This Weird Thing Happened with my Weight
Monday, July 19, 2010
OK, so Friday I noticed, out of the blue, that my double chin wasn't annoying me anymore. I had gotten up to about 254 lbs. a few weeks ago, and, for the first time, had developed this really bothersome double chin. You know, I could just feel skin moving on skin when I turned my head or tucked my head down. Disturbing.
So, I decided to hop on the scale Saturday. I weighed 240 lbs. Checked it twice. Checked it again later in the day. 240 lbs.
Now, mind you I was guessing at the 254 from about 6 weeks ago. I knew that I'd been 252 lbs. in May and had been eating a lot, my clothes were tighter,there was that double chin, etc., so I guessed that my additional weight gain was at least 2 lbs.
For the last four or five weeks, I have been trying to focus on eating fruits, vegetables, dairy (especially yogurt,) and nutritious carbs, while limiting foods that don't really contribute nutrients to my diet. Of course, the overall trend has been to eat less. I've also been drinking much more water and much less diet pop. I rarely counted calories, but going by the days that I ballparked it, I'd say I was eating 1500-2000 calories/day. Definitely sometimes more. If I felt like I'd eaten more than I could for weight loss, but was hungry, I'd remind myself that my goal was to be ok with eating healthfully, not to restrict, and I'd go ahead and eat a little something nutritious without stressing. A few times, when I felt like I might give up if I didn't just be ok with eating, I ate a candy bar or some pizza. I didn't make myself wait until I couldn't cope anymore. That seemed to make it easier to do the thing and then get back with the program. I've been trying to get away from "rules" because, historically, when I break them, I get disappointed with myself and give up taking care of myself entirely.
I literally have hardly gotten off the couch this entire time. I'm embarrassed to say it, but I mean that literally. I'm not working right now, it's been 90 and we don't have air conditioning. With my extra weight and being out of shape, I don't cope with the heat well. But, mostly, I've been a little, no a lot, depressed over recent life changes, so it's been really hard to push myself to do what I should do each day. Even this state of being is an improvement over spring, where I didn't even bother to stay awake while I lived on my couch 24/7. I'd just wake up in time to make a pan of brownies every night at midnight, and stay awake long enough to eat as much as I could.
I just can't believe that without moving an unnecessary muscle, and without stressing over food much, I lost 14 lbs. This has never happened to me before. I tend to under-eat, sometimes over-exercise, and then not get the results I think I "deserve."
So, my most significant changes were: eating less in general, not eating most of a pan of dessert every night, eating few sweets so as not to set off cravings, cutting back on diet pop, eating as little as possible of nutritionally worthless foods, eating as much fruit and vegetables as I could without getting sick of them, trying to trade in carbs that have more fiber, trying to eat enough protein (I eat mostly vegetarian,) eating a little more dairy (especially yogurt,) letting myself eat when I am hungry without guilt. Also, I have had a huge reduction lately in day-to-day stress. Since I'm not working or doing much else, I'm pretty much in charge of my environment, so I am better able to focus, without distractions or unexpected derailments, on my goals.
My push-push inner self is now trying to take over my success and load up on rules and supplements and whatever to maximize my gain, and guilting me over not exercising. I am going to go now and try to replace these manic, obsessive thoughts with some sort of calm conviction that making small changes over time really is a good plan. I'll probably end up compromising, but can't let myself get talked into plans and promises I can't keep.