The Dark Sonnet Of Pami Jane
(Iambic pentameter) 2/8/08
by Pami Jane Tennant
Contest Of Regents OR King & Queen
There is a sea, vast and deep inside me
one I've been drowning in for many years,
Something hides there holding me in dark glee;
even from the pain of my own sad tears.
Mountains and tons of flesh that cover, hide
the ME I am supposed to, and should be.
Hard as rock, heart of stone? Did I decide
how could I? to do this thing to me?
Now at forty eight I'm knockin' down the gate
using faith, as a catapult aflame!
Break now down, the door of shame and self hate;
the urge to give in to the game of blame.
Life, need, is here, fully alive within
I'm going to make this work and I WILL win.
Some days are so much harder to get through than others. This is one of them. I have a huge massive boil under my belly the size of a golf ball under the skin. I've had it once before and it's in a very bad area because it's right above my intestines. It's too painful to mess with and the first time it came I couldn't do anything about it then either...just had to let it go down on its own. I can't exercise, I can barely walk the pain is so intense! So I have to work at not falling off the wagon I've built here. I must not allow myself to give in to the pain and start the endless bout of emotional eating, and I must fight the depression that comes with this hitch. I will do it. I must do it. I can't keep letting things get in my way. The boil won't last forever, I must just bide my time and continue to eat right. I can do this, I am doing it and by God's grace I WILL DO IT.
Thanks for putting up with my whine...:-)