Protecting What's Essential

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I started writing this blog an hour ago, but it keeps getting jumbled up.

The bottom line is that I hate being noticed at the gym. I hate it when I see people looking at me, and I hate it when they talk to me. Usually whatever they are saying is very nice and/or trying to be helpful. But my insecure mind turns everything into messages of embarrassment or exposure.

I know I'll get over this as I take one baby step at a time and keep showing up. I only go to the gym 3 times a week, but these three gym sessions are my favorite workouts. It's my strength training on machines workouts.

What I learned tonight is not to procrastinate and put off going to the gym in the daytime when I'm comfortable and have a good routine going at that time.

I discovered tonight that doing my ST workouts with few people around is important in order for me to enjoy them.

Ok. I know I can do the workouts when I'm not enjoying them. I did tonight. But why set myself up for disappointment when I can easily set myself up for success?

I learned tonight to protect what is essential.

Maybe it's essential to work a little on self-acceptance, too. emoticon
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  • TEDYBEAR2838
    Definitely work on self-acceptance. Others are so proud to see you working out at the gym. I know they are probably thinking: Wow, she's doing great and it's good for her to be here. She's determined.

    Self talk - GOOD self-talk is important, even on days we don't feel like doing it. Just think of all the people who will see you get slimmer and slimmer and healthier and healthier.

    emoticon emoticon
    3841 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7342839
    For what it's worth, Cindy, whenever I see someone working hard to improve their fitness, especially when I can see that it must be very difficult, I am filled with admiration. I truly believe that most of the people at the gym who see you there feel the same way and are sincere in offering what little support they can. (The few jerks don't count!) Nevertheless, it's your perception that counts. Thanks for sharing your process here. I also want to enjoy this journey and I'll take the idea of protecting what is essential and add it to my own tool kit.

    emoticon emoticon
    3841 days ago
    We'll help you with the self-acceptance. You keep going to the gym during the day so you enjoy it.

    Maybe you can set a goal to go to the gym at a different time later ... either a date to do it by or when you are at a certain weight. Remember, baby steps. We are all doing them.

    Even though I posted a picture of myself in my swim suit, I still feel very self-conscious wearing it. My grandson will be visiting us June 5-11. My goal is to go swimming with him and hubby ... In Public!

    I'll work on me and you work on you and we will both be winners!
    emoticon Kathleen
    3843 days ago
    Cindy, you keep going for YOU! Chances are, most people aren't even noticing that you're there - most people are honestly so self-absorbed that they think everyone is looking at them. And also honestly - any who are looking at you are probably thinking, wow, look at her - Good for her! If she can do it, I can, too!

    I've found that a lot of us are insecure, way down inside. Their thoughts may not be all that different from your thoughts. So you just go when it works for you - and pretend no one else is there, or just imagine that anyone who looks at you is being motivated. You can't actually read their mind, and you may as well give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

    I KNOW this is hard:-) I've gone to the gym in the past (I don't now because we pretty much have what we need at home). I hated it when a thin person would get next to me - it really intimidated me. But you know what - when I was thin, I wasn't actually in any better physical condition - I just looked better. You're paying just as much as they are - never forget that! You deserve to be there just as much as they do! I say - get more than your money's worth out of it! Don't just give your money to the gym and get nothing out of it! Be the one that's an inspiration - 'cause you KNOW that you're going to be smaller and smaller as time goes by. The ones that you think may be looking at you and thinking negative thoughts - those will be the ones who will be so wow'd by what you accomplish!

    emoticon You ARE worth it, Cindy!!
    3843 days ago
    Good for you. When I was a member of the Y, I always made sure I went when the least amount of people were there. When I was a runner, I used to run right before it got dark hoping that people wouldn't be out and see me. The reality is, most people really don't care what you're doing. We just think they're looking at us and making rude comments about what we are doing. Just keep going and don't give up!
    3843 days ago
    Some people are rude and crude! And most of those people have insecurities of their own that they take out on other people.

    Cindy- you are doing a great job. Don't let others get to you!
    3843 days ago
    Good for you for going to the gym anyway. I workout daily at 10 am specifically because there are very few people there. (I do a lot of things to avoid other people, but I guess that's a separate issue emoticon .) If I miss my 10 I usually don't go at all, so good for you. Keep up the good work; you're on your way to a healthier you!
    3843 days ago
    Good blog! I understand exactly what you are saying! Been there, done that as the saying goes.

    I was really proud of myself when I was going to the gym several years ago - I went from needing a cane and only being able to do about 5 minutes on the treadmill - at a pretty slow pace - to doing a good 30 - 40 minutes at an almost brisk walk.

    The problems for me were that there almost always seemed to be these anorexic looking stick people who clumped and thumped on the treadmills beside me at speeds rivalling Superman!

    I always felt that they looked at the fat old lady who was barely able to move in comparison, and it would make me feel lousy instead of proud of my improvements. Sure made the whole experience not a fun one.... One day I heard someone make a nasty crack about old fat people should not be allowed in the gym when people who were serious about their appearance and health were there. That was one of the last times I went to the gym.

    These days I struggle with just making the effort to get up and do something - anything.... but I am working on kicking my backside into action! hehehe


    3844 days ago
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