Monday, April 26, 2010

My biggest fault is that I am stubborn and believe in doing the right thing. After asking for help and getting nothing but excuses from everyone or an argument I did what I know I shouldn't have. We live on almost an acre and my elderly husband of 68 who is in a lot better health then I am and my sons 28 and 29 couldn't find time to help me I started it without them. I took out the machete and cut down weeds at least 4 feet tall and then drug the mower out. I got done almost half and acre today. I am on maximum safe pain dosage and I know I will pay dearly. It should help my exercise and cardio tracker and maybe kick start my weight loss again. When my dogs which I have 4 large ones the smallest about 65 pounds can not be see because of the weeds that are turning to foxtails and begging doesn't work and I can't hire someone what else can you do it what choice do I have but get stubborn. I have many open blisters but feel a sense of accomplishments Who needs MEN !! . I have a new family here on Spark and I know you'd have helped me! We are due for showers tomorrow so I'll have a day to recover.I hope my fibro doesn't flare or I'm in serious trouble health wise.
As for the bankruptcy update. Attorney cancelled last Saturday and we sign and start paperwork this Saturday instead. I hope to get enough money to file in May. I want out of this hell hole. When reading other blogs I realize that as bad as things are here for me a lot of you have it worse. I may not like how I live or with whom but I have to be grateful and count the blessings I do have. I have a roof over my head, food not always the healthiest but I mange to eat on a daily basis. I have medicare coverage which is not great but I have it better then those who have nothing or live in third world countries. I have my computer and most of all I thank god for leading me to spark people . I would not have the strength to better myself or stand up for myself without your support, inspiration and the information I receive here at Spark. Some of you have no medical coverage, are loosing your homes, family members and still have your faith so how can I loose mine. I feel guilty for asking and wanting more. To be happy seems trivial. Asking to feel safe seems shallow when I can lock my door and I have my dogs to warn me and I can fight in a pinch if forced to. I am feeling so unworthy in this world for wanting more.
Blessings and wishes for all those in more need. I pledge to start making a difference again. Not just going green and helping the earth but helping others more!I try to offer support , encouragement and motivation on my team sites. I am an anchor for an abused seven year old boy and I will make a difference in his life. I am making arrangements to try and get him for a few weeks this summer.Can't finalize dates until I know about my surgery.But he knows I love him , miss him and want him to spend time with me. I plan on spending a few nights up there with him over Memorial day weekend.I have committed to seeing two soccer games a month no matter how feel. I told him I would be there and I always keep my word, come hell or high water.I have set up phone dates to talk together. This Sunday we talked and he explained this computer game he was playing to me.
I am a work in progress and I will become a better person,even if I am too stubborn for my own good.
Blessings to all
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Okay Friend -- you have your combat boots tied up very well. Only take them off when you soak your body in a much needed soak, probably epsom salts or whatever you figure will help. Take some deep breaths and relax and get through the night. Tomorrow will be another day. You are doing absolutely great and accomplished a lot mentally and psychologically -- well, maybe a little rugged physically, but you have given yourself a chance to direct energy to something that will help get rid of some of your "vengeance" chuckle. Start over tomorrow with a clear mind again and steam roller on. Many Hugs, Echo emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3801 days ago
  • no profile photo EJHEINRICH1
    You must take care of yourself first that way you can take care of someone else. Take a HOT Epsom salts bath. And soak your body. This will make a difference.

    Hugs my friend,
    3801 days ago
  • ENUFF81020
    Hi Sweetie,
    There is no competition in having difficulties and your pain and issues are as significant as anyone else's. Please don't trivialize anything that you are dealing with because it is pretty overwhelming. I am so impressed with your inner strength and your sense of right and wrong...along with your perseverance.

    Make sure that you get a warm bath tonight (if you are able to get int he tub, I can't) or take a long hot shower. That will help to take away some of the soreness that you are anticipating. Bandage and protect those blisters as well. I think you really took the hard way on this, I understand why you did it.

    Please be good to yourself and take a break. I'm lucky to have you as one of my friends. Sending gentle hugs and prayers your way.............
    3801 days ago
    If your biggest fault is that you always try to do the right thing, I'd say you're doing pretty good :) Shame on those boys for not helping their mama! It sounds like you're under a lot of stress right now. I hope things proceed smoothly for you, and that your health holds up. Best wishes!
    3801 days ago
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