I do not know where else to go, I have to vent...

I don’t know where to start except to say I am fuming and hurt right now. I will start by saying my husband cheated on me a year and a half ago and tonight I found out he was talking to her still. She text him this evening and he lied to me. He said it was someone he works with, a guy. I had a feeling inside…it hurt to try to believe him when I knew he was lying. Once I caught him in the lie I left the room and said out loud to my parents what was going on (we live there) and he is mad about that. He doesn’t even have any remorse. I started drinking to numb myself cause it is the only thing I could figure to do besides punch him in the face and so now I am hurt and drunk. I sit here and wonder why I don’t love myself. I wonder why I question what I deserve, like I am not worthy. It is because I repeatedly allow men to crush my being. I poured out my heart to him about my love for him and he had the nerve to tell me it was the same way I felt about my ex husband, Erica’s dad. And seriously…my ex and I should never have even been married. We were friends who needed someone to be constant and we found each other. And for him to say it was the same…what a slap in the face. I am so beyond myself. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I feel like I would be stupid to let him stay and I feel like I would be stupid to allow him to leave. I mean for real…I JUST HAD THIS MANS SON 4 MONTHS AGO!!! Are you kidding me? Now I have 2 beautiful wonderful babies by two of the biggest a$$holes ever. Two different men have taken my heart and crushed it along with my faith and my love for my self. Not to mention all the various bad decisions of the past…various men who trampled on me…just as he is doing now. Except that I really felt he was the one who would never hurt me. I felt he was it…and he was…until he worked at this job, the same job he met her at, the same job he cheated on me at, the same job that keeps him from ever spending time with his family… I cant do this. I cant let this be the way it is for me. I cant allow my kids to see me hurt and let a man do this to me. I want better for them. I need to raise this little girl to be a strong woman who doesn’t rely on men to decide her self worth the way mommy has. I need to raise this little boy to be a better man who will love and respect the women he is with. A man who doesn’t lie and cheat. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know which way to go. Either way feels wrong.