Sometimes you just have to say @#$% it!

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Those of you that know me know that I have been struggling with clinical depression for some time now. I have been having a hard time dealing with all of the junk going on around me. I even got so bitter and sarcastic that I started saying that I live with a bunch of selfish, ungrateful and insensitive people but I am the one taking prozac.
Well, Tuesday morning, my husband and I had an appointment that we needed to be at. I heard him talking and realized that he has no clue what's going on in my head regardless of how many times I have expressed myself. None of my family does and I truly believe none of them care (at least not enough to make any changes on their part to show support or consideration). That's when I just said to myself @#$% it! They are the problem, not me. I am working on myself and really can't be concerned about how much it may inconvenience them.
Once I had that realization, it was like a cloud lifted from my head. I am working on me and that's all that matters right now. It is making it much easier to deal with all of them and to deal with the fact that while I was at that appointment I missed a company meeting where they announced that our hours were being cut due to the economy.
So tomorrow I spend my first of many mandatory Fridays off looking for a second job. I refuse to resort to mac 'n cheese dinners just because I am making less money.
As part of a saying that hangs on one of the walls in my house says, "I will plant my own garden and make my own happiness."
Maybe they will come around, maybe they wont, but I am too busy right now in my own garden.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm sorry your hours are being reduced, Ilyse. I'll be praying that you find some part-time work to fill in. And phooey on the clueless family members! Detaching emotionally a bit, as you're doing, will help you stay focused on your health & your responsibilities. Keep it up, friend!
    4396 days ago
    C & I both have your back even when you don't think it. emoticon
    4404 days ago
    It's about freaking time!!! You are such a good person and I am glad that you are coming to realize that. Hang in there chica, I've got your back. emoticon

    p.s. Increase your water intake!
    4404 days ago
    I love the quote about making your own happiness.
    And it's true, sometimes you gotta do what you need to do!
    Good luck
    4404 days ago
    Good for you!
    I love that - plant my own happiness...
    4404 days ago
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