Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Ok, today I'm talking on the phone to someone and I walk outside to talk; turn around and gasp!! WHO is that, I thought to myself. I literally looked behind me thinking someone was in my garden.

But that WHO was me. It was me standing seeing myself in the glass door that leads to our beautiful garden. I have to admit, the tears started flowing. This is what my mother looked like the last 30 yrs. of her life. I'm retaining so much fluid. (yes, I've seen many doctors; they can't figure it out). My legs...I don't even recognize them. And I have severe left knee pain right now that I'm scheduled to have looked at in June. So exercising has been really difficult.

I just think the shock of seeing my full body was too much. I feel defeated already. With all my illnesses and the history of looking at the women in my family...I feel defeated.

I'm sure others have felt this way too.

And now I'm trying to cut back on my serving sizes and I was doing it with out letting my husband know (cutting his back as well) and now I noticed he's eating through the groceries like he's never satisfied. So I'm going to the grocery store way too much for my liking.

I guess I'm having a bad day because I really can't stand much or walk on my knee and so trying to do cardio (even riding a bike..I use one leg) has become difficult.

I just wanted to vent.

What I'd really like right now; a massage!!!! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Have you considered doing water exercises? I have a bad knee too and it puts a lot less stress on it to do something like water aerobics.

    I've had those moments where I catch my reflection and see my mother. Not what I want to see, that's for sure. (not that my mom isn't pretty, just bigger than i ever wanted to let myself get) I try to use those moments as a motivator.
    4263 days ago
    Sounds like a tough moment, but try to think of it as just a moment. Keep up the good work and the girl in the mirror will be happier and healthier
    4268 days ago
    thank you both, this is why I came here, just to get support through the rough times and the fun times.
    4269 days ago
    Sorry you are having problems. You have a right to vent - that is what we are here for, as well as support and cheering you on!
    4269 days ago
    I'm sorry you are feeling so down. Remember that the reflection is bound to be distorted. Just take it slow and easy, do what you can when you can. You have to listen to your body. Have you been tested for nutritional deficiencies as well as the usual blood pressure, heart, kidneys, etc? Hang in there and don't get discouraged, any step towards a healthier life is better than doing nothing! We are here for you!

    4270 days ago
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