DORIGIRL

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Tough Talk Tip: Want the Thin Experience

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Want to be thin! Why does it take us so long to just want it? We imagine ourselves thin (at least I did. Anyone else do that?), and in our hearts, it's probably the No. 1 thing we would change about our physical appearance. But the work and time it'll take to succeed challenges our hearts' desire and we put it off. And then there's our history of recycling our excess pounds. It all adds up - to more weight and a mental roadblock in wanting to live the life of a slim person.

Yesterday, I experienced two new things as a slim person and I still can't get over them.

Let me start off with this sentence, which will seem disconnected to my story, but isn't: As a fat person, I picked up some habits I haven't yet learned to toss in the weight dumpster.
***
I walked to the post office a few blocks from my home (the same one I always drove to when obese) to deliver a package for my husband. As I opened the door, I caught the reflection of the woman behind me. Her skirt was a little short, but her legs were decent and she could get away with it. Out of habit of noticing every slim woman who ever crossed my path, I turned to look at her while holding the door open. She wasn't there. I let go of the handle and stood facing the same reflection; delight shivered up my spine. I envied my own legs.

Over the years, I had trained my eyes to avoid reflections in doors and windows. I couldn't bear seeing the body I sometimes loathed every time I turned around. Since my 50-pound loss, I continued the habit without realizing it.

Not anymore.

Later that day, I played in our swimming pool with my 19-month-old granddaughter, in town for a brief visit. I rolled the cover back about seven feet as the two of us didn't need the whole pool. I wore the bikini my daughter gave me with: "Here Mom, it doesn't fit me. It's too small, but it'll look great on you." Who, me? In a bikini? I...don't...think...so. But it fit, and I've worn it a few times and found I wasn't self-conscious.

After I removed my charming, blue-eyed, blond curly-headed sweetie from the pool, I needed to lift myself out at the edge. I stood there for several minutes, wanting to go to the ladder like I always did. But that meant shoving the pool cover back further, then trying to maneuver it in place later, and no, too much work and I needed to keep an eye on Grandma's girl. I was going to have to hoist myself up, something I never did because even when in water, it took so much effort and so many tries, it embarrassed me. But, no one watched, so who cared?

I placed my hands on the coping, elbows bent. I pushed off with my feet and with all my might, launched myself over the edge and into the patio furniture a few feet away. My head hit a chair and my shoulder scraped along the deck before I stopped, legs up and wind knocked out of me.

I never considered it would be easy! I hadn't thought about my lighter weight. I had stood there bogged down with regrets I couldn't perform such a simple move.

I doubt I'll use the ladder much now, though I think I'll steer clear of the furniture.

It takes time to drop our fat baggage. I may be slim now, but it'll take awhile for my mind to catch up to my body.

Why did I wait so long to experience thin?

I wouldn't trade it for any amount of fame or wealth. I bet you wouldn't, either.

But first, you need to want it just about more than you want anything else.

You know me: want it today!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SHEBON
    How does a person want it?

    I want it but something is stopping me...

    Is it my thinking?
    4169 days ago
  • CASEY-DIANE
    Way to go Dori!

    I can't wait to do things that I do know and have them be different because I am thin!

    Whoo hoo!
    4300 days ago
  • CRZYLDY15
    Keep 'em coming. Your blogs are encouraging to me.
    Teresa
    4300 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2562942
    Thanks for the great story. I am going to stop avoiding my reflection right now! Then I can watch my progress.
    4301 days ago
  • ALIAGOGO
    Hahaha! Great stories, Dori! I felt your head bang on that patio furniture, ouch! You're like a hot air balloon (in the nicest possible way) that's cast off all its ballast. The balloon never changed, but the physics sure did. Thanks for sharing those experiences, and I hope you wear lots more skirts that you can get away with :)
    4301 days ago
  • TRACYZABELLE
    I will be happy being just obese at this point. Being super morbidly obese sucks! I miss out on way too much and I am judged harshly.
    4301 days ago
  • PAMIJANE
    Ummm. Okay, this is where I differ from everyone else I have ever known. I do look at myself in the mirror and reflections, and I do not get appalled when people stare at me in horror or shock.

    Why? Well because. I'm fat. Morbidly obese. I wasn't physically sick when I got this way either, maybe emotionally and mentally, but people have no way of knowing that. I don't hold it against them, I'm just not sensitive about myself in that way, I mean I AM, that's why I look at myself. I can't believe I'm so huge. I don't feel that big, or I didn't used to, now I do, and suffer from the limitations.

    In an reversal of your thin thinking catching up with your body, my never thin, but healthier thinking can't seem to come to grips with my present form. I always get upset over the things I can't do now that used to be a breeze.

    There is one time in my life where I was actually slender, and even pretty, a little plump, but I like plump, I was a healthy looking slender 14 year old. If I can keep that image of myself in my mind, maybe I can do this -Thin Experience- I'll try, I'm all for giving anything a go that I can do to end the misery I am in and that I did to myself. Oh, the therapist says not to blame myself, that it was caused by the effect of the traumatic experiences I endured all my life...yeah but...so I do have to take some responsibility somewhere along the line.

    I do love your blogs, and I joined your group. I had a "Duh" moment since I didn't know you had started one...lol oh and I can't seem to find your webpage...I found some other tufftalker's but not yours. Help! Me wanna go!

    Luvs,
    Me.
    4302 days ago
  • BIGGIRL2082010
    Oh wow, wow, wow! I love those stories!

    Love thyself - what a concept! :)

    Hugs,
    Maya

    4302 days ago
  • SIERRASAGE
    I experience this every time I get out of the pool at the gym at my university now. For the longest time I would watch all the "slim young girls" hoist themselves up over the edge of the pool like they were "just air." Me, having gained weight, had to swim over to the metal stairs to climb out of the pool. I'd tried on occasion to hoist myself up like them, but How Embarrassing it was! I couldn't pull myself up! Now though, back being "the thin person," I hoist myself up and onto "dry land" with ease just like they do.

    I've got to tell you I am AMAZED every single time I do this!! It's like wow, I'm "thin again?" It's really hard to believe sometimes!
    4302 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/26/2008 3:36:29 PM
  • RANAWAY
    Thanks for sharing your stories!! Just like it takes time to lose the weight, it takes time to retrain the brain!
    4302 days ago
  • NANADA1947
    hey dori, this is something i know i'd like to experience, not recognising my self in a mirror..heck, looking in a mirror without disgust will do it for me...
    4302 days ago
  • SHADOW38
    Great blog! Its true that it takes a long time for your mind to catch up to your thin self. Congrats on your success.
    4302 days ago
  • GRAMMABENJI
    wow you are amazing. i would die to look hot in a bikini.
    nancy
    4302 days ago
  • LENGELKE
    I cant wait for experiences like that!
    4302 days ago
  • TRICIAGOYER
    Very encouraging. Thank you!
    4302 days ago
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