Monday, August 03, 2009
well. i'm on day seven. officially one week in.
i dont feel any different, other than the fact that i have found support and dont feel like i am completely in this alone, you know?
i woke up really hungry again this morning. any insight into why i might feel like this in the morning? it doesnt make sense. i ate a TON of food yesterday, on top of what i had blogged about earlier in the afternoon. i dont understand how my body could still be hungry when i wake up if i filled it with JUNK before i went to bed. i woke up this morning and it took everything in me to eat fruit and a water instead of scarfing an entire box of donuts... i STILL feel like i want to.
why is it that when we 'crave' food we crave TERRIBLE food?! why can't i crave spinach or corn or watermelon, why does it have to be chocolate, and candy, and carbs?!
i just want control over this. i either take too much control or not enough... this is how my weight fluctuates so much. for example. on saturday i was 121, now today i'm 125. how can i make this stop? its usually when i start feeling like this that i turn to diet pills to suppress my appetite but thats not healthy and its most likely contributing to my lack of control... i need to do this on my own, without any cheats or fake pharmaceuticals with awful side effects - - - but i'm at the point of despair and desperation. how long will i even have the control to say no to what i know is bad.