Friday, July 31, 2009
again, im overwhelmed by the number of people who are here to offer support to me - a total stranger. i was so surprised to read the messages and comments i got from people who feel the same way i do.
dinner last night went well. i ordered exactly what i planned on getting, tilapia with broccoli and a salad with fat free ranch. when i ordered though i was surprised that it came with a potato, so when the waitress asked what kind of potato i wanted i didn't know how to answer. how silly that i didnt know what to order because i hadn't 'planned' that part out yet. i ordered a baked potato, no butter and no sour cream. i ended up not eating the baked potato, took that home to the husband, but i did eat my whole piece of fish, all of my broccoli and most of my salad. i even helped my family polish off the appetizers. i was proud of myself in the end - i had successfully eaten my dinner without any anxiety attacks or without it taking 2 hours to eat it. i think this means im headed in the right direction.
i think my mom had a good time for her birthday! we went to order dessert but she didn't see anything she liked so we passed on it - i felt bad that i was relieved when she passed up the 2,000 calorie dessert menu. for her birthday we got her a new vacuum, a book, and a new flash drive for her pictures and stuff. i always know that after a family event im going to look back and say, 'wow, i had a really good time' - it just takes a bit to warm up to the idea. hopefully that will subside as i make progress.
tonight i have to work an event. i do 'promotional modeling' - basically if you've ever seen the girls at different sporting events, or races, or big tradeshows and stuff that take pictures with people and hand out free things and give information about products, thats me. for some reason i dont get nervous when i do these events though. i feel uncomfortable being in a big group of family members, but when im at an event and there are 10,000 people there, i can be the most outgoing person in the world. its weird. tonights event is for a national speed boat competition - i have to present the trophies to the winners and take pictures with one of the model boats and fans. i always get really self conscious before these events. 'does my face look okay' 'do i look fat today' ' is my skin clear enough today' 'are my teeth white enough' etc. it really gets me worked up - but im going to make it my goal to eat today before the event. normally, because of the wardrobe thats typically required, i wont eat on a day of event - but thats not healthy, and i need to work on the restriction. not eating today wont make me look any better tonight, i know that... i just have to follow through with it.
well, time for me to get back to work, breaks over. =] hope to talk to everyone later. this will be my first weekend on spark people - - - weekends are never good for me so im going to try to log into spark people and find support to help me make it through.
talk to you soon!