Well, it's finally here...the day that I've been dreading for over a month now. The day that has made me lose countless hours of sleep the past week...the day that I wish didn't exist.
That day of course is day #1 of spring break. Not what you were expecting, right? Well, let me explain...
I'm living in Ireland right now and going to school. I love it here, and I love seeing all around Europe. BUT, seeing around Europe means traveling, traveling means no home cooking or gym, and no home cooking or gym means a very unhappy and frustrated me. I've come a long way in my weight loss journey since I left home last winter. I left weighing in right at 170 lbs (at 5'7), and I'm currently 150 pounds. After countless attempts at crash dieting and crazy workout sprees, I have finally found a routine that works for me...one that doesn't include starving myself, one that doesn't leave me feeling hungry when I'm trying to sleep (except at certain times of the month, but that's a different story
), and one that I am happy with as a permanent lifestyle. So what else would happen when I finally feel like I've gotten ahold of my routine? A 2 week spring break happens, that's what! A two week spring break with three newly turned 21 year old girls who live by the mentality of "living it up" since this is a "once in a lifetime opportunity" and who collectively consume more calories in one day than I do in one week. Great, just great. True, I will never live in Ireland again and I will also never be on spring break in Paris and Greece and Italy again, but I'm also not willing to sacrifice the progress I've made for a short lived vacation. After all, "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" (with the possible exception of gofres...if you haven't heard of them, google it, they are the most heavenly creations known to man). I have worked out way too much and have eaten way too well the past two months to throw it all away for a two week fun fest. I cannot and will not let the peer pressure suck me in when my friends are throwing back bottles of real Italian wine while I'm drinking tea. I won't. Simply put.
That being said...I will admit that I'm scared. I know what I want, I know what it will take, and I know how hard this vacation will be. I'm just scared that one day I'm going to give into something and feel like I've ruined it all. I tend to come down really hard on myself for messing up, no matter how minor, and consequently develop the "well I've already screwed it up, might as well make it worse" mentality. You know that feeling? Where you've already eaten 2 cookies so you figure you might as well eat 2 or 3 or 10 more and get it all out of the way while you're already off track? I am the Queen of that. Because I have a habit of doing this, I know it will be important for me to really pay attention to what I've eaten that day and to indulge only in moderation and when planned for. I know I will have to resist about 95% percent of the temptations I am faced with, but I know that it will be impossible for me to say no to everything. Maybe some people have the will power to say "no" every single time, but it would be unrealistic for me to think that that's me. Plus, I don't want to do that. That's not what I'm about. I'm about a healthy lifestyle, not about convincing myself that carrots taste better than gofres (Ha.). As I said, I know what I have to do...I'm just scared that it might be harder than I think. I feel like God has thrown me a curveball out of nowhere, and there I am standing at the plate barely knowing how to swing a bat.
I've thought a lot about this the past several nights. I've prayed endlessly about it, I've woken my fiance up at 4 am to talk about it (gotta love him), I've even searched around SparkPeople for tips on how to survive a vacation. After all the preparing I've done for this, I think the only thing left to do is hit the ground running. I am going to go into this vacation with the attitude that I'm invincible. I'm going to welcome this as a challenge, not as an automatic setback. I'm going to accept the fact that it won't be easy, but it also won't be impossible. I'm going to look at this as one more thing that, when I kick it's ass and come back not weighing an ounce more, I can say I accomplished. This may be a curveball, but I'm about to hit it out of the park.