part 2 Being stubborn

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I survived two days now of mowing . I have a new pain scale for 1 to 10.The rain saved me from my stubbornness. Unfortunately it started pouring early evening. I put in two and a half hours in today. Thanks to the kindness of the neighbor I now know our lawn mower has a self propel feature he neglected to tell me of. I lot of struggling on my part and barely being able to move caught the attention of my neighbor when he was traveling to one of his fields near by. Thank god. It was easier with this feature. My right hand is torn up and I am trying to brush my hair with my left hand, thankfully I was born left handed and switched as a child so I can use it better then most people can..I am typing with one hand. Called my sons and got a response from the youngest of well you are fat and need to exercise. He has no compassion for my fibro, spinal disease,heart condition arthritis or any of my other health issues. He is a youth minister and I can not understand his lack of compassion and decency. Everything is about his new family and his church and the hell with the rest of us. Someday karma will get him and I feel sorry for him being so narrow minded and closed of heart. My oldest just said basically it had to be done and that was that. With my neighbor stopping by it shamed the old man to pretend to be busy fixing the weed wacker. The whole time I was working all I could think about is they will miss me when I am gone. I am more determined then ever before that this is not the way I want to live or life I was meant to have. Pain medication, hot soaps, liniment and any other thing I can think of have kept me on my feet. Some motivation has been the need of my animals and also anger at my spouse for putting me in this position. Anger kept me moving when I should have collapsed. Where we used to live I could push our old mower while in my power chair. This terrain and the new mower makes it impossible. The bad news is this morning I weighed in assuming I'd burned off some calories--WRONG My weight went up three and a half pounds.I weighed the day before. I know I drank extra fluids because of pain meds but I also took my water pill to prevent retention. WHY Me. I have been trying really hard-pushing myself and exercising with in my limits. I am not going to fail at his because I am stubborn and refuse to give in. I am going to loose weight, and get a new life.
Thanks for the support and motivation spark friends..I know you'll help me make it.,I believe. I also want chocolate but am smart enough there isn't any in the house !I'd "kill" for a chocolate bar but would feel worse about it tomorrow especially with the extra pounds. I am rewarding myself by going to bed early even if I don't sleep my body should be grateful.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Your determination and never give up spirit is a real inspiration for the rest of us!
    3808 days ago
  • ENUFF81020
    Hi there, my friend,

    I have fibro as well as spine and back problems--knees and heart and BP and all--and I wouldn't be trying what you are doing. I am so impressed with your focus and effort. Be careful though, injuring yourself to prove a point is not in your best interest. I am guessing that your body is doing some fluid retention in spite of the water pill that you took--blisters and stressed muscles will make the body try to heal, that may mess around with the scale.
    I am so sorry that your sons aren't understanding the reality of your situation. It seems as if being preoccupied with their own lives is a comfort zone for them and probably frees them up from guilt or needing to do anything on your behalf. It isn't kind--but it lets them off the hook in their worlds. I wish they could see the big picture for you and lend a hand or at least a shoulder and some understanding. Hang in there, because you are right about your SparkFriends, we care a lot. I include you in all of my prayers and I believe that they will be answered with al of the infinite wisdom of our Lord.
    Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Get a warm shower--or bath if you can do that--to ease your aches and pains. You're the best, my friend.
    3808 days ago
    Hang in there Lady -- little by little -- this was a bigger bite. Light at the end of the tunnel. Blessings and Hugs and prayers your way -- Echo emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3809 days ago
    I would say a better word might be determined. You inspire me since I know the health problems you have. I have spoken to others with fibro and just normal housework can put them down and you are working in a field doing hard labor.

    3809 days ago
    Oh how I feel for you. I am sorry to say that although your son is a minister he is NOT a man of God.

    With all the work you did, and the soreness you are feeling, your body is holding on to fluids while it repairs the muscles. It will let go of the excess in a few days. Don't stress about it.

    Take care of you and those precious puppies of yours.
    emoticon Kathleen
    3809 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2702433
    I am impressed and humbled by your determination. You said in your last blog how other bloggers have made you feel like you ask alot. You do the same for me!
    Please, try not to fret about the weight gain.... with all the work you did, the body is recovering and has added fluid for that process. I don't know a lot on how the body works. I just know that when I have a strenuous workout, my weight goes up. Unless you have eaten well over your calorie intake for the week.... try not to stress about it to much. It will all balance out in the end.
    If you have questions, I would be happy to help. If I don't have the answer, then I will find it.

    3809 days ago
    You are a stubborn one and in your case that's a very good thing......I can't explain the added weight, except that maybe you drank much more water than you thought. So glad your didn't have Chocolate in the house or You'd have gained even more.....Bed rest after a day of mowing is good.
    Keep on walking that tunnel..there's always light at the end of it.
    Wish you a happier day tomorrow.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3809 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/27/2010 8:50:37 PM
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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