part 2 Being stubborn
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I survived two days now of mowing . I have a new pain scale for 1 to 10.The rain saved me from my stubbornness. Unfortunately it started pouring early evening. I put in two and a half hours in today. Thanks to the kindness of the neighbor I now know our lawn mower has a self propel feature he neglected to tell me of. I lot of struggling on my part and barely being able to move caught the attention of my neighbor when he was traveling to one of his fields near by. Thank god. It was easier with this feature. My right hand is torn up and I am trying to brush my hair with my left hand, thankfully I was born left handed and switched as a child so I can use it better then most people can..I am typing with one hand. Called my sons and got a response from the youngest of well you are fat and need to exercise. He has no compassion for my fibro, spinal disease,heart condition arthritis or any of my other health issues. He is a youth minister and I can not understand his lack of compassion and decency. Everything is about his new family and his church and the hell with the rest of us. Someday karma will get him and I feel sorry for him being so narrow minded and closed of heart. My oldest just said basically it had to be done and that was that. With my neighbor stopping by it shamed the old man to pretend to be busy fixing the weed wacker. The whole time I was working all I could think about is they will miss me when I am gone. I am more determined then ever before that this is not the way I want to live or life I was meant to have. Pain medication, hot soaps, liniment and any other thing I can think of have kept me on my feet. Some motivation has been the need of my animals and also anger at my spouse for putting me in this position. Anger kept me moving when I should have collapsed. Where we used to live I could push our old mower while in my power chair. This terrain and the new mower makes it impossible. The bad news is this morning I weighed in assuming I'd burned off some calories--WRONG My weight went up three and a half pounds.I weighed the day before. I know I drank extra fluids because of pain meds but I also took my water pill to prevent retention. WHY Me. I have been trying really hard-pushing myself and exercising with in my limits. I am not going to fail at his because I am stubborn and refuse to give in. I am going to loose weight, and get a new life.
Thanks for the support and motivation spark friends..I know you'll help me make it.,I believe. I also want chocolate but am smart enough there isn't any in the house !I'd "kill" for a chocolate bar but would feel worse about it tomorrow especially with the extra pounds. I am rewarding myself by going to bed early even if I don't sleep my body should be grateful.