Life changes in a flash!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thanksgiving 2008 was really good. My husband's brother and his wife came and it was really nice to see them together. Dinner went well. They played ping pong which I had in the garage but had not been set up in years. The week before I cleaned the garage so that there was room to play again. Everyone had a good time. Our daughter came in from Indiana as well as my son from Orlando. Who could know our world would change forever the following week. My husband's brother and wife left on Friday, my son on Saturday, my daughter on Friday night. The following Tuesday Dec2 my husband Matthew came home from work not feeling particularly well but couldn't define what was wrong. We went to bed and slept til 10 am. He got up asked me to go out to breakfast, but when I reminded him he hadn't felt well the night before, we decided not to go. He took a shower, asked me to stay in our room with him.( not a usual request) Then said, "You know, If I survive this..." I cut him off with "Survive what? Oh, you"ll start taking care of yourself and get healthy?" Still he didn't feel good. Didn't want to go to the hospital said it wasn't that bad... Laid on the bed a little while seemed more comfortable, then all of a sudden, he stood up and said, "My heart is beating funny, OH Betty". Those were his last words. I called his brother on the way to the hospital in order to warn him, so he wouldn't just get the call that his brother was gone, but in my heart, I knew he was gone when I was still doing CPR myself. I have the relief of knowing I did everything I could for him, of knowing, I told him I loved him one last time while he could still hear me, of knowing, my name was the last thing he thought of to say. I loved my husband. He was a strange man, he had trouble letting people get close to him. He always wanted to keep them guessing. He was a mailman who always said he didn't like his job. After he died, I got so many letters and cards from his patrons telling me how much they cared for him and how many had become his friends. I have been up to see his brother in Jacksonville 3 times since he died. I feel closer to my husband when I am near him. He likes to see my son as well. Maybe in a way we are both getting from each other the feeling of closeness to him. None of us could have predicted as they all left after Thanksgiving that we would be meeting again the next week to attend a funeral for one so loved and connected to us.
One of the commitments to myself after this, is that I will take care of myself, eat healthy, keep sugars in line and exercise so as to be a good roll model to our children.
I am back to Sparks and hopefully will not have anymore breaks of not coming here. Until next time....