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You think I'm too how come you're thinner?

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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Or something like that!!

This blog is a long overdue rant about all about the people that keep telling me they think I can stop now. They think I shouldn't lose any more weight. They also think I look great just how I am.

Well thanks for the compliment - it was a compliment right?!?!

I do feel pretty amazing with how I look right now.......but guess what?

I don't want to stop yet. I don't feel that I am at my goal weight. I will also be quite happy to lose my last 25, yes 25lbs.

If I could capitalise the I in those last sentences any more, then I would.

Yes folks, this is about ME and the size and shape that I want to be and not the size and shape that YOU think I should be.

I know I have lost a LOT of weight and I do look like a completely different girl today at 155lbs, than I looked 3 years ago at 260lbs. This change hasn't happened overnight, but slowly the realisation that I am not the fat girl any more, has sort of dawned on other people.

I am on the last stretch of my weight loss and when people ask "You don't want to lose any more weight do you?" My answer is actually YES I do!!! I am not ashamed of the fact that I want to be slim.

I was ashamed of the fact that I was morbidly obese and yet others didn't feel the need to say to me then "You're not going to get any fatter are you?"

No of course, when I was super fat and struggled to walk, stuffing more and more unhealthy food into my mouth, nobody said a thing. Nobody asked if I was happy at my weight or proceeded to critique my eating and (lack of) exercise plan.

Now though, everyone is an expert on what I am doing and how I should be doing it.

I have been thinking lately about where these comments are coming from - the backhanded compliments I mean. Oh and just for the record I do have plenty of close friends/ family who have only positives to say as well :-)

As for the "I think you can stop now" people, who are they?

Let's think about this and break it down, they are-

older than me
slimmer than me
weigh lots less on the scales than me (no muscle weight?!?)
don't look as great as me?

I'm not wishing to sound like a b*tch by this last comment, but I think this is what it comes down to.

For years people have been used to seeing me in a certain way and they are used to me being the pretty fat girl. To most people this is just who I was, but to other women, well, we do like to judge ourselves and others don't we!?! I used to be pretty, but not as pretty as them. Slim, but not as slim as them. Now though the tables are turning. I'm approaching a weight where I look as slim as they do and as I'm also embracing my new body, I am making more of an effort with how I look too.

Maybe they just genuinely think I look great now, but then why not just say that. Why the need to tell me that I shouldn't get thinner? Concern over me going too far? Worried that I'll be underweight? Maybe, but there's a long way to go until I have to worry about that!

I think there's more to it than this. I think that I'm doing great losing weight, looking fantastic and working hard with my diet and fitness to achieve it. Maybe the fact that I'm doing all of this is just a reflection back on all the things that they AREN'T doing to make the most of themselves.

What I'm doing isn't easy. I have to work EVERY day at making healthier choices. I workout on days that I don't want to. I say no to foods that I enjoy. I try to keep motivated, so I CAN change who I am for the better. I choose to do this for me because I want to.

So if you are one of those people who ever thinks to yourself "she can stop now" I'm telling YOU to stop. Why do you REALLY feel the need to comment on ME? Is it through genuine concern......or are you just worried that I'll look better than you?!?

My new tactic for people who tell not to lose any more weight, is to tell them that I think they should put on weight. I tried it today. I told somebody straight back that I actually think they should put on weight, until they weigh the same as I do. You should have seen the shock on her face. She was aghast at the thought of weighing 155lbs. Yet when I pointed out to her that was what she was telling me to do, she sort of got what I was saying. Either that or she thought "What gives you the right to comment on my weight?" So maybe now she knows how I feel.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I know I'm real late in posting, I did a search and came across this post. Ive lost a lot of weigjt over the course of two years and am now starting to get these "compliments". Im glad that other people have experienced this. Thanks for sharing. God bless.
    3387 days ago
    Amen Sisters!

    I have lost 60 pounds so far, but have 10-20 pounds to go, and am getting the same comments. It's not like we want to be unsightly thin . . . but I feel like those of us that have worked this hard to get this far, aren't about to give up when we're this close to our goal, regardless of what those in our lives tell us! It's refreshing to hear that we're in the same boat.
    3630 days ago
    I love this blog! Thanks for getting it out their. People/co workers say things to me all the time. It's none of their business especially since I am healthier than I have ever been in m life. You go girl you look wonderful and you have a great mentality. Do what ever makes you happy. Your an inspiration!!!!
    3636 days ago
    Good for you! I love that last strategy of telling them to gain weight. I think these people are jealous and feel threatened by your sudden hotness. You stop when you wanna stop, when it feels right for you.
    3668 days ago
  • 7SEVENJ9
    I get that all the time, and I'm not at my goal weight yet either. I was at my heaviest about a year and a half ago, and I've lost about 20 lbs, and feel that I have another 15-18 to go before I'm at goal... yet people say to me all the time "you're wasting away" or "you dont need to lose anymore, i wouldn't worry about it"

    I've always carried my weight well, meaning that people never thought I weighed what i really did... always thought less... but that's what got me to where I was, the mindset of "well I dont LOOK that heavy..."

    Keep up the good work and you will reach your goal!
    3668 days ago
    "What I'm doing isn't easy. I have to work EVERY day at making healthier choices. I workout on days that I don't want to."

    "I say no to foods that I enjoy. I try to keep motivated, so I CAN change who I am for the better. I choose to do this for me because I want to."

    GREAT blog!

    Thanks for the insight......

    Ps...I do wish I could maybe for a moment been a fly on the wall when you made that statement.

    3668 days ago
    Tell'em PINK!=)
    3671 days ago
  • LORT-C
    Don't fall for it. I fell into this trap and look what it got me. I gained some of my weight back and struggling to get it to start coming off again. It will and I will not fall into the trap again.
    3673 days ago
    You hit the nail on the head! People don't meant to but sometimes they don't want us to draw attention to the changes we are making because it makes them think about themselves. I have realized peoples reactions aren't always about me at all but about them and their insecurities.
    Good for you for wanting to reach your goal of slim! I got the same response when I told people I was breaking up with sugar but you know what for me it was the right thing.
    Thanks for putting into words what my girlfriends and I think all the time!
    BTW you look fantastic!
    3676 days ago
    I am experiencing exactly the same thing, and I loved reading your rant. I've lost almost 120 pounds and am now at 160. For more than a month now (since 165 or so) I've had people say things like, "You're done losing weight now, right?" and "Be careful not too lose any more because you'll get too skinny."
    I always look at them in shock, because I'm at 160--I'm glad that they think I look good, but the fact is I didn't go through all this just to barely squeak into healthy weight for my height. I still have plenty of extra fat.
    I guess I can take that comment as a complement; maybe I'm just such a good dresser that they can't tell what I really weigh? They don't get to see me with my clothes off, after all. So sometimes when I get that comment I'm tempted to strip and let them see for themselves. "Look at my stomach--are you sure you still think I'm too skinny?" But I like your strategy, too, telling them to gain until they're at your weight. I think I'll try that from now on.
    3678 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/14/2010 1:06:21 PM
  • MJUDE79
    I totally understand! I just posted something about this in my blog - so many people know EXACTLY what you need to do and how to do it, but are THEY doing it? Have they DONE it? NNOOO!!! Love the blog!
    3681 days ago
    I agree -- well said. Your comment about people have being used to seeing and thinking of you in a certain way -- well, as a fat woman -- really struck a nerve with me. I think others often try to keep us in our box, or in the role they've determined we should have. Our friends/families/co-workers like us to be fat because it serves them in some way or because it makes it easier for them to discount us or our opinions. And you're right -- one of the things we absolutely have control over is our own bodies -- the choices we make we have to live with. emoticon
    3681 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/11/2010 11:38:05 AM
  • CHERRY666
    Well said. I agree with what you wrote. I wonder if people like that realize what they're doing, or are just kind of oblivious.

    Sometimes, though, I think people say that sort of thing because if you've lost a lot of weight, you look skinny compared to how you did look, even if you aren't thin by your own standards. Being in that body and seeing that body from the outside are such different perspectives.
    3681 days ago
  • WREN67
    Wow! Well said!
    3682 days ago
    I am one of those people who have caught myself saying, "don't loose anymore weight". My sister lost a lot of weight (by drinking Slim Fast, yuck) and she really was getting to the point of not looking good; she did not look healthy; and was getting sick all the time. A week after I told her to stop loosing weight, her doctor finally told her the same thing.

    YOU look fabulous and very healthy and if you want to loose more you will look even more fabulous and more healthy.

    Sometimes I think when people get older (in their 50's and 60's) too thin is not a good idea especially if they are loosing weight the wrong way.

    Don't take me wrong, I totally agree with you. Just thought I would give you another perspective to maybe help you understand where people are coming from when they say that. I know it's so irritating, but I can't wait for someone to say that to me.

    3682 days ago
    Loved this! Already over 100 pounds from my goal people are saying, well you don't want to lose too much, I don't like girls too skinny, thank you for saying this! And I think that you look great, but if you want to go a little farther and be healthier go for it! Thanks for sharing!
    3682 days ago
    How true is that well put.
    10 years ago I lost all my excess weight and got the same responses!
    It actually affected me emotionally as I had worked hard to get that weight off!

    So here I am 10 years younger at 56 and weighing 14ks over an achievable goal but if I was really honest as you are I would rather go to 57k not 60k! So that means another 3kgs to get rid of.

    I come from a nursing background and know too well that the fat sitting on my gut is not good!

    But even now I have people tell me I look WELL! So I keep quiet about trying to loose weight and just say I am getting fit!

    Now that i have had my rant I will go for a nice long walk!

    Libby emoticon
    3683 days ago
    Keep up the great work!
    You know what healthy is, and isn't, that's what got you this far :)

    You really do look great, thanks for the inspiration!
    3683 days ago
    Well said!
    3684 days ago
    Love it!!
    3685 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6771354
    You do what ever is going to make you comfortable with you!!! Do not concern yourself with other peoples own insecurities! Keep up the good work!! emoticon
    3685 days ago
    I love this post! I've had friends and family who have made the same comment or say isn't 125 too small and I no I dont think so. I remember (vaguely) being 125lbs and wanted to lose a few pounds and wishing I had a six pack and smaller thighs.

    But like you said I just put those people out my mind because I know what I want and what is best for me and my body and unless we are going to sit down and critique their body then they dont have the right to sit there and critique my body and goals.
    3686 days ago
    Thank you. Love the blog. Love the photos. Love the motivation/inspiration. You look great. It's hard work and you deserve to be where you want to be, not where everyone else says you should be. Thanks for the inspiration.
    3687 days ago
  • NEELY0918
    You go girl, what a great come back i hope i get thin enough one day to use that on someone . as you pointed out she would not want to weigh 155 but its ok for you??? unfortunately some of you worst weight loss barriers come in all shapes and sizes and the bottom line is "she would not want to compete with the new you". i say you go girl and you may have to just resort to using your hand as you wave buh bye now.
    3687 days ago
    Most women are horrible awful people who don't want to see their peers succeed ( or exceed what they have done with their weight)
    I am lucky , I have a FAT friend who wants to lose weight with me .
    3687 days ago
    Well said! I can't believe how common this is. At 200 lbs., I had someone who weighed about 145 tell me that I had lost enough!! Was she threatened? Jealous? Yes, I looked better than I did at 300 lbs., but for crying out loud...I was still obese! People say to me all the time "I hope you aren't trying to lose anymore...". Well, according to my BMI (and the fat I still see on parts of me) I am still overweight. One day I won't be. I try not to let it bother me and it really doesn't much anymore. I simply smile and say "thankyou" and I go on with what I want to do anyway. It's not their life to's mine!
    3687 days ago
    You nailed this one perfectly! I couldn't agree more. I am just now at 200 and people are saying those types of things to me. Give me a break. I am still obese! We will see how things go as I continue to lose weight but I am certain it will be much of the same you have experienced.
    3687 days ago
    fantastic before and afters!! not only are you thinner, you even look younger!! thanks for the inspiration!! I'm just beginning a long road towards losing 100+, and I already have people who say "you don't have THAT much to lose"! well, I know that I weigh 70 more than I did when I was a size 18, and I'd like to see me in a 12, or even dare I say it? a ten~
    Being tall, people have no idea of the numbers I can carry, so who knows what my goals will be once I'm actually under 200 again. Congrats and keep up the attitude! emoticon
    3687 days ago
  • HUGS2015
    Good for you for speaking up for yourself! You have done an awesome job of making healthy changes in your life and you look FABULOUS! Here's to your continued success! Keep the good attitude, stay strong and don't let the nay-sayers keep you from reaching your goals! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3687 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/5/2010 6:11:32 PM
    Women are such bitches. Good for you! Stick up for yourself and tell those skinny hoes (who probably never had to watch what they eat or even step on a treadmill in their life!) to shove it!

    Sorry. Did I get a little bit too emotional?

    I totally get your point... we've all been there. Some of it is because they want to look better than you, since in their minds, they always have.

    I'm 'friends' with this girl who knows I'm trying to lose weight, and everytime she sees me, she does the whole, "Hun you look so great!" and then proceeds to tell me how SHE lost a few pounds or how someone complimented HER the other day.

    Women can be so fake... I know where I am, they don't, and I don't need their approval to keep going.

    All you need to do is remind yourself how far you've come and look forward to where you'll soon be!

    Keep up the good work! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3687 days ago
    You rock! I love that you said that to that person. That is awesome. Congrats on all the progress you have made and for having the motivation and dedication to do all that you are. You are definitely an inspiration. Great job! Keep kicking a**! emoticon
    3687 days ago
    Congratulations on your weight loss and the courage to post your 'before' pictures. I'm happy for you in your success.

    I completely agree with this post. I lost a total of 35 pounds. Once I hit about 20 pounds some well-intentioned but misguied people felt compelled to share with me their views on my body.

    It took the form of: You're getting too skinny. Are you starving yourself? Are you sick? What's wrong?

    Most of the time, these comments came from people who appear to have their own issues with their body appearance. I write this because other friends of mine who eat heathly and excercise never questioned or criticised me.

    I set a healthy body goal based not on some random weight but based on combination of height, sex, age, my waist:hip ratio, body fat % and a tool to help me put this together to figure out my 'healthy' body weight.

    At that time, I needed to drop 15 more pounds to reach it. I did and have been at this weight for 13 months. So, I guess I knew what I was doing when I set the healthy weight.


    Good for you to stick with your plan and good luck!
    3687 days ago
    Ooh, I LOVE that response to "you're thin enough, aren't you?" Good for you!
    3687 days ago
    Women are actually so much more critical of other women than men with regards to weight.
    You need to reach a weight with which you are comfortable and healthy.

    I checked with my doctor because I was getting some of the same feedback when I would tell people I wanted to lose 20 more pounds. Their response was "From where?" and mine was "You haven't seen me naked, and you never will!"
    There may come a time when I will be close to my goal and my body will not willingly give up any more weight, but I am not there yet.
    Best of luck to you as you continue on your journey!
    3689 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/3/2010 11:04:33 PM
  • LLTS01
    I have had teh same issues with women around me. I always wonder what motivates them.

    3689 days ago
    AMEN! I hear this all the time and it completely ticks me off. Glad someone else is just as irked.
    3691 days ago
    Very good blog. I understand this as well, but from a different point of view. I have one friend in particular that always tells me I look "just fine". "We're in our 40's," she says. I can't help but wonder what that has to do with anything. Whether I've weighed 178 or 208, those are weights that are NOT just fine! I know this friend means well, and she loves me no matter what, but simply being supportive of my weight loss goals would be nice.
    3692 days ago
  • no profile photo JEWELL31489
    very interesting blog and comments. Congrats on your weight loss, amazing and sounds like you have done it in such a healthy way. I have not been near goal loss for so long, I have set mine at 150 lbs, but I guess I would have to see how I look and feel when I get closer to that point.
    3693 days ago
    I get this a lot as well, but I want to get back to my happy weight but people still tell me I look fine as I am not and don't need to lose anymore. But I don't care. I know my body, I know what's healthy for me and what isn't. Besides, it's not anyone else's right to really tell me how much I should way. I know what I am comfortable and feel good, strong and healthy at. However, this time I'll be there a heck of a lot healthier and in better shape than ever. Since I weight train now fairly frequently I will have nice definition and lean muscles.

    If you're not happy yet and you want to lose more, DO IT! Do what makes YOU happy. It's not about them. When it comes to your body, it's yours.

    3693 days ago
    I get this too.

    Honestly, I don't get offended. I think it's because I realize, from doing this, how hard it can be to stop. It is a constant struggle now that I'm at goal to not keep losing. It is really really easy to get so caught up in seeing the scale drop that you keep going even when you shouldn't.

    Both myself and my bestie (IRL and on spark) are struggling with this and we keep each other sane but enforcing to each other that we are DONE and should not get any thinner. One of the gals at work "cut me off" weight loss a while ago. She's also lost a lot of weight. And I feel like she ought to be done, too, and have said it.

    I think there is a certain mindset while losing that can be slightly unhealthy. Women who've lost a lot of weight before (the slim ladies who comment to you might be in this category) know that it's all too easy to slip into disordered thinking/eating. And I think we toss out life preservers to others in that same boat with us in an attempt to help, out of genuine concern. Maybe it's projecting - I know I've been worried about myself before, even a lot worried - but I don't think it's so easy to write off as "they're just jealous!"

    Take good care of yourself. You look fantastic now. If that last 25lbs leaves you looking and feeling sickly, it's not worth it just to get to a certain number on the scale.

    Believe me, I know how hard this can be. I still feel "fat" and I can pull size four jeans off my butt without unzipping the damn things. But I am tempted to lose more. I have issues when my weight jumps a bit and puts me back to 22-22.5 BMI instead of 21-21.5. It's hard. It's hard on your emotions and your brain, sometimes. So, I dunno. Maybe this is just another way to look at people. Maybe it is concern. Maybe they've walked that road and are projecting their troubles onto you... and it makes them worried/scared for you.

    Be well.
    3693 days ago
    Congrats on the weight loss! Sounds like they are the b*tches and not you. Do what makes you happy -- if you want to lose 25 more pounds, go for it, and strut your stuff the whole time!
    3693 days ago
    Congrats on the weight loss! Sounds like they are the b*tches and not you. Do what makes you happy -- if you want to lose 25 more pounds, go for it, and strut your stuff the whole time!
    3693 days ago
    Congrats on the weight loss! Sounds like they are the b*tches and not you. Do what makes you happy -- if you want to lose 25 more pounds, go for it, and strut your stuff the whole time!
    3693 days ago
    Congrats on your weight loss. Great blog!! I've had the same happen to me as well. Just to be on the safe side I checked with my dr. i weigh about 145 right now, and many people tell me i look fine and that I don't need to loose any more weight. My issue is that there is a lot of heart disease, diabetes etc in my family so loosing another 10- 15lbs would put me in a better place to fight against these diseases. The difference between you and I is that i internalized and stopped trying to loose weight and actually put a little back on. Nobody wants to be skinny and unhealthy but I didn't know how to react or what to say. Now, that I've checked with my dr, I will refer that information to them. Good luck on your journey!
    3694 days ago
  • JLITT62
    I don't know you, and I don't know what a good GW for you is.

    But I do want to throw one other thing out there -- it's very common for people to pick goal weights that aren't right for them. Feeling thin feels so good, feeling thinner must feel better, right?

    But then they DO struggle, because they've picked a GW that isn't right for them. I've done it, and I've seen a lot of other people do it, too.

    Some people are genuinely concerned -- and yes, others are genuinely concerned that you're going to look better than them!

    I usually won't comment on someone's weight, other than to tell them how good they look, unless they ask me to. But I know one woman in my WW meeting who is really struggling right now. She has, I think, picked an unreasonable GW for herself. All I've done is empathize, and shared my own story, and my own GW -- which is 12 lbs heavier than hers, and I'm younger and shorter!
    3694 days ago
  • SHEILA1505
    Oh yes - this is like the sticker one of my DDs has on her wall

    If I can't be skinny, please make all my friends fat!

    The only person whose comment about possibly going too far with weight loss that I accept is a woman of my age who was anorexic & bulemic and has done so much damage to her body that I think she knows she is talking about. As hard as she tries to rebuild her body she seems to be fighting a losing battle and as she rightly pointed out I don't EVER want to look like her.

    Otherwise - I think they feel threatened by the new Self-Confident Strong Healthy Woman in front of them

    Good for you!
    3694 days ago
    Great blog! And you look fabulous! I always found it interesting when other people saw fit to comment on my weight, whether fat or thin. I always greeted such comments with a confused look, like "What? Are you talking to me?" And it usually shut them up. The only person I would tolerate talking to me about my weight is my mother, and even that got old. And the interesting thing now is, not one of my co-workers has said a single word about my weight loss. Not one. Yet they love to encourage me to eat the pizza and donuts and chocolate that lives in our break room! Ahhhh.... the life of trying to get healthy. emoticon
    3694 days ago
    I absolutely love this blog. I SO know where you are coming from and I'm totally going to use that line!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to see the faces.

    Woohoo for 100 lbs lost! I'm right there with ya girlie and goin strong! Hang in there! :)
    3694 days ago
    I could have a seriously long conversation with you on this subject. I could not have written this blog better myself.. in fact, I'm on the verge of copying it and mailing it off to SEVERAL people I know! I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. I hear the same things over and over. I think the same as you do about this. So, I'm hot now, right? Is that your husband staring at my ass? I'm too "skinny"? Shut up! Did we miss my muffin top? Yes, I am "slimmer" now, but I am NOT skinny. Skinny people don't have a 36" waist or wear a size 10 jeans, correct? Ok, so yeah, I TOTALLY feel you, I honestly do.

    I really wish there was some magical way to get them to stop, but there isn't. I try to be civil to them the best I can, but sometimes the comments are down right nasty. What is there to do? I think suggesting they gain weight is a GREAT idea lol I may have to do that sometime! You are beautiful and you are right, it is YOUR body and YOU decide what is right for you. 130lbs for your height is NOT a bad weight. Make sure you flaunt right in front of their faces!

    3694 days ago
    rock on, you decide your life, not ANYONE else..they are still thinking of you as the fat girl..i've experienced this myself and it isn't is hilarious that you countered with why don't you weigh 155 and gain some weight..straight up cool woman..way to go!
    3694 days ago
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