Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Good Morning Journal. I actually feel kind of happy this morning, like a weight has been lifted. Talked to my husband last night, he brought a list of concerns once again revolving around my boys and also me and how I deal with them. It basically comes down to he can't handle them. Like it matters he cannot handle any children unless they are his own two his nephews included. He asked me my thoughts and I told him I didn't think me and my boys were the family for him. He asked if we were to separate for awhile or just start the divorce proceedings. I said I don't know. He also told me he is not taking all the blame for this. I told him there is something wrong deep inside him mentioning a few things. However he said to me I don't know what is wrong so what does that mean? It is like he knows it but refuses to do anything about it. He doesn't want to hear it, he says this is just how I am an accept it. Well I put up with it for 3.25 years and I cannot just accept it anymore. I have had enough. He stayed last night and slept in the boys room. He had clothing packed until I came home from talking to my parents. He didn't even tell his yet. He is going to his sister. I noticed when I came home that he didn't have his ring on already. Well that says a lot doesn't it. He came down this morning as we were leaving for work and he said well I guess this is it. He loaded his things that he is taking for now and said should we hug or something, I said I don't know. We did hug then I said goodbye and he couldn't say anything. No tears no nothing. He was behind me on the way to work and he caught up to me at the light where I turn left and he continues straight. He two ways me on the Nextel and says have a nice day. What?! You couldn't even say good bye to me at home yet you can now tell me to have a nice day now. I still had my ring on in the car, I took it off after that. The thing is I feel relieved, like a weight is gone and I can smile again. It sucks that more than likely I will be divorced twice before I am 38 years old. UGH. I now face the daunting prospect of selling a house in this economy and keeping it going until it does sell, and then where to go. An apartment? I don't know how I will do it and it is scary to even think about it, but I will make it through and be better because of it. Now to start the journey of me.....stay tuned.