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Monday, February 22, 2010

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!!! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years---canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt (or your own). I cannot stress this enough!!!

One more thing, staring at me while I eat to try to direct my mind to give you my food will NOT work (usually). I am too old and too tired. Go stare at the kids. They are younger and more susceptible to mind control. If you don't believe me, notice how they all dress alike so they can be individuals.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Love this!
    3579 days ago
  • MOMS100
    emoticon Oh, how I can relate!
    3580 days ago
    emoticon I enjoyed this very much!
    3580 days ago
    emoticon Have a great day. PJ
    3581 days ago
  • ROX525
    This is hilarious. My two girls (180 lbs. total) are always trying to beat me down the stairs and while I am walking through the house, they are walking ahead of me and looking back as if I am going to take them for a walk every time I walk through the house. They think my bed is theirs also. But, we have to love them.... Thank you for sharing.
    3581 days ago
  • FLAME42
    This was so funny I was happy I had just made a trip to the restroom minutes before.
    Really appreciated the "kissing" suggestions. Best was the statement about the children all dressing alike so they could be individuals. With the teaching background we know how this is.
    Have a great day & try not to succumb to those eyes staring at you from underneath the table!!!
    3581 days ago
    This one will have me grinning all day.
    3581 days ago
    As the person who is owned by two dogs, I have seen this before and it makes me laugh everytime.

    Thanks for reminding me.

    3581 days ago
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