JUDE-E911

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OCTOBER......

Friday, October 09, 2009

October ...used to be my fav month but so far im not liking it anymore!
I used to love the fall weather, the sweatshirts, the colors, the bonfires, Halloween. This rainy, cold, wet , dreary weather is getting me down though! I hate being cold, I hate not being able to go outside walking!! I think Im changing the older I get, the colder I get, I need to move south or become a bird anyway.....
I was married in October on the 7th fourteen years ago and recently filed for divorce. Lots of things are changing right now, not just the fall leaves. Its scary to think Im going to be on my own, yet exciting. Its scary to think my kids lives will change a little, yet Ive been asking for it to change for so long. I dont think it will change for the worse as much as they believe it will, and I think we will all be ok in the end. Maybe stronger, happier, closer. Yet i question myself over and over and over....am i doing the right thing not for me, but for them. Can it be true that I am selfishly doing it for me. Have i changed so much with this weight, of coarse I have, but was I a better person before, or have I realised that I am different and I am trying to better myself and my kids lives...Should I stay and be in limbo, and struggle just for the kids? Or deal with their fears, overcome them, and be the family I want to be? close active, and happy, not waiting for their Dad ...always working, never really there. Ok divorce stories can go on and on....True meaning to the blog is change. I want everything better, I always want more, and sometimes get to put the blame on him, I am the only one changing, and I want to only be able to blame me! So as seasons change, and people change, and there will always be a fall, I remember.... there will always be a spring, with a fresh start.... I hope for the best not for just me, for him, for my kids, for everyone!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LIAVMEL
    My brother and I just had a conversation about change. I told him sometimes change just happens. I don't thinks it's anyones fault just feelings change, situations change. (In his case he just broke up with his GF of 6 yrs.) Yea change is scary but it sounds like you are doing the right thing for you and your kids. I also am hoping for the best for you and your family!!!
    3951 days ago
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