Journal 2-25-10

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Made it through yesterday. It is interesting to hear what people say about the situation. My brother said to me, that I can't live like that. This coming from the guy I am lucky if I talk to once a month and he only lives 10 minutes away. Another one of our good friends said to me that he doesn't quite understand his thinking sometimes and he needs to realize that he doesn't have it so bad. One of the things that I thought of is why is it OK for him to treat me and my boys like he does? I and they deserve better than waiting for the next time he will be upset with us. I am tired of living like that. Why does he get to decide how it has to be. Why can it not be a partnership. I didn't have a partner I had another child. He forgets about all the times that I gave in and he got what he wanted and we now have the credit card debt to prove it. He wanted this house and was pushing to move from where we were yet he gets stressed over the financial responsibility for it. Yet somehow I think deep down he doesn't care that it is there. Oh well. If he has an extra dime in his pocket he has to spend it until it is all gone. Sometimes I feel like I am the only responsible one. I don't think he has it in him. Someone said to me he does things that he knows that are wrong, but he doesn't care. I cannot live with someone like that anymore. I deserve better than that. I have so much to offer someone special out there. Will I ever find him? I don't know but I am going to get myself in shape and see what happens. I have a long road ahead with the financial and house issues and with the legal stuff too and I will get through it a better person for myself and my boys.
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  • JENO0615
    Big Big Hugs You are very special. You are intelligent and will figure out what is best for you. The journey is tough but so are you and we are here to support you unconditionally. emoticon
    3650 days ago
  • JEM0622
    Lots of hugs. We do need partnership in this day and age. I am not a woman who accepts at all that a wife is 'x, y, and z' if a husband isn't 'a, b, and c'. We have so much on our plates these days. You are doing the right thing, Gail. emoticon
    3650 days ago
    Wish I could give you a big hug!! I went through some of the same soul-searching as well. It is terrifying yet hopeful- makes you feel strong at points to be asserting yourself and your wants and needs, and then in the next second you feel shameful for thinking those thoughts, and maybe things really aren't so bad... an emotional rollercoaster for sure. You are so right in that you have so much to offer this world and deserve someone who will appreciate every one of those offerings. You are special and deserve to be treated that way! You have done a great job dealing with all these stressful emotions but also keeping up with your committment to be healthy- it is all too easy (for me, at least!! lol) to deal with emotions by making bad food choices. You are doing great. Sorry if I rambled here but wanted you to know you are not alone!
    3650 days ago
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