Adoption: Mother and Mom
Friday, July 02, 2010
Mother and Mom
I was raised with one sister and two brothers, with two loving parents. My sister was adopted, and then later so was I. Our birth families were not the same, and yet through higher powers, we were raised within the same loving family.
Last night, somehow, my sister and I started discussing the subject of being adopted. I looked for my birth parents and found my birth mother. I learned that I had five brothers and sisters. Tonight my sister revealed that at the time I made contact with my birth mother, she felt like I was betraying our mother and father.
She was very offended that I called my birth mother, my mother. Hell, she gave birth to me, what do I call her?
My sister said that she was nothing more than an incubator and that was it. I tried to explain that in my heart, she is my mother as she gave birth to me and that my “mom” can never be replaced by anyone as she has raised me, and loved me unconditionally as if I was her flesh and blood. My Mom is my mom and cannot be replaced. She chose to love me, and guess what? She chose me when she adopted me. That is true love and I am her daughter, even if I do have a birth mother, I am my mom’s daughter.
I wonder why my sister can’t see past this. Why can’t she see that even though I have a birth mother, that I have a mom, a mom that loves me. By admitting that another woman gave birth to me, does that take away from the mom that has raised me? Does it take away from the mom that has loved me even through the bad times that I put her through? NO, it doesn’t.
Why do some people feel so threatened by finding the birth parents? Why does my sister find it as such betrayal? I admit, I have other brothers and sisters, I have other grandparents and I do have a birth mother and a birth father. Could I be here without them? NO!
I have to admit, I love the fact that my birth mother and father had me, I love the fact that they knew they couldn’t raise me. Without them, I wouldn’t be here….. Would I? No I wouldn’t.
I’ll tell you right now, I would love to get back in tough with my birth family, but it does not mean that I love my family any less, I believe that it means that I want to know my whole family, by blood or by love, they are all my family and yes, I am more bound to my mom and dad, they love me no matter what and that is the best gift any child could ever have, true love, unconditional love.
Imagine that when things got tough, how easy would it be to say, “She is adopted, no wonder she does this?” how easy that would be. But no, they always treated me as their child and I am so proud of them for loving me.
Ok, yes, I have to admit that I love my real parents more than anything in this world. I may not be their blood but guess what? I am their sweat, their tears and their love and I AM THEIR DAUGHTER, forever I will be their daughter and they will forever be my Mom and my Dad.
My “real” parents are my parents that raised me, that loved me, that took care of me and I love them more than anything!!!