WHO!!

Ok, today I'm talking on the phone to someone and I walk outside to talk; turn around and gasp!! WHO is that, I thought to myself. I literally looked behind me thinking someone was in my garden.

But that WHO was me. It was me standing seeing myself in the glass door that leads to our beautiful garden. I have to admit, the tears started flowing. This is what my mother looked like the last 30 yrs. of her life. I'm retaining so much fluid. (yes, I've seen many doctors; they can't figure it out). My legs...I don't even recognize them. And I have severe left knee pain right now that I'm scheduled to have looked at in June. So exercising has been really difficult.

I just think the shock of seeing my full body was too much. I feel defeated already. With all my illnesses and the history of looking at the women in my family...I feel defeated.

I'm sure others have felt this way too.

And now I'm trying to cut back on my serving sizes and I was doing it with out letting my husband know (cutting his back as well) and now I noticed he's eating through the groceries like he's never satisfied. So I'm going to the grocery store way too much for my liking.

I guess I'm having a bad day because I really can't stand much or walk on my knee and so trying to do cardio (even riding a bike..I use one leg) has become difficult.

I just wanted to vent.

What I'd really like right now; a massage!!!!