Even before I can use my scale, (I didn't get one that went high enough)
, I am doing so many other things that are becoming 2nd nature to me.
I haven't even begun to lose actual pounds yet... (well something is changing) and I know in my HEART that I'm going to succeed this time. It might be 1 year, or it could take me 3 years, but it doesn't matter anymore. Because I have that feeling clear down in my bones, that I'm making ALL the right choices to finally get back to me... just 1 of me, not three.
I make better choices with my food... I'm moving way more than I did... I'm sleeping better (95% of the time)... I'm getting things done, or working towards getting them done, that have been sitting around and crippling me, emotionally, mentally and spiritually for decades now.
I have multiple years taxes to get done... with 6 moves in 4 years, boxes and boxes kept getting put in storage units, and life happens, and I wouldn't get back to the storage units and then BAM... more boxes went into storage and the vicious cycle continued.
We had 2... 10 x 30 storage units filled up & a 10 x 20 with tools and pool building equipment.
December... started working on clearing out 1 - 10 x 30 and finished up in January. YIPPEE! Lots of junk... and in the middle of junk, would be something I loved and wanted. So, we cleared and cleared and cleared. More junk than beautiful pearls, but I had to put my hands on every box, making sure to weed out paperwork, receipts for taxes, pictures of my sons when small, etc.
Due to all the Hurricanes... if you try to move, you can't find any boxes, so you end up putting stuff in trash bags, or cramming lots of stuff into one box. We had boxes so damaged, that the boxes looked like tape balls.
I was the procrastination queen... sad to say, but I've never denied it and it's really caused more problems for my family by me not being pro-active. Before marriage and kids... I was on top of things, and never let them go. As the years went by... the weight came on and I threw up my hands and said, what the hell... and just gave way to being ok with life as it was... not stressing... no hating myself... but being a.o.k. with having my life jumbled, messy and a wreck. I don't drink alcohol... take any drugs of any kind... and I was somewhat happy. Well, I was at peace most of the time, because I couldn't look at the truth, it was too horrible to own.
But, this is what's different now... I care, it really matters to me. I want more... I can feel it and sense it beyond my ability to feel or see it in my physical life at this moment. A trusting that is beyond words... and I'm working on my Vision Collage and I think it's really helping me.
We were suppose to finish the last storage unit this past Sunday and my son had to work and it was his weekend for his son, so we watched Cayden.
We get a trailer tomorrow... and I will finally have every single box necessary to start building my back taxes and come current. We will empty out that last 10 x 30 by Thursday. We have piles for donation... recycling and trash, and will add to these tomorrow, etc.
I'm amazed and slightly scared too... if that makes any sense? After we're done this week... and I'm starting on all the years taxes & finally finish them, what will I do with all my time? My everyday life has been filled with hours and hours, upon layers and layers of guilt, shame & disappointment that have eaten away at my being all these past years, and it's all beginning to shift. I'm really seeing things with new eyes... the sky seems bluer, the clouds a bit fluffier & whiter and things even smell better.(And I've always had a keen sense of smell) Maybe I'm just limited in my ability to express it correctly or eloquently.
I will be signing on and keeping up with my points because I don't want to lose momentum here, and I'll try to keep up with blogs, etc. All of the SparkPages I've read and the blogs that have blown me away... are a part of why I have the courage to do what I'm doing. You all have changed my life... as well as SparkPeople, as a whole. For that... I'm eternally grateful and so glad to be here. I'm hoping by June 15th, to have all taxes submitted... and my home in the best shape it's EVER been.
I've just started reading... "Does all this clutter make my butt look Fat?" and the 'Ah-ha' moments continue.
Blessings to all...