Sunday, March 07, 2010
Bad day house cleaning and doing bedding. Nothing good to report. Tomorrow is yearly physical and errands.
Major hassles with spouse . Been a high stress day. Did take a short nap to take care of me. I get so tired of being threatened with ruin and having everything thrown up at me for my entire life. He feels I owe him for paying my medical coverage. I get under four hundred dollars a month and cover all that I can. I am so tired of the financial arguments that lead to all his put downs and in my face attitude he even sent emails to my sons telling them I am crazy and unstable because I am not grateful and happy here or with him .He is 68 and runs like a school kid to my friends and sons when ever I disagree with him. I feel sorry for my sons and friend having to put up with his bull and lies. My friend called telling me my spouse told him I was going crazy and might hurt myself. I hate living her but that is not a way out I'd have to leave my rottie girls behind with him and that is a NO WAY. Things were better where I used to live . I had family and friends and got out of the house. We are stuck with each other and I am his only target besides being his target of choice. Being isolated has not brought out the best in him. Our relationship has been over for more years then I can remember. Our marriage has never been good and finances has always been what has forced us to stay together. We live on the same acre but not in the same room(never) and share the kitchen. He sleeps in another area of the ranch a small outer building. He chose the house and living arrangements. I had no say unless I wanted to be homeless. But I am suppose to be grateful for every scrap of food and all that he does for me. Sorry I'm not. I feel after 32 years I should have some basic rights. I keep the cost down. Heater never goes over 60, I do use water and bathe everyday and do wear clean clothes. I feel entitled to these basic rights being married and all .We have no joint credit or bank account, the house is in his name . All I want is a life , a life of my own. I would like to get a real relationship with a true companion and unconditional love besides from my dogs.
Need a good attorney to sort things out. Don't want to shaft him just want a fair break and a chance for me. Does that make me crazy? To want a life free of abuse and put downs. My health isn't great and no one knows how many years they have left and I want some quality in mine. I am a good person and deserve more then this! If i had family or relatives I could more in with I would have a long time ago.