I have a plan of hope
Monday, March 08, 2010
I want to get out and have sought help in many locations and from many people. I am unable to work and bring in very little money from my SSDI and couldn't afford my medical let alone rent, food and other basic needs. If I had a place to go or the money to take care of my self I would be gone. My state in close to bankrupt and going to them would get me very little to live on. I am putting a lot of hope on this knee surgery making a difference in my quality of life . I am barely making it each month by pennies let alone being able to save up . I was doing better until credit card interest went so high. Like everyone else on a fixed income how could you plan for that ? I had been saving and used a bunch to help my son get married in Sept. 2009. It will never be repaid and I have to consider everything I do for him a GIFT and not a loan not matter what promises I get from him or his wife. They have fallen on hard times with him being laid off.
I am going to make some more calls when it is safe and will not give up on my dream of a happy life. Was abused as a child and got away from that, at least for a while. My mom told me not to marry him who knew she'd be proven correct. I guess abuser can recognize abuser. There methods are different but it is still abuse. My husband tries to tell everyone he is the victim. He blew that one day he didn't know I was on the phone and my friend and his wife heard him at it first hand and have been supportive ever since.
GOOD NEWS My doctor says my lab results have never looked better and my heart sounds better too.! He never notices my weight but at my sons wedding I was 274.5 and now weigh 221. I am slowly getting there. When my spouse is unhappy with me he makes it impossible for me to cook or do anything in the kitchen. My friends and the dollar store keep me stocked on quick foods. Not always the healthiest but they have kept me going through some tough times.The last visit I got tuna and easy mac to make quick casseroles plus beef jerky. My son bought me a few years ago a microwave for my bedroom.
The girls and I went to wal mart and the dollar tree today so I have food hidden for bleak times. I walked the girls in a field , I figure it took me 30 minute to do a mile but every step gets me closer to health and getting out!I found some tops at wal mart for $3.00 and got two.I felt like I'd really splurged on myself.
I am going to fight to get my weight off and have a life and all the support I have from spark friends is making a huge difference to me. I can not tell you how much it means to me and how much I appreciate each and every one of you.I include you all in my prayers and god bless you!