SEVENKITTY

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No End in Sight

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Tuesday, February 02, 2010


“It’s a journey, not a destination.”

“I will never arrive.”

“It‘s not over until I’m dead.”

It sounds so harsh…because it has to. I cannot get soft on myself now. I have come too far. I know for me, it will never be over. I will struggle with my weight for the rest of my life. It is just as much a part of who I am as my green eyes. To deny this fact would be to deny that the sky is blue.

Before I lost the weight I always felt like the “real me”…the thin me…was just hiding inside and all I had to do was let her out. Now, I feel like the person hiding inside is the fat me, poised and waiting to come out again…who IS the “real me”? This is the question that I have yet to answer.

Even though the pain of all the shame, disappointment and self-loathing that I used to feel every day is slowly fading away, I feel like I cannot let myself forget it. Because if I do, I feel like it could all just creep back up and take me over again.

I am not the skinny girl who can eat whatever she wants. I can’t just stop working out. I WILL be what I consistently do… it is as simple as that, and I know it. If I overeat, I will gain weight. If I follow my maintenance plan I will maintain my weight…simple but scary.

I really had to go into this knowing that it wasn’t over once I reached my weight loss goal. It will never be over. I know darn well that I can gain all the weight back just as quickly as I lost it. So I will walk this long road, but I won't have to do it alone, thanks to all of you!

SparkFriends, you help me keep it real! Thank you.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SRGODDY
    I hope it isn't weird that I'm reading your blog. But I have to say I never thought about this side of things. I'm so focused on "getting there" that I haven't really thought about what I'd have to do once I'm "there". As much as I hate that I have to be one of those girls that works so hard to get weight off, how much more am I going to hate that i have to work to keep it off. This is not encouraging at all. Sad. But not sad enough to make me give up. I just need to, even more, focus on this being a life style change rather than a diet. It's not over when I'm done, I'll just be getting started on a new part of life.

    Hopefully I'll have made lots of new friends who can help keep me focused and moving.
    3775 days ago
  • BROWNBEAUTY2008
    You are so right. It is a life change if you want to maintain the new you. I needed that. Thanks. emoticon
    3775 days ago
  • PURPOSEPOWER95
    agreed! now I know you keep going forward!
    3776 days ago
  • no profile photo K10BFIT
    You're absolutely right - you're not in this alone! :) emoticon emoticon
    3776 days ago
  • MOTIVATED@LAST
    I don't know about 'struggle with your weight', because it looks like you are doing pretty well - but perhaps something we will all have to continue to work hard at for the rest of our lives.

    (Just tryin' to help with the positive self-talk.) emoticon

    M@L
    3776 days ago
  • FERRETLOVER1
    Yes, it's true - this is really a lifetime journey. Well said!!
    3776 days ago
  • KRISLEWIS48
    Jen, it seems you are preaching to the choir. Every one of us is facing the same. I choose not to look at it like I will be dieting for the rest of my life, but rather that I must adopt a habit of eating right and moving enough, and maintain that habit as long as I possibly can. I am losing weight very slowly, but I also don't feel like I am dieting, just using common sense in my eating--no more ice cream sundays, donuts, or other decadent yummies. We can all do this, as you have already proven. (I myself, would kill for your abs!) Congrats!
    3776 days ago
  • PDXKATE
    Truth. This is my second go-round with Spark People. I've lost some and I've gained some and I am back for more (weight loss that is).

    It is tough coming to grips with the fact that some people (myself included) will always have to try to be in shape. I used to be that skinny girl that could eat whatever I wanted...but then I hit my mid/late twenties and my body started changing. The good thing about having to try to keep the weight off is that I am doing it with diet and exercise. I think I am healthier now because of it - even though I'm not as skinny as I used to be.

    Another great post! Keep 'em coming!
    3776 days ago
  • PDXKATE
    Truth. This is my second go-round with Spark People. I've lost some and I've gained some and I am back for more (weight loss that is).

    It is tough coming to grips with the fact that some people (myself included) will always have to try to be in shape. I used to be that skinny girl that could eat whatever I wanted...but then I hit my mid/late twenties and my body started changing. The good thing about having to try to keep the weight off is that I am doing it with diet and exercise. I think I am healthier now because of it - even though I'm not as skinny as I used to be.

    Another great post! Keep 'em coming!
    3776 days ago
  • HIPPICHICK1
    I often wonder what my future holds and I too see a lifelong commitment to keeping an eye on portions, the scale, the tape measure and staying active. I almost expect a weigh gain in the future because you know how life throws us those lovely curve balls? Well...that's life. But isn't it great that we have the know-how to take care of ourselves once we are over the bumps? I think so.
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    3776 days ago
  • SOPHIKKO
    I know just what you mean. Thanks for posting!
    3776 days ago
  • INITKUTE
    Great insight. It reminds me of people who go to AA/NA just because they have overcome their addiction, doesn't mean they will stop going to meetings. People can be sober for 30 years and still attend meetings because it is what helps them continue their journey of life.
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    3776 days ago
  • GOIN4GR8
    Amen!! Well said. :-)
    3776 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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