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Calmness in the Presence of Chaos

Monday, September 28, 2009

Today I called Alltel about my mobile wireless problem and they informed me that the problems is their fault and no one elses. A server problem. They are working on it.

My son got called to work today at the high school to sub for shop. It is always interesting as it is a high testosterone zone. My son is working on his black belt for taekwondo and hopefully he won't need to use that skill today. LOL.

Hubby was able to go back to work today. Hopefully the kidney stone will behave itself.

Little Wheeler is eating okay. Not as good as usual but we are getting some food down her.

I talked to Dad again. He sounds depressed. I have no idea what I can do to change that as I can't fix what is wrong with Dad. I offer my support and he thanks me for it but it won't return him to his former physical level and that is what depresses him. It's all about his declining health. How do you convince someone to make the best of their situation and give someone the will to live. I know of no way. I saw my grandpa go through this and my mother. They fought for years but when they became really infirm they just wanted to leave the world. They willed themselves to die.

I ate terrible yesterday. I may have consumed 2500 calories. Who knows what my carb intake was. I don't even want to know. I'm back on plan today and that's all that matters to me. I'm totally exhausted and feel "run through the ringer" but I have tons of work to do and I will concentrate on that. The serenity prayer comes to mind.
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    LOve Blazingsword's last paragraph
    3923 days ago
    I understand exactly how you feel having been there myself at least 3 times in the past 3 years.

    I think that at this point you just do the best you can.

    As scripture says, "This too shall pass."

    Right now you are going through a very hard season in your life and there's nothing better than the devil would like to kick you while you're down.

    You have to do what's right for you.

    I remember in scripture I Samuel 16:7, "Man looks at the outward appearance, (of another), but God looks at the heart." The good Lord knows exactly what you are feeling and understands better and more completely than anyone else.

    As someone aptly put it, this is a bump in the road of life and it won't be this way forever.

    Just love your dad where he's at, do the best that you can, and rest in peace at night knowing that you did no matter what anyone says, including family.

    I will be praying for you. emoticon emoticon
    3925 days ago
    You give love ones something to hold on to! a trip or visit when he is better etc! maybe a new tv waiting for him at home etc! we all have hopes and dreams and he needs one too! How we feel in our heads determine how long the healing will be! When they took my appendix out last summer i was told my new grandbaby was about to be born and I went home 2 hours after they took my appendix out! Being diabetic I was suppose to stay at least over night! No holding me down! I went to the grocery store the next morning at 7:00! Invite your dad to dinner!
    3929 days ago
    You can only let him know that you love him and that you are there for him. visit him as often as you can call him daily (if only for a few minutes) just to say hello. help him to find some sort of hobby or something to interest him and keep his mind occupied. as time passes, he will adjust and possibly feel less depressed. i truly hope things get better soon for you and I need you step away from the pantry, cabinet, fridge and find something else to do to keep your mind off your problems (eating will only cause more problems for you).
    3931 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4419646
    Walking will relieve the stress. You will be OK. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
    3931 days ago

    you and your family are in my prayers
    3931 days ago
    This sounds like one of those times when all we can do is find peace and joy and happiness in tiny moments and small things. A good friend of mine told me something that helped me through the roughest days -- try to find some things every day to be grateful for, because it will focus your mind in the right direction. Some days will absolutely suck (for want of a better word), and the only thing I could think of at the end of the day was, "I am grateful that I have a decent bed and a soft pillow to lay my head on." It wasn't much, but it was 'something' and it reminded me that life wasn't entirely bleak. I tried to impart that on my parents when they became frail by taking our time to talk less about their ailments and more about things I remembered --- "Mom, remember how much we loved to go shopping at Newberry's and have a soda at the lunch counter?" and "Dad, remember how much fun we had on that trip to Tahoe." Even a few minutes of a happy memory can do a lot to lift a difficult day.

    My heart is with you.
    3931 days ago
  • LLTS01
    I think this is when your hikes are really going to come in handy. You need to find an outlet for all of the stress you are going through. Yoga maybe?

    3931 days ago
    all this will pass, in the meantime forgive yourself if you slip.
    3932 days ago
  • JUNEBUG1944
    I wish I could help you. When my Dad was ill, it was so hard. You just don't know what to do or say. You know that there is really nothing you can do but visit when you can and give as much moral support as they will accept. You have a lot on your plate right now (and I don't mean the 2500 calories emoticon ) Just take one day at a time and yes, the Serenity Prayer does help...I've said it many times! I'm thinking of you, girl! Hang in there. It will get better.

    And don't you just hate it when you screw around with the computer...and find out there is nothing you can do after you've done everything you can possibly think of when it is someone else's problem! Arrrgh! I hate when that happens!
    3932 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/28/2009 2:14:46 PM
    It is depressing to not be able to do the things you once conquered easily. I am just thankful I have no mental problems. My mom and brother had Alzheimer's and some of my mom's real family (she was adopted) have it. My family has depression running rampant. I take meds for it but this year I've had more than my share of feeling hopeless. I don't have any answers for you except try to not let it suck you into it. I am so sorry. It seems to run a lot in families. God bless you and help you to remain positive. You are a blessing to me and I thank you for that. Think highly of yourself, you're worth it... emoticon emoticon
    3932 days ago
    In times like this it is often hard to know what to say, many people feel that way sometimes when I post a blog that is filled with despair and unhappiness, I have heard.

    All I can say is you are very well thought of Tish here at Sparks in general and my me personally. I keep you in my thoughts.

    Vickie xxx
    3932 days ago
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