Hard to Concentrate..

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Good morning! Hope everyone had a nice 4th of July.

I have been really absent the past couple weeks.. With the internet at work being strange (it kept blocking Sparkpeople along with other pages it doesn't normally block), and not having internet at home currently, it has been impossible to keep up with my Spark Page. :[ Luckily, my internet at work is working today and I have a few minutes of free time.

I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. I have been going through some really weird bursts of happiness and fits of sadness. I can always tell when something is going wrong with me because my dreams feel it first. I start having really vivid dreams and getting upset really easily. Last weekend I had a dream that involved someone from my past stabbing my little sister and her girlfriend to death. Messed up right?!? And the dreams are so vivid, I wake crying and distraught. Bruce tries to comfort me, but generally the rest of the night I am damned to horrible sleep if any. And it affects my mood the rest of the day, and makes it really hard to get into the gym.

It could also be the effects of not getting into the gym on a regular basis (or eating as I usually do) this past week. My body is super sensitive to changes in routine. But it really bothers me regardless. I hate that I have such horrible dreams. I have dreamt of nearly everyone I love and care about dying in some horrible graphic manner at one point or another.. Including Bruce.

I had a great weekend, that is the most confusing part. Me and Bruce had an awesome date night on Friday that consisted of going to a nice Wine&Bistro for dinner, going to a comedy show, and then walking the neighborhood from midnight to nearly 5 in the morning just talking about our future and how much we love each other. (Side note- I CANNOT wait to move! Seriously.. I believe we only have 9 more days!!) Then Saturday, we hung out all day and each of us had a friend over for the evening. We drank some and just chatted and played the Wii. Sunday was an amazing amazing bbq consisting of trout, stuffed salmon, t bones, hyvee's brats (assorted), pork on a stick, sweet potato wedges, vegetable kabobs, and baked apples. wow, it was really amazing. Lastly, yesterday we went to Worlds of Fun (theme park) since military was free all weekend, the lines were short, and we had an awesome time. Finish that off with Joe's Crab Shack for dinner, and I can't imagine how I can possibly be letting this eerie depression-ish mood get to me since last week.

Ugh, I just want it to be over. I think a big part of it is concern for school stuff. That being a huge possibility, I have decided to buckle down early in the week and get the school stuff done each week instead of saving it for weekends. I just need to get to the point where I can calm myself down and remind myself that things are going to work out fine as long as I continue to put forth the necessary effort and just stick it out. So glad that my evening commitments are gone, and that I get to go back to my normal work schedule next week. I miss carpooling with my boyfriend, both because of money and time spent.

Anyway, sorry for being so absent (again). I am really hoping to hit it hard this week and get my mind back into the right place.

Have a great week.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm sorry honey!

    I have terrible, graphic dreams, too -- a lot of mine are actually memories. People don't usually understand how a dream can keep you up the rest of the night but *I* do!

    Big, big hugs to you.

    I also get how not exercising affects you. I'm getting in some but what I've found is I need EXTREME exercise to help -- and sometimes it's not gonna help but it sure takes the edge off!

    Wishing you deep, restful and relaxing sleep & some relief from whatever is triggering you. emoticon
    3799 days ago
  • COOP9002
    Glad to have you back. Hope this week goes better than last.
    3799 days ago
    Sounds like you had an awesome weekend!! I'm happy spark wasn't blocked at work today! Missed hearing from you!
    3799 days ago
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