WILLOWWINDS

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~* Prayers Can't Be Answered Unless They Are Prayed *~

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Sorry been sort of out of commission the last few days. Haven't felt well and mishaps abound. The Doctor started me on a medication and I have been taking it for over a week. The side effects started on Saturday. Bad stomach cramps and diarrhea. Now I never had a child but these pains were what I imagined it would feel like. I have never had such stomach pain before in my life. I have been feeling drained, dizzy, tired and sort of depressed that is why I haven't blogged.

Each day I wake up feeling ok then the stomach stuff acts up again. Called the doctor today and she said I have to just let the medicine take's it course in leaving my system. Had a few eggs today and having rice for lunch. Hoping they will help.

Saturday our coffee pot broke. Actually our's broke a few weeks ago. Linda gave us an old one to use it is the one that broke. I had tea anyway. My DH got some packets from the one pantry that is instant coffee, sugar and creamer all in it. He said it wasn't bad, I can't have it due to the sugar in it. Today he used a coffee filter and manually poured water through to make some. I had 2 cups.

Then last week when we were running out of basic essentials we wrote a check at the grocery store. We know it takes a long time for them to cash it. But when we got money in our account I forgot to account for it. I felt SO STUPID. So I have been stressing over whether it will bouce before our next deposit. The $35 nsf fee isn't something we can afford. Again I felt SO stupid. But, I checked today and it hasn't gone through so hopefully it won't until after tomorrow.

Flurry is losing hair. First she had a area that wasn't growing back Then the other day I found she had patches of her coat where there is no hair there at all. She isn't itching or anything. Just patches where hair is missing. So I researched on the internet and found a lot saying "thyroid". So I called the vet and asked her to go through Flurry's medical records from there and the Emergency Hospital to see if she was even tested for thryoid. They didn't so I asked how much it would be. They said $192. the bloodwork alone is $150. I know she isn't in any pain but I feel a little helpless cause I can't afford to have her tested. Then it might not even be that. I have been thinking that if my babies had "parents" who can take care of them they might be better off.


Sunday was our 12th anniversary of our marriage. Other than playing on the computer together we didn't do much. When we were on our honeymoon we went to Las Vegas. We aren't big gamblers or anything but back when we got married it was a cheap get away and lost of site seeing. We were hoping to go back on our 10 th and getting remarried by Elvis or something fun.

Now I can't even go out to the store let alone. With the oxygen 24/7 a cylinder only lasts an hour. Then I think due to my size I am becoming angoraphobic. I am scared to leave the house. Scared of what people will think. Scared I won't be able to get into the van myself. I have a terrible fear of falling and not being able to get up and having to call the EMT's for help. This has happened to me before.

I am just feeling like each month I keep saying if we get through this month we will be ok. Then that next month comes and we are still struggling and not getting caught up. Even deposit the money is already gone before we get it. The flea market was a loss of a couple hundred dollars. Now it seems all our money is for bills and nothing left after it for medicine, food and everyday things.

I have looked into making money from blogging and it was weird they keep wanting me to write about general products to promote things. I like to blog but was a little at a loss on how this works. I also. Looked into surveys that pay but they only give me some sort of points. How this all works doesn't make much sense to me other than to get junk email.

Now I have a cat named Tux. Originally Tuxedo he was white with a spot on his head that is black. He outgrew it now he is pure white. I have a picture in my photos. He found me literally. I was visiting my Mom at a mobile home park. Tux ran up to me at 10 weeks old and wanted me to pick him up. He instantly was purring and neading me. This cat has such a personality. I call him my "Gift from God" when ever I am down he cheers me up. He is very vocal and when he wants love you know it.

I mentioned depression part right? Last night all this is running through my head. I thought about is this all there is to life? I feel bad for my DH he doesn't deserve this. I feel guilty, like I am keeping him from enjoying his life. He has been so cranky and raising his voice a lot. Makes me feel terrible. The pain in my chest last night felt like my heart was breaking or my spirit. I had a nice long cry feeling sorry for myself.
So I prayed. Prayed for God to give me guidence into doing what is right. Prayed he would use me to help others somehow. To be his servent. Prayed to be USEFUL. Prayed for my DH to know how much he really means to me. I tell him but I don't think he understands. I have no one really in my life other than him. I prayed he knows how much I appreciate his sacrifies.

I prayed for my "babies" health, especially Flurry right now. When I look toward the future I see a house in a rural area. A small one story rancher that I can get around in. I see it all the time. They say if you see it or dream it, it is for a reason. I prayed for a way for me to make this vision happen. Might sound silly but I prayed over the check not to get cleared yet. even.

Next thing I know Tux is up beside me in bed wanting love. He made me feel SO much better. I took this as another of God's gifts. I dried my tears and thanked God for the message. One day at a time. One prayer at a time even. There I feel so much better just getting all this out. Even if no one reads this I feel relief. I found this post and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Prayers can't be answered unless you pray them.





~* Prayers Can't Be Answered Unless They Are Prayed *~
By: Author Unknown


Life without purpose is barren indeed

There can't be a harvest unless you plant seed There can't be attainment unless there's a goal

And man's but a robot unless there's a soul



If we send no ships out, no ships will come in

And unless there's a contest, nobody can't win

For games can't be won unless they are played

And prayers can't be answered unless they are prayed



So whatever is wrong with your life today

You'll find a solution if you kneel down and pray

Not just for pleasure, enjoyment and health

Not just for honors and prestige and wealth



But pray for a purpose to make life worth giving

And pray for the joy of unselfish giving

For great is your gladness and rich your reward

When you make your life's purpose the choice of the Lord.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TRISH106
    I have missed your blogs. for some reason they have not been showing in my email. The last one I received was the first blog on the Castle. I had to look for you today to catch up.
    I have been busy and life happens.
    I am sorry to hear your meds are giving you bad side effects. I hate having to change beacuse of that. It also seems to make our lives harder to deal with when we are not feel good physically.
    I wish there was a way other than sending prayers that I could be of help to you, DH, and Flurry. I sure hope it is not her thyroid. Maybe stress? Our animals can take on our stresses just like children. I am happy that you have Tux. There is nothing better than having the unconditional love of an animal. My cat Adam always knows when I am down or sick and spends alot more time in my lap or laying beside mee in bed.
    Hope you are feeling better soon.
    Keep sending your poems and jokes I love them. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3895 days ago
  • MSLZZY
    Sending prayers your way! Hope God is listening!
    3897 days ago
  • ROTTLADY
    You ,your husband and four legged loved ones are always in my prayers. I hope daily that your health will improve and the financial woes will be lifted. You are bearing such a terrible burden. Surely it will come to an end soon and you will find less depression and some peace and happiness. emoticon emoticon emoticon You are the emoticon blogger out here. Keep it up. With appreciation and gratitude
    3897 days ago
  • 0309COOKIE
    Please know that you, your hubby and your furbabies are on my prayer list. I hope things look up for you soon.
    3898 days ago
  • MSJAP1
    I hope and pray things get better for you Willowinds. It seems so unfair you have all this to cope with. You have such a way with words I really think you could do well blogging it's worth continuing to find out what you can.

    I am sure your DH knows how you really feel about him. Your SparkFriends know what a good heart you have and so I am sure he does too. I hope the unpleasent side effects you are getting at the moment pass soon. I truly hope you can stay positive, besides I am waiting for my next history lesson on Castles!
    emoticon
    3898 days ago
  • JAZZIELORI
    WOW! Am I glad I read your blog! I just knew by the title it was going to be an interesting one..First I am so sorry that you don't feel well...feeling ill makes everything so much more difficult....I am glad you prayed and received a message those are the best huh?
    I have prayed for you as well..nothing like getting extra insurance!!..lol
    God Bless
    Lori
    3898 days ago
  • AZCUPCAKE
    My heart is hurting for you. I can't begin to tell you how much I am praying for you right now. I wish there was a way to take all of your worries away. I am glad you are able to share with your friends all that is troubling you. You are one special woman, and God has plans for you that you can't even begin to imagine. Hang on tight, Willow. You and Flurry are in God's care, even if it doesn't always seem that way! emoticon emoticon
    3898 days ago
  • GRACENFAITH
    Lord, all the glory is yours and yours alone. You know the needs in this life, so I ask that she would find the answers she seeks. May she feel your comfort in her needs and may her heart filled with your joy. Thank you, Lord for her words and help them to witness to others. In Jesus name...Amen
    3898 days ago
  • ROSEMARDORF
    Hi,Willow, I am so sorry you are going through all of this!!! It is good to blog about it!! I hope Flurry quits losing her hair!! It maybe stress??? I am glad you have TUX!! Cats are very loving too!! Tux knew you needed him last night: He comforted you; and you him!! I belive your pets have awesome parents!! No one
    loves them like you do!!! I sure am glad you are feeling some better!!! Side effects of some medications are just plain awful!!! I hope it gets out of your body very soon!!! I sure hope something starts going good for you and your dh, and your pets!! It sure would be nice to make some money from home!!! I hope you find something!! Love your poem!! I am glad you blogged today; I was getting
    concerned about you!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3898 days ago
  • BBGOOGIN
    "Stop telling God about how big your storm is, Instead tell the storm how big your God is"--I really liked this on your Spark page! And, I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to share your poem with my friends today. Good word. Thanks for blogging and sharing....

    Did I read right that you live in Pennsylvania?? I'm here, too! What town?

    Prayers going up for you today,

    ~Susan

    3898 days ago
  • 4ANEWME2DAY
    emoticon emoticon emoticon wishes!!
    3899 days ago
  • ALLTHNGSPOSSBLE
    Hang in there. I can relate to some of what you are saying and I know how you feel. It is difficult but God always provides and takes care of us. Keep believing and keep praying. He does care for you.
    3899 days ago
  • THLYDA
    I am so sorry to read your blog and to hear of your problems. Know that you will be in my prayers. The hair problem on Flurry may just be nerves. Especially with a new family member in the houseand the stress it sounds like you are going through affects our four-legged babies in ways we don't understand. Yes, prayer always helps. I have found that God answers prayers in 3 ways; yes- you can have this, no- I have something better for you and you have got to be kidding-we both know you don't really want or need this. I hope this helps. By the way I pray for my "babies" all the time, God loves them too.
    3899 days ago
  • VISUALLYRICS
    I will be praying for you today. emoticon
    3899 days ago
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