Friday, May 07, 2010
Yeah it happened again. I went in for my nerve test you know the one I have been waiting for since before 2010 and after getting there and waiting I found out the machine was not working AGAIN ! Is there a hidden message here. Am I not to get this test / Maybe I am not ready to handle the answer. If this test shows the nerve is bad, I will not get my knee replaced. What will I do then, how will I handle that sort of news. I have personally dreaded that that may happen. All my future plans and dreams revolve around getting my knee replaced and being more mobile and independent where I could move out and get a new life for myself and rottweiler's. I am physically struggling and pushing myself often way beyond my limits for this goal. I feel there has to be a reason for this and I can't come up with a positive spin on this. Doctors office didn't call and cancel because the tech was suppose to call back and fix it before I got there. Test has not been rescheduled and now I don't know whether to see ortho surgery or reschedule his appointment on the fourteenth trust my neurologist and would hate to use another one but may need to. This whole thing has been weighing heavy on my mind and is not resolved.
Bankruptcy paper work all completed and due to be delivered to court trustee this week. Hurray. One goal accomplished at least.
Tomorrow I make a day trip back to my old stomping grounds to see Anthony play soccer. So far this season his team has lost every game and hasn't scored even one goal. I hope by offering moral support he'll enjoy the game for the sake of the game and not be competitive where he feels he has failed because they loose. He needs self esteem .I could use a hug and some positive too. I gave Mara a bath today because grandma said she smelled on our last visit. There house is so dirty and cluttered there was really no way to tell but it gives her one less thing to complain about and I do take Mara everywhere with me and planned on giving her a bath when the weather warmed up anyway.
Trying to hang in there and stay positive in a world of chaos and crap going on around me.