There's nothing like being confronted up close and personal with one's own crap & shame. It's so obvious to me now, and just months ago, I was beyond clueless.
The weight I have put on and the decisions I've made or the lack of them, really are symbolic of my stuffing 'my personal garbage, all my storage boxes, excess hoarding issues', as well as my excess weight. By not dealing with my concerns, hurt, pain, disappointment, etc, at the time, ignoring them and not being honest with myself, the more the weight became an exteral representation of my many inward personal avoidances & shames.
It's amazing how this job of clearing and cleaning out all the old stuff is revealing to me, which always seemed so much bigger than me, has been going so well. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but not any where as daunting as I had created in my mind's eye over these past years.
It's been slow going since I've had my grandson again this past weekend, well from Sat. afternoon and still have him tonight, so things I could have done, will just have to wait a bit longer. He wants to help and will be a great little helper one day, but for now I wait for his naps or bed time.
I'm a bit in shock right now... at how much is obvious, that wasn't obvious before. How is that possible? Just so strange to me... it's like someone else was living my life... while I checked out over these past years. Where did I go? I don't have any other explanation... it's just a real head scratcher for me.
What must I have been thinking all these years? How far or deep does one go emotionally when dealing with denial and pain, while consistently putting on large amounts of fat?
I know this journey is just a beginning for me, and I can honestly say that I'm so glad to be awake... to be aware on so many levels and I'm looking forward to keeping my eyes WIDE open and focused from this point on.
Cayden has just gone down and I'm tired... so I'm going to read and take a break tonight. I'll get back to the boxes tomorrow.
Here's my empty and finished picture... I should have taken a before pic, but didn't even think about it. But, I did want this one. It was a 10 x 30 and probably 18 - 20 ft high, and it was stacked to the ceiling for half of it. The other 10 x 30 was filled from front to back, and only half way up the sides.
There are not enough words to express just how good this felt to walk away after sweeping it clean.