"Life" is not going to get in the way of my journey...
Friday, April 30, 2010
"Life" has been pretty stressful these days for me. Actually, that is an understatement. I have a now 16 year old daughter and a nearly 14 year old son who decided that the way to stop having to follow the rules and to get the things--and I mean expensive, material things--that they want is to call Child Protective Services and raise holy hell with our lives. My daughter decided that she wants to move to live with another family that moved downstate. It is not the family of a friend...just a family who has been feeding her pity party and telling her how rough her life is and how she is OWED more (think $$ and things) from us than she gets. They told the same thing to all of the kids.
So it has been an emotionally devastating week. I am still waiting for CPS to show up here to interview me. They have 60 days to do their investigation. So the older kids think that the way to keep me in line is to threaten to call them again and reiterate how much they hate their lives.
Yesterday I finally called their school and talked to one of the counselors there. I didn't know that she was sitting in on the CPS interviews, but she is so she couldn't really say much, but she could listen.
One of the complaints that my 14 year old son had to them was that I don't buy him clothes and he only has 1 pair of pants. Ummmm...I don't know how many pairs of pants he has because he washes his own laundry. BUT...if when he buys clothes he elects to buy a pair of $40 or $50 jeans instead of 2 or 3 less expensive pairs that is not my fault. I have gone to Walmart and the Salvation Army just to get him extra pants to play in and he refuses to even put them on. So who is really at fault if he truly only has 1 pair of pants??? He doesn't feel he should have a curfew. Ever. He doesn't feel that he needs to tell us where he is going. He feels it is okay to tell me "shut your mouth I am not going to listen to you." He feels it's okay to double up his fists and stalk towards me when he's mad and his father is supposed to sit there and let him instead of stepping in and telling him to set his Fing ass down.
My daughter blames me and frankly everyone else in the extended family for not having close friends. She hates the school. She hates our town. She hates everything...but of course bears no responsibility. I can appreciate how lonely she must feel...but she also needs to look within and try to understand why it is that the people who were once her friends are not friends with her anymore. She is also mad that she is failing 4 subjects at school (has been all year long) and it is our fault.
There is no personal responsibility from either of them. Both of them are mad that I won't get a cell phone contract for them. I bought them a prepaid phone but told them it is their responsibility to earn the money to pay for their minutes. How dare I?!? And I won't buy my son a $150 skateboard "just because". And I won't buy my daughter a $195 Ipod touch just because. I would be happy to help them out and give them opportunities to earn money so they can buy the things they want...but I don't OWE them.
My 12 & 13 year old kids are caught in the middle. They are afraid of the older 2. I just told them to tell the CPS people the truth. That they don't have anything to hide. But that doesn't make them feel better.
So back to why I labeled this blog entry the way I did. I spent the first 4 days this week intermittently crying and raging and feeling like a horrible person. I tried to keep track of what I was eating but I had no real appetite...I just ate what someone gave me whether it was the best choice or not. I couldn't find the motivation to work out. But I got up this morning and thought to myself "TO HELL WITH THAT!!!" I am not going to let what life has dealt me right now take me away from my journey to a healthier me. (I forgot to mention that the older kids are pissed that I have healthy food for myself and that I bought a used treadmill & a used elliptical) I have invested too much time and energy into this journey to let them take it away from me.
So I got back on the elliptical this morning and I worked out. I really counted my calories. And while I am still sad and hurt...I am going to continue on with my journey.