize, you are such a pretty lady.
    Have an awesome Sparky weekend. emoticon
    3916 days ago
    Hi Shay, just dropping by to say hello and send a hug of encouragement.

    Shel emoticon
    3917 days ago
    Thats not fair, you are too cute!!!

    I am ashamed to say, I don't even know how to add a picture! I don't know how to do it from a camera or how do you get something off the computer??? I am not the sharpest tack when it comes to that! emoticon
    3917 days ago
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