I do not know where else to go, I have to vent...

Sunday, July 26, 2009

I don’t know where to start except to say I am fuming and hurt right now. I will start by saying my husband cheated on me a year and a half ago and tonight I found out he was talking to her still. She text him this evening and he lied to me. He said it was someone he works with, a guy. I had a feeling inside…it hurt to try to believe him when I knew he was lying. Once I caught him in the lie I left the room and said out loud to my parents what was going on (we live there) and he is mad about that. He doesn’t even have any remorse. I started drinking to numb myself cause it is the only thing I could figure to do besides punch him in the face and so now I am hurt and drunk. I sit here and wonder why I don’t love myself. I wonder why I question what I deserve, like I am not worthy. It is because I repeatedly allow men to crush my being. I poured out my heart to him about my love for him and he had the nerve to tell me it was the same way I felt about my ex husband, Erica’s dad. And seriously…my ex and I should never have even been married. We were friends who needed someone to be constant and we found each other. And for him to say it was the same…what a slap in the face. I am so beyond myself. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I feel like I would be stupid to let him stay and I feel like I would be stupid to allow him to leave. I mean for real…I JUST HAD THIS MANS SON 4 MONTHS AGO!!! Are you kidding me? Now I have 2 beautiful wonderful babies by two of the biggest a$$holes ever. Two different men have taken my heart and crushed it along with my faith and my love for my self. Not to mention all the various bad decisions of the past…various men who trampled on me…just as he is doing now. Except that I really felt he was the one who would never hurt me. I felt he was it…and he was…until he worked at this job, the same job he met her at, the same job he cheated on me at, the same job that keeps him from ever spending time with his family… I cant do this. I cant let this be the way it is for me. I cant allow my kids to see me hurt and let a man do this to me. I want better for them. I need to raise this little girl to be a strong woman who doesn’t rely on men to decide her self worth the way mommy has. I need to raise this little boy to be a better man who will love and respect the women he is with. A man who doesn’t lie and cheat. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know which way to go. Either way feels wrong.
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  • PATTYS74
    Hey Cheryl.
    So sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. But listen to all the great advice from people who have been there. Don't let anyone take your self worth away from you. Be strong and get stronger, you owe it to yourself. You are a good person and very deserving stand up and take hold of your life. You don't need a man in your life who doesn't think you are the most important person to him. Keep blogging it is a good place to vent. I am keeping you and your children in my prayers. emoticon
    4199 days ago
    My heart aches for you. Many of us have been through it. You are such an intelligent loving person. You deserve better. emoticon
    4199 days ago
  • -SHAWN-
    "Two different men have taken my heart and crushed it along with my faith and my love for my self."

    You GAVE your heart to two undeserving men. As you mature and learn you will make better decisions then have faith and trust in yourself again.

    I'm so very sorry you must endure this pain, but you will endure it, get past it, heal and be whole again...

    Much Love,

    4199 days ago
    Oh, Cheryl. I've been there and it's the toughest decision in life to make. It took me 4 years after the divorce to finally realize that this is MY life and he has no right to make me feel unworthy. I'm done giving him that kind of power. I have shown my children that no woman has to take that from a man and no man should EVER treat a woman that way. Whatever you decide, my prayers are with you and your kids. But just know that you are worth everything. Do not give him power over how you feel about yourself. You are beautiful and a great mother. I agree with JENALEX1. Get that body smokin and deny him access!!!
    Take care sweetie.

    4199 days ago
    You are worthy of every ounce of love and more than this man has to give.

    You are an excellent mother. You will continue to be an excellent mother. Raising children is not an easy feat, but after all the turmoil you have trekked through, no one is more suited to teach these babies.

    You are worth more than he deserves.

    I think it is time for him to find a new job.

    Keep your chin up and don't let him ruin your goals. Just use this a fuel for the fire! Get that smok'n body and deny him access. ;)

    4200 days ago
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