Fighting the Downward Spiral....

Saturday, June 26, 2010

I can feel its presence...I know it is there, lurking, whispering, telling me that I should not waste my time trying (once again) to lose weight. that it is more powerful than I am and it has all the time in world... it can wait until I fail again. Yes, IT is the nagging voice in my head playing tricks in my mind. That voice has been there for as long as I can remember, just too eager to remind me what I CAN'T do in life...

In order to silence the voice, in order to win, I think I have to "be perfect" in my weight loss effort. I must eat well everyday, work out everyday, drink 8+ glasses of H2O everyday, So anything short of EVERYDAY doesn't seem to matter to the voice. Can you spell pressure?

This week I walked a lot more, thanks to a month long walkathon at work. It's silly fun but keeps me motivated to wear my pedometer and move more. That was good but it wasn't everyday, it wasn't perfect.

I logged my food 4 days this week. and that was also good, right? Yes, but not good enough. So the downward spiral begins...

Yesterday, I did not go for a walk...I ate a crunch bar for lunch and went our for dinner. Of course I did not log in my food. (Why? so I could see on the screen how far off plan I was?) and to top it off I drank very little water.
At night, after dinner, I could hear the voice loud and clear. Mocking me: "Why try again Deb...aren't you tired of failing? Give up! You are on week 1 and already blew it...why bother. And it went on... weekend is 4th of July. Do you think you can keep up with this eat right/exercise stuff? Of course not, give up. It's easier if you stop now and just go on being fat and eating what you want. Save yourself the trouble."

And I listen to it. It's familiar. Most of the time the voice wins, I am afraid. Right now, for instance, I am hanging by a thread. Thinking maybe it is right. Maybe I should stop trying. Maybe I will never conquer my weight battle so why bother.

All this self doubt makes me sad. Mostly because quitting/giving up is NOT easier. If quitting meant the negative inner dialogue would stop then, I could see the benefit on quitting. However, the feelings of inadequacies are going to still be there, regardless. The only thing that works is not to stop trying. It makes me stronger than the voice and it keeps it at bay. So I keep on trying.

Yes, next weekend I will be out of town with friends and there will be lots of temptations and the week after that I go on vacation. the voice knows that and he is lurking, reminding me that "resistance is futile" but all I will try to do the best I can not to let it win.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Just keep going! You DON'T have to be perfect!!! In the book The Spark it discusses creating an UPWARD spiral - and those totally DO exist. One little success followed by others - every positive choice you make - will continue to lead you in that upward spiral. :) Keep at it!
    3734 days ago
    Thanks folks the encouragement...i needed it.

    Like the idea of setting goals of 3 days a week and build up from there.

    Another day, Moving on... emoticon
    3736 days ago
    I know that voice too!! And i hate it! and I hate that is has any influence on me....I know you pretty well I think, and I know you won't give up. And you are always so optimistic...i think we both have said numerous times to each other "We will keep trying until we succeed."

    I know it's hard, and I know it's frustrating, and sometimes it would easier to quit....but I have faith in you, and I have faith in your success.

    Love you beautiful woman!
    3736 days ago
    This is an opportunity for you to silence that inner voice- to take control but first you must allow yourself to not be "perfect"-shot for 3 out of 5 days and go from there-we all reach this wall but if we give in what is next ??? emoticon emoticon
    3737 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.