Ugh, I'm sitting here still feeling the mental and physical pain of stuffing myself silly.
I ate my dinner as planned - but I *doubled* the quantity. Then within an hour, I ate a giant bowl of popcorn with melted margarine plus about half a cup of chocolate chips. My stomach is aching and I feel like a failure.
What was I thinking? I was feeling deprived and drained and I just wanted a "night off". On top of the food I ate, I skipped my planned workout tonight. Yes, you read right: I stayed home from the gym in favour of eating a ton of garbage instead. Double whammy of self-destruction.
Okay, enough of the self-pity. I think I know why this happened:
1.) Every day this week, I wasn't satisfied with the food I ate. I realized that I switched from a hot, thick soup or stew for lunch to a cold salad with only walnuts for protein and no starch for a stick-to-the-ribs effect. Consequently, every afternoon, I was unsatisfied and pre-occupied with food. This snowballed into my temporary insanity this evening. What they say is true: depriving yourself backfires.
2.) This has been a long week. I worked long hours (about 12 hours each day) and I also got up early to exercise. I've found that being tired during the day leads to cravings which leads to the feeling of deprivation. And I now know that deprivation backfires! Also, working long hours, prevents me from spending quality-time on SparkPeople, which I find motivating!
So, where do I go from here? I fix the problems and move forward.
A coworker lent me a excellent book today: "Fresh From The Vegetarian Slow Cooker" (and actually, every recipe is vegan). So, I'll be making a couple of hearty soups and stews for the week: with lots of filling protein and fibre. I'll be going back to my old routine of eating my largest meal at lunch to get me through the mid-afternoon slump and straight through to dinner (which I'll keep light).
My next issue is the fatigue. It's hard to change my work schedule, but at the same time, it's easy for me to slip into a routine of working longer and longer hours. Not because I have immediate deadlines, but because I tend to get neck-deep into projects that I could work on 24-hours a day / 7 days a week. I need to keep work-life balance in mind.
Well, just writing this blog has helped me refocus and feel like I can move forward after this slip up. I'm officially shaking it off. I know that the extra food tonight will not ruin my efforts so far AS LONG AS I don't let myself slide down the slippery slope.