time to snap out of it.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
first i want to thank all my spark friends for putting up with my bad mood,depression etc this week each and everyone of you.it has been a real tough week for me and i hit rock bottom yesturday.as you can see by my name i am not one to stay at rock bottom for long as i will soon want to fight my way out of it.it is just sometimes you have to get all the way to rack battom before you can get the engy,willpower,gumption or what ever you want to call it to snap out of it.i think with what has been going on in my life this week it is understandable that i got down,if i hadn´t i would have probably worried thinking something was wrong with me.so for thoes who don´t know what my week has been like i will go over it.i need to do this to tell myself that what i was feeling yesturday was perfectly normal so i don´t beat myself up over it and the 4lb weight gain this week.that is right 4lb+and then to move on.
monday my husband went into hospital and was opeated on on tuesday.because of family history the thought of the op terrified me and added extra stress for me.the hospital he is in is a hour travel away which is cutting into a already tight scedule.ihave had to deal with the kids,house etc all on my own.i know lots of people do that,there are lots of single parents out there and i admire them very much.but how many of them have three children with special needs,needing physio therapy everyday along with other therapy´s.on top of that we are all ill this week with coughs,me included which has really affected zakariya´s and aymans asthma.on top of that thursday i fell on the slippery pavement outside and along with my pride i hurt my foot(it is still swollen),my shoulder and cox´s.i also have a stiff neck.in the last 8 nights there hasn´t been a night that i haven´t slept more than three hours as the kids coughing ,asthma attacks etc have been worse in the night with the lying down.on top of that on the u-bahn on thursday a drunk man started molesting a 70 year old,no one step in so i did .he then started being abusive to me saying who do you think you are mother theresa and having ago at my head scarf etc.don´t forget i had my 1 yearold on my knee as well.anyway the man wouldn´t go away so i stayed on the train till the old lady reach her stop as i would not have felt right leaving her alone at the drunks mercy.it is amasing how some people just look away as the train was full.i suppose i should be thankful he was just going on at my head scarf and didn´t start on my weight.anyway because of that when i got to the hospital i had 15mins left to visit my man as i had to go back to pick up zakariya and ayyub from tagesheim and kindergarten.then yesturday i hit an all time low because i couldn´t go and visit my husband it was the first time since he had been in hospital.also we thought he would be home tomorrow but the dr said he wont be home before monday and thatb is not certain.anyway that has roughly been my week ,i have also been constaintly eating to keep me going as i am soo,sooo tired as a result of being ill and lack of sleep.
but today,enough is enough.i went on the scales(should have been yesturday but i put it off)and have put on 4lbs.first thing this morning i had a nicebath to help me feel more refreshed and to signal a new clean strart yet again.i had a bowl of muesili with 0.3% milk,i plan to do nudles in a tomatoe sauce and a small piece of chicken for lunch and will probably do a soup for dinner.for snacks i plan low fat yougarts and fruit.lets hope i can stick to it.i haven´t exercised since thursday when i had the fall,out of normal walking when doing chores etc,so plan to start again today.i am sitting on a stability ball while writting this.it is better than nothing and now must try and think of what exercise to do that wont hurt too much with my foot,shoulder,neck and cox.any suggestion would be really appreciated.once again i want to thank each and everyone of you for being there as i needed you most.you are all