own worse enemy

Monday, May 03, 2010

Took Mara , my rott angel in training with me today. She was a hit with the neurologist. She is normally afraid of rotts but Mara was perfect and made friends with the doctor and staff. More tests and more bad news. I now have arthritis in almost every joint and with it in the feet it makes it hard to walk plus the news that I have peripheral neuropathy like we'd suspect for some time now. Her nerve testing machine was replaced and delivered while I was there. I am the first guinea pig and have my nerve test on Thursday during her regular lunch hour. I'll finally find out if I'll qualify nerve wise for a knee replacement. Cross your fingers for me ! My doctor recommended a lot of new drugs but I am not covered and she wanted to double my Lyrica from 300 to 600 mg a day but I can't get that covered and I'd hit the gap in a few months and be in a jam for the rest of the year .On Thursday I'm taking my drug coverage book with me and we will find the best combo that I can afford . I was able to get a new knee brace that was two sizes smaller and now fits properly once again. Whoopee
Bankruptcy is finally paid for and the classes are finished and we should get the certificates in a few days.The attorney says they only take the forms a couple of times a month to the court to file. I hope it is soon.One more step.
AS for my weight my doctor thought I looked good. I told her I haven't taken any weight off.She says I look good and when doing the exam she can tell that I am getting my muscles back and told me to keep it up. A thumbs up from her means a lot. She has always been in my corner and has been very supportive.
Friendship. I have been thinking a lot about my best friend and have been disappointed and was angry at him. I was even feeling betrayed . I was so angry I almost didn't take his call yesterday. I did however out of fairness. He needed me to travel 83 miles and pick him up and take him another 45 miles to go to a Veterans Hospital. An emergency run. He twisted his back and couldn't walk. His wife wouldn't take him, and if she did with her M S she is blind at night,his daughter doesn't drive and well I ended up doing it. I wasn't sure if I could survive the drive and it meant leaving ALL dogs behind. The V.A has a thing about dogs being there ! I had to dig deep down inside to manage that long of a drive one way but felt I needed to see my doctor today so drove home. I had to help lift him in and out of the car and get him into a wheel chair and push him all over the hospital for testing. I ended up at midnight driving home and my pain meds wore off and I was famished and the only thing open was fast foods and I blew it. I had a burger and I ate the fries. I know I will pay for it. No deed goes unpunished when you weigh in .I was a good friends and a good person but failed myself by being weak and eating the wrong choice. It wasn't even that good. The choices I have made along with health issues have gotten me where I am today. I caught a glimpse of myself in the glass and didn't like what I saw. That one weak moment will set me back for a week at least. I am my own worse enemy. I have made poor choices for most of my life. I hope by realizing this I will have learned my lesson. My doctor supports my personal and weight goals. She encourages me to get a separation and to move on with my life.I am not depressed even with the health news today. I know with sparks I will make it. I may take a long time but I have gained so much in this journey. I am growing for once and not in SIZE.I plan on being with sparks a long time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I know some insurances don't pay for some meds..but can't your doc get a prior authorization? When I had migraines I went to the doc and he gave me a sample and said if i kept having migraines he would have to give me another med because my insurance would never pay for it it's too expensive..Guess what? I am on that expensive migraine med!!
    Good Luck to you!!
    3802 days ago
    Whoa, All that energy you spent pushing a wheelchair and walking, probably more than made up for the burger and fries. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know you are going thru so much right now, and it's real easy to get negative under all that stressful stuff. Still try to turn those thoughts into positive ones.

    On a more positive note, I have info for you ( and me) who are going to hit that donut hole. I will look it up and send it to you. I need to do it for myself also. Some of these meds are so expensive.. I have 21 rx's and then my infusions that are thousands every month. It's crazy.

    By the way, I have gotten onto Cymbalta for the neuropathy and it's working better than then other drugs did for me. All the best to you. emoticon
    3802 days ago
    You are a good person and you are good to your friends! I think the blessings will come for you and I hope that not one calorie from that burger and fries even sticks!

    3803 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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