This has been the strangest, most exciting & healthiest time in my life in many years. One things leads to another... a table top lined up with domino's and they're now slamming into one another.
I had some realizations sink home for me at the end of 2008. So, knowing full well, that to change anything at all, means I was going to have to change my life first, and if I wanted things to be different, then I was going to have to use MY energy to change them.
So, here I am... and the whole two months I've been involved with SparkPeople, my life has been like a blur. I'm moving more, I'm choosing better & healthier foods, I'm de-cluttering decades of hoarded crap that have felt like an anchor around my neck, my general attitude is much better (inside & out), and I really feel better. I have done more in the last two months than I've done in years.
I sat for hours each & every day reading your pages & blogs... getting goose-bumps while reading your successes, tears of joy for your milestones & awareness's, was breathless over your personal & family struggles, and you shared them all with raw honesty & passion.
Every color choice that is displayed on your SparkPages, the pictures that you share, your favorite quotes, movies, books, lovable pets, your stories of current successes, of past struggles & weekly triumphs or failures, long blogs or short, related even a bigger, truer story for me and my real journey that has only just begun. I hung on your every word, because they mattered to me. Your stories really do matter and give life-lines to those who are drowning.
All of you gave me my life back... in little bits and pieces, so that I would have the courage to try moving more... to follow thru with my long awaited goals... to look a bit deeper into the real me... and to trust beyond my current level of trust, to forge new & exciting friendships with all of you. Not on the personal level... I'm talking about a safe haven to share and be real without the masks of illusion that we so often use in public situations.
This has been the scariest thing I've done in all my life... sharing such personal feelings, thoughts, experiences, etc., with all of you. And, you've made is so easy. I now have dreams, and since my husband has been home for all these weeks, my dreams changed to things of necessity first. So, once I've taken care of all my past goals and long awaited chores, I will move into my dreams for my future and begin my new life. I've also learned patience... baby steps are so important for long term success with any new lifestyle changes.
So, the domino's I'm talking about... a beautiful story, a great laugh, courage, milestones, etc., that you shared here, which opened many a-shut-door for me, created new opportunities for me to envision a new future awaiting me. I'm limited in my words to express how wonderful it feels to be getting so close to done with years of stress & shame, that I'm going to be finally free... free to begin my life again, with all the tools provided for us here on SparkPeople, and the encouragement and support from all of you, that is beyond anything I've ever witnessed, seen or heard about before.
My promise to me... I will complete my vision board, get up and walk 6 morning @5:30, and continue to move, dance and dream a new happier & healhier me.
Blessings, gratitude & joy to all of you. And, please keep us in your prayers... they are so powerful and every prayer really does matter and makes a big difference.
P.S. This is not a personal baby, just a beautiful picture that spoke volumes to me.