I would like all of that food with a supersize of fries - please

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Finding out why I was overweight has been like the proverbial onion. Layers and layers of reasons and excuses. So many facets to be examined and explored. I thought that I had worked to a basic understanding of the major points. First - I ate crazy portions. Second, I did not eat enough during the day (in a misguided attempt at dieting) and set myself up for crashes in the afternoon which unfortunately coincided with the kids coming home from school. The perfect storm of emotional eating and low blood sugar - cue the Triscuits and chips. Third, I like to snack on chips, I love beef and starch - so I was making poor food choices as my main meals (yes snacks qualified as meals). Fourth - mindless eating, half a can of nuts at night (but they were heart healthy) - oh boy.

I change my eating when I started spark. I cut out beef except for small portions on rare occasions - don't miss it as nearly as much as I would have thought. This is probably tied into my daughter the vegan being home also. I cut out a lot of starches - these I miss sometimes but I have substituted some higher quality products. I don't know what I would have done without Ezekiel breads - I eat an Ezekiel English muffin every morning with egg whites and I have my lunch on either their bread or tortillas. For the most part I look forward to those and don't miss the other choices as much. I have identified some trigger foods that I just avoid - like nuts and chips. I find that it is easier to just not eat them. I think that like people who avoid sugar and find that over time the cravings decrease - I find the same with salty crunchy. Eating these sets me up for eating large quantities.

I have really focused on satiety cues and recognize hunger and thirst. I still am not great with portion control - I just eat lower calorie items. I do portion control things like pizza, desserts and then eat as much as I want of fruit, veggies, and light proteins. I usually come in at the lower end of my calorie range without hunger or cravings.

With all of these changes I felt comfortable that I was under control and could manage this for a lifetime. I felt healthy and confident and "clean". I thought that I was sailing in clear waters with a light breeze in my sails - I did not see those storm clouds over the horizon.

Which leads me to a new layer of that ole onion. I like to eat. That's it - I like to eat and I miss eating a lot of food at one time - a lot ( I know sounds funny). A lot of everything. This came about this weekend. It was my son's birthday and he always wants to have his party at home. Some of the Connecticut cousins were coming to stay with us so we planned a big party at the house. He wanted chips, and hamburgers and hot dogs - he is a 20 year old boy after all. So I cooked and prepared and suffered. I wanted to eat everything - not portion control, not choose one thing to indulge in - just a lot of everything. I wanted burgers dripping down my face, I wanted to talk to family while mindlessly eating chips and salsa. I wanted to eat ice cream and cake with nuts and syrup. Instead I ate chicken and squash and salad - and it did not satisfy me. (I did have cake and ice cream). I know that I could have had the other items and either just enjoyed them for the day or portion controlled them - but by this time I could feel a shift in my attitude towards food and I was afraid.

This feeling of want has not subsided - the craving to eat for eatings sake. The craving to eat a lot of all of those foods that are not the best choices like McDonald's fries - supersized. The desire to eat until I feel stuffed despite realizing that afterwards that I will not feel good, that it makes me feel sluggish. That it is gross. That it is not healthy. That it is not what I have been learning for all of these months. But still I want to not think about portions or calorie content - I want to just eat.

I normally don't write about things like this - but I think that this is significant for at least my stage of Spark. So many people who feel in control of losing weight - eventually gain it back. We are in a group of people who all started spark around the same time. We all have had various degrees of success but recently I have heard murmurs of struggle, boredom, frustration. I think that it is important to stop and figure out the cause and root it out - bring it to the light so that we can continue to work towards health.

My plan is to see how waiting it out and thinking it out works first. (I know - no one is hiring me for strategic planning anytime soon.) I do find that for the most part there is a gentle healing that takes place in mind and spirit if we take the time. So I will gut it out on willpower while waiting on that process. I will continue to blog and talk about this because I do not feel like this is unique to me. Face it we all like to eat and at some point this will become an issue for us all. So I will continue to sort this through and tease out

I want to thank you all for the encouragement that I have received from so many so far while I have been working this through - thanks you are the best.

This is a cautionary tale.
I have read the comments and I know what eating correctly without deprivation and feeling satisfied is. I know how to eat a little of what I want and to budget my calories so that I can "splurge" on something to avoid binges and frustration. For the last five months I found it all to be reasonable, natural and even easy at times. It is like (Sherwoodcycler) said - I do not remember the switch in my head going on when it became easier to go along with spark - but I do remember the click in my head when that switch clicked off. I guess this goes along with my motto of Be Ever Vigilant - don't get too complacent.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD10748384
    1594 days ago
    I don't know how I missed this, Mary. I can identify only too well with what you've said, especially about being able to eat, and overeat, because it's good and it's connected with family and friends, and it's the way we've always lived... If there's any answer to how to ingrain the healthy lifestyle and get it to become automatic - I don't know what it would be. Myself, what works is fear: the fear, sometimes almost abject terror, of what will happen if I don't maintain rigid control. It's not a method I would recommend to anyone, but for me, it really does come down to choices. Not the choice between 'Do I want to fit into a size 12, or do I want to go back to buying 26s?' but the choice between 'Do I want to have dessert, or do I want to risk diabetic retinopathy?' 'Do I want to splurge with a plateful of rice and loads of curry, or do I want to risk a stroke from hypertension?' It's not a good way to live. I think. It's working, but it's not fun. What I'm hoping is that eventually this 'fear' will keep the unhealthy lifestyle at bay long enough that healthy will become a habit - and then it will be easier. I hope. Time will tell, I guess. Meanwhile, it works for diet control, but doesn't work very well for goading me to get up off my duff to exercise. I'd say 'One thing at a time,' but I've been doing this for nigh onto two years now - you'd think I'd be past the one-thing-at-a-time stage and into Phase II, wouldn't you?
    3177 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/22/2011 4:45:40 AM
    WOW this really hit home. I couldve written it myself. Lately it seems more challenging and I thought I was "cured" but I guess it's an uphill battle every day and the cravings will maybe never completely go away. I do think it's harder inthe summer without a real routine going on. Thanks for your honest post.
    3522 days ago
    AMEN is all I have to say. It is so true...every word your wrote and I totally identify with it. It is what makes it so hard that to some extent we mourn the loss of the food and the loss of the freedom of eating what we want when we want and not thinking so hard about it.

    Great blog!
    3529 days ago
    I identify completely with this blog, Mary. I like to eat, I like to eat mindlessly, and I like to eat large quantities. And no matter how wonderful I feel when I'm eating reasonably and using control, there always comes a time when reasonable just won't cut it - I find myself just wanting to stuff myself. It's frustrating, and I have not found the cure for it yet. I am beginning to be afraid that there may not be one. I may cycle like this for the rest of my life - in control of my eating for a while, and hanging on to self-control by the skin of my teeth for a while. And repeat. With quite a few episodes of absolutely no control at all sprinkled throughout. Thanks for your honesty. It is helpful to know that I am not the only one with these crazy food issues out there. Judging by the response to your blog, it's probably the norm.
    3537 days ago
    I can so relate to this. Sometimes i just let go of all reason and eat and i usually feel pretty good while doing it - there i said it! Afterwards...well, not so good.
    3537 days ago
    Lots of truth here: we like to eat! Preferably without control, mindlessly.

    And eternal vigilance is the only cure for that.

    I have to stop expecting that I am going to stop wanting to eat too much, anytime soon! (For me, a bit like smoking: haven't had even one cigarette for well over 35 years, and remain always 1 cigarette away from a pack a day . . .)
    3538 days ago
    Thank you for this honest blog - you pinpoint things so well! I just ate a whole bag of rice cakes - crispy minis....told myself I was hungry but mostly I was eating to push down emotions and a bad case of PMS! Guess we just have to be committed to paying attention everytime a new onion peel presents itself.

    3538 days ago
  • SEXI0910
    Amen....great blog

    3538 days ago
    What a great blog. I was thinking about this over the weekend and there is just no easy way to proceed - and quite honestly, I just want a burger because I like burgers - not because I want to analyze "why" I like them.

    I think reassessing at this point is a good thing for me though just to stay on top of things - it certainly couldn't hurt.

    This was very insightful. Cheers.
    3538 days ago
    Excellent blog, Mary...I couldn't wait to read it! I will re-read it and all of the wonderful responses you received...based on the responses,it is obvious that many can relate. I think your vigilance will serve you for those times when your switch clicks are aware and ready and will respond accordingly.

    Being complacent and feeling too confident is when I start to veer off track...Just like any other addiction, there are triggers that can send us in a downward spiral if we are too lax. Learning to navigate our way around food in all situations is something we are all working on.

    Bless you as you unpeel those layers and thank you for sharing your thoughts and discoveries with us. We can learn so much from each is such a gift!

    3540 days ago
    Mary...we are all wearing the same pair of sneakers! We are here because we love food and we like the wrong foods and in our country the garbage foods are all around us. The scream out from the TV...the smells come at us from the restaurants we pass...and as for dieting and gaining the weight back++++ I am the Queen of Yo Yo tournaments...
    I emptied by closets of all my hot foods...and I made some healthy life food changes that I enjoy...bananas and apples...I like them...I could have chocolate chip cookies, but they are equally good and I can get something else chocolate at another time...instead of supersize Mc D's French Fries I get a small one once and a blue moon...I don't deny myself, but I don't go crazy any longer...and that's been a long road...maybe its the medication that has me not longing for sugars and sweets...but I won't ever leave Spark People because it keeps me looking at myself and supporting others who need the support...and we all have ups and downs and are in dire need of support...We are here in the "Food Boat" and we have to bail it out... emoticon
    And after saying all that...I'm off to make dinner! a reasonable portion controlled dinner with foods that I enjoy...
    3541 days ago
    Oh Mary, once again you have hit the nail on the head with this blog entry. As many others who have commented, I can completely relate, especially lately with all the summer cookouts and parties. You know, I really thought that I had changed my methods, just like you. But then all that food is placed in front of me, and it is impossibly hard to say no and control what I eat. As you do, I greatly enjoy food and would gain a lot more weight if I wasn't on Sparkpeople. But at least you have recognized this weakness and you can move on and grow stronger from it. Hopefully, in more time, you will be better able to control that weakness and abstain completely from indulgences. I hope I can reach this point sometime too. Thank you for writing such honest and true thoughts, because I've certainly entertained the same thoughts recently myself.
    3541 days ago
    So I will gut it out on willpower while waiting on that process.

    I wanted to cry when I read this!!!
    I allow myself to lapse while I work it out. DANGEROUS!!

    That joy of eating is what has me in this position now. I was ENJOYING putting cup after cup of my favorite cereal with cup after cup of my favorite milk... and nuts galore and chocolate pudding... and.... and....

    After a while You feel disgusted with yourself. Like you said to me earlier I'm letting the food decide what I will eat.

    Sometimes I am simply fed up of holding it all together. I need my brain for other tasks... then I remember how important all this is to me...

    There is a HUGE YES to slimness shouting on the inside of me. That is the REAL me... the me whose thighs do not jiggle on the spin bike. (side effect of the early stages of weightloss)
    The me who can finally fulfil a lifelong dream of learning and dancing ballet.

    Sorry for starting my own blog on your blog but you REALLY REALLY inspired me. I'm so proud of your self control!
    3542 days ago
  • NEED2LOSEN2010
    Thanks for sharing so honestly. I'm fearful that I can relate a little to well.
    I don't have any words of wisdom. Just wanted to offer a little encouragement. I believe you can do this. Stay strong. You offer such encouragement & insight to so many, myself included. Wish I could do the same for you.

    3542 days ago
    Mary, I really enjoyed this post so much. It spoke to my heart, was funny, insightful, edifying...just what I needed at 11:30 pm when is should be in bed but instead I'm awake and trying not to mindlessly eat. Thank you for sharing those thoughts, it made me feel a little less warped.
    3543 days ago

    I think I understand exactly what you are dealing with.

    I, too, love to eat. And I love food.

    I especially love to eat at family gatherings and celebrations. For me, food is an important part of those occasions - and I feel deprived when I can't partake fully.

    As I began to write a response to you - it became too lengthy to include here.
    So I have written my own blog about how I have been dealing with these same issues at the beach this summer.

    I hope my story helps you.

    3543 days ago
    This isn't about eating, of course - it's about feeling. It's emotional eating in disguise. You're not wanting 'more' because you're stressed or anxious or depressed, at least, it doesn't sound it. In these cases, you want more because you're associating it with family, celebration, good times, socializing... Better reasons than feeling down, but emotional eating nonetheless. So what's to be done? Being aware of what you're doing is a big step. Trying to exercise some control and self-discipline is good. I agree with you about being better off just to avoid some foods: Ritz crackers, certain kinds of chips, brownies, even Animal Crackers - one's too many, a million aren't enough, and like you, there are things I would rather delete than try to control my cravings.

    When I was in my 20s I had a boss who was probably in his late forties. Occasionally he would come into work (I worked at a college, and the professors didn't have 9-to-5 hours) really early. I soon learned that meant he'd had insomnia the night before and finally got up and came into the office. I would think 'Poor guy... He probably doesn't exercise enough, so he's not tired out.' Now, I realize that wasn't likely his problem - he was very fit, and played sports, and was very active. Occasional bouts of insomnia or 'short sleep' is just part of the aging process. I have it myself from time to time.

    I once read that, when he was in his late 80s, Fred Astaire would often have a boiled egg and a piece of toast, with perhaps a cup or two of tea or maybe a piece of fruit... not for breakfast: for the entire DAY. He told the interviewer that he weighed the same as he had during the days when he was at the top of his game, dancing for hours and making movies. In those days (he said) he could eat like a horse. After he turned 80, he found that although he still danced (tho I doubt he put in as many hours!) if he ate the least bit too much he would gain weight. And he discovered that, while his 'head' wanted more food, his body really didn't, and eventually he found the right amount that kept him healthy without gaining - or losing - weight.

    What I'm getting at is, do you think the cravings for bigger quantities of food could be echoes of when you were younger and could eat more without gaining weight? Could it be a signal to rethink how you eat? That is, not just in terms of quantity - sure, you either need to eat less or exercise from the moment you wake up till the moment you go to bed, especially if you are trying to lose weight. But what if you rethink HOW you eat the foods you do? Five equally-spaced 'mini-meals' per day instead of three good-sized ones... Save the last one until just before you go to bed, forget the business about it adding weight, so you will have an additional aid to help you stave off eating more at other times ('I will wait on having THAT since I will be eating before I go to bed').

    Well, dunno, Mar. 'Tis a quandary. For what it's worth, I'm convinced you're doing the right thing in recognizing the situation and doing some thinking and some self-analysis. And just like my boss and like Fred Astaire, there are some things about getting older that nobody tells us and we just have to learn, figuring them out for ourselves. Please keep us posted. :-)
    3543 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/21/2010 3:27:57 PM
    Mary ... I can relate so much! I love food! I'm ok most of the time because I've upped the quality of food that I eat on a day to day basis ... BUT ... parties bring out the mindless food demon in me!

    If I don't eat mindlessly during those times then I have to deal with two very distinct feelings that I have. First, sometimes I just don't feel comfortable in a crowd and I just munch away the time until the party is over. Second, sometimes I just like to munch while sharing good times.

    The first feeling is more of an internal issue that I need to keep working on. Afterall, I'm always going to be in situations that I'm not particularly comfortable in.

    The second is a habit ... hard to break because I really like it.

    I don't know what the answer is. I don't see a problem overindulging at a party IF I can reel myself in the next day. The problem with me is I'm not there. I have been able to get back to eating really well within a couple of days to a week or so ... short enough to know I'm making progress but long enough to know I have not arrived.

    I do know this ... I have to continue to peel away the layers and deal with them. That is the only thing that is really going to set me free!

    Oh yeah ... Ezekiel breads and Fage yogurts are life savers to me ... yum!!!

    3543 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/21/2010 2:31:12 PM
    great blog.. and I can see how so many of us can relate to it.. first an big hug and then a pat on your back for dpoing so good.. you will get thru this and even if you ate one burgers once you will be fine.. love your blogs as always..
    I love love sweets .. If I ever set my foot in, in one of the Indian buffet restraunts.. belive I am eating deserts as appetizer, entree and desert.. but now that I dont eat as much sweet I really crave more fruits .. keep the blog coming let us know how your wait it out plan worked. emoticon
    3543 days ago
  • no profile photo CHANCYPIE
    As usual your blog is painfully honest, and you are brave to put your innermost thoughts out there. I do empathize with you in many ways, but I do not agree that we overeat because "we all like to eat". To know intellectually what happens when we overeat, yet to willingly do it anyway. . . I don't think that has anything to do with "liking to eat". The people I know who are naturally thin, active and healthy appear not to think about eating at all (and here WE are measuring, counting, weighing and planning ever morsel). I would like to get to a point where I don't think about food at all, except as sustenance, where I automatically buy only healthful foods, eat only when I am truly hungry and am no longer even slightly tempted by "trigger" foods. I would like to be able to get my life focused on ANYTHING besides food. That's my vision of Utopia.

    I hope you will continue your insightful blogs. They are always thought provoking.

    Best wishes, Nancy
    3543 days ago
  • SWAZY33
    Making better choices was harder for me when I had all the junk food in the house *for the kids*. It was too hard for me to resist the chips, etc..sayin' i'll just have one serving. I would actually measure it out, eat it and then proceed to eat half a bag! haha. Now, the pantry is filled with healthy treats and fridge with a lot of fruit and veggies. Portion control is huge issue for me too...getting much better but it's always a struggle. Spark and my friends like you have helped me so much in this journey:) Thanks for sharing :)
    3543 days ago
    Complacency is a HUGE problem! Every time I hit a new low number on the scale, I get cocky and subconsciously think I deserve a treat or that I'll be alright if I lay off the exercise. This struggle has been lifelong for me; I was a chubby little kid. I sometimes feel sorry for myself that I have to work out so much and eat so little to lose or maintain weight loss. "It won't hurt to eat this huge piece of cake...Sally's eating it and she looks just fine."

    My bottom line is that I too, LOVE TO EAT. In fact, it's a running joke between my husband and I. I'll say "I like to eat" when I'm complaining about having to be so vigilant all the time. Or my husband will say, "I know you like to eat!" When outsiders ask me why I work out so much, I tell them "Because I like to eat!"

    You're doing great. As Jesus and the US Department of Homeland Security says, "Be always vigilant!"
    3543 days ago
    I could write this on some days... one thing that may help: think about how you reward yourself for your efforts. I find if I am nurturing myself in other ways, the desire to fill up the emptiness with large quantities of comforting food lessens. Not that it ever goes away permanently... there will be times like this!

    Hang in. You are worth all the effort you put in, even if it feels like walking through quicksand at times! And hopefully there will be a few to encourage each other past those tough spots... to permanent health and well-being!

    3543 days ago
    You have done it again.. I so enjoy reading your blogs. You are an inspiration to us all. I do love food too. I do real good most of the time food wise. It is the workouts that I need to get back on track. Best of luck to you, and thank you again for a wonderful blog!!
    3543 days ago
    I was intrigued by the title of your blog. I appreciate the honesty of what you had to say....your right-we are here on Spark, b/c we like to eat. Portion control is a big part of the lifestyle change. I have found that my cravings have changed ALOT. I like fruits and veggies and I eat a lot of chicken and fish. However, the chocolate cravings haven't ceased LOL.

    I hope your son had a great birthday party, and remember it's perfectly fine to give into those want cravings every once in a while, it's part of staying on track. So, you won't feel deprived and then binge.
    3543 days ago
    I appreciate your honesty and I can totally empathize. Good for you for figuring out something that will work. :D
    3544 days ago
    This blog is as thoughtful as your comments on all of our blogs. The process is so complex I believe because it is extremely individual. What seems to be exactly what one person needs does not work for another person. What makes one of us feel right about it all, feels awkward and uncomfortable for another. And thus, as we each explore the options, we learn more and more about ourselves and how our bodies and our minds work together (or not).

    For me, one of the best parts about SP over any other book, article, program etc.. is the VARIETY of options, perspectives, tips, tricks, realities, ideas, successes and challenges. And we get exposed to it all. There is nothing that is "all or nothing" about this site. And we are able to educate OURSELVES and then decide for OURSELVES what works for US.

    So today you have given us all a huge huge gift: insight into how you are looking at this part of your journey.. how you are dealing with it. For some of us this will be the perfect thing to hear today. For others, we will store it in our minds and pull it out when we are ready. THANK YOU for this gift.

    You are a special individual, Mary :)
    3544 days ago
  • MRSSASS2010
    I want to recommend a book to you that I just finished last night. I think it'll help you at this important moement in your journey. It's called "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth. (It's not religious) and it has helped me tremendously.

    Cheering for you!

    3544 days ago
    Great blog with honest thoughts that make us all think. I'm a chips and nut kind of gal myself. I could never eat another cake, cookie, chocolate, etc and not miss them.

    I feel like I've got things under control. I sail through most days staying well within my calorie range and never feeling deprived, but it would only take one slip up to spiral out of control. Last winter I gained over 10 pounds back and just now am almost back to what I was at New Years! It's scary to know that one or two trigger foods could cause me to be out of control.

    Keep up the great work and take one day at a time.
    3544 days ago
    My Dearest Mary,
    You are correct with saying this is not unique to just you! Please do keep blogging as I feel this may help you and others including myself! The reason I say this is because believe it or not I lost 60 pounds once upon a time! It all came back on me and more! I think it was because I got to the point or stage you are now talking about! I went berserk with a Capital B! Please figure out how we get past this stage so when (if I ever do emoticon )get this far again I'll know what to do! My eyes are on you! As you have become one of my prime examples that "It can be done, and it will be done, and it will stay off this time!"

    I too can remember this happening to me! As I see it we have a choice to make here at this line! I chose the path last time of giving in to these feelings and cravings and losing what I worked so hard for! I want to be able to make the other choice this time! I have to make the other choice this time for my health!

    I too started out with the same four bad habits and more!Birthday parties and family gatherings are really were I mess up! It's getting better though as I have put everyone in my family on a life style fitness change with me! So they are watching me! emoticon While I am watching you! My dad was the last to go! He is doing Nutria System which I applaud him for just doing anything, as that is better than nothing at all! He has lost 15 pounds so far! emoticon

    What I am trying to say Mary is if it will help you any---I have declared you one of my heroes now, my example to follow! So you have another reason to get past this point! Read, do a google searching for others that have experienced the same thing! Do what it takes, and if I can help in any way please let me know! You are a special lady that if anyone can do it on will power you can!

    I don't know what to say except I declare you have been put in the spotlight and all of America is watching! You can do this as it is just a hill of beans compared to what you already have done!

    Your challenge has been given you! I will be watching, and I will be tuned to this same bat channel tomorrow!I'm sorry I didn't mean to turn you into Bat Woman! emoticon emoticon for sharing! emoticon emoticon

    3544 days ago
    You are amazingly honest with yourself and that is a giant step towards towards controlling your conflict over food. We all are fighting our food demons and I think that the majority of sparkers are dealing with some type of emotional eating dilemma.

    We eat because we're upset, bored, anxious, or stressed. We eat because food is there - it's available. I am a food addict. I know now how to make healthy choices and I enjoy healthy foods, but I really would rather have sweets. I'm a sweet eater - especially chocolate. My portions were never good with any type of food, but give me a chocolate cake and a quart of ice cream and I'm a goner. I've discovered Skinny Cow desserts - I love their cones, but some nights I really could eat the whole box.

    I love being thin, but in the back of my mind I'm scared that I will start eating mindlessly again and regain the weight. I think we all feel like this and it is a struggle. I know I have to be constantly be in control of every situation and I need to keep telling myself how far I have come. I would like to take a day and reward myself by eating anything and everything, but I'm afraid to fall off wagon because I am a FOOD ADDICT.

    You are further a head in the game then you think - just keep being honest with yourself.
    3544 days ago
  • ANDI571
    I also to love to eat and miss eating a basket of chips and salsa instead of 4 or 5 chips, a whole baked potato instead of half, etc. I also get tired of having to think about portion control. How come the elation of wearing smaller clothes, or walking 2 miles without huffing and puffing, or just being healthy can not over power the want to eat what ever I want, when I want?

    I have learned my triggers when it comes to stress making me want to eat for comfort, but it's hard when you just plain want to eat to your hearts content. Eating is enjoyable while dining with friends and family.

    Great words for all of us to think about. We will get through this together.

    3544 days ago
    I can empathize, too. For me, this time around, something "clicked" and I found it easy to go for the long haul, slow weight loss. I have that fear that whatever "clicked" will "click off"---after all, I didn't consciously do anything that I am aware of to have that "click on"...and then I will slide back into the abyss. I'm not being overdramatic, but I do think about that sometimes.

    I think that plain out food lust is all in our pasts (and could lurk again in the future if we let it). I have some cohorts who have found a way to lose weight and keep it off...but they too bounce up and down. They just know when to reel it back in and get things under control again. But me, I'm probably someone who needs to keep a fairly tight lid on things. I have to work with my relationship to food.

    Mary, hang in there. You can figure this out. I just know it.

    I really appreciate your honest digging into your relationship with food.

    I suspect that some rebellious part of you doesn't want to have to watch what you eat. That little kid wants to be a rebel and just eat and eat and eat--so there!!! But the thing you've got to do is to face why that kid is wanting to eat...and come to terms with it.

    By the way, I like to feel stuffed, too. I love eating. Yum. So tonight I ate big. Had two and a half cups of green beans, two sausages, and two slices of canteloupe with blueberries (don't ask me why I ate in twos tonight, I just did). Felt very full afterwards, but not so full as I couldn't end with eating two dark chocolate caramels. So I ate all the way up to around 1600 calories for the day (I was within my calorie range).

    I think it is OK to eat a lot sometimes. It just has to stop. We have to create boundaries and limits for ourselves without feeling deprived. That's the tricky part. For some reason, given that I was eating twos, I could stop at 2 caramels (170 calories total) and call it good.

    Ah, the little tricks we play. It is all part of getting to know ourselves better. And to constrain our inner rebelious child.
    3544 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/20/2010 10:23:49 PM
  • REJ7777
    Great blog! You are so honest. emoticon

    If we didn't LOVE to eat, we probably wouldn't need SP. Oprah calls us "foodies". We love good food and lots of it!

    You express our dilemma very well. We have conflicting desires. We want to eat whatever we want, whenever we want and still be thin and fit, and this without doing one iota of exercise. But we tried that, and it didn't work. The pain of being overweight and unfit pushed us to find a solution. But, as we "pay the price" for a healthy weight, we miss the "whatever-whenever". I guess it boils down to what we want MOST. emoticon emoticon
    3544 days ago
  • SHERRY257
    Great blog! I sometimes feel this way. Sometimes I would just like to eat without thinking. I know you are doing great because I see it in all your pictures. I'm glad you son had such a great birthday, what a blast! emoticon
    3544 days ago
    As I stated earlier, I can empathize with you completely. The positive here is that you recognize this "stage" for what it is. A stage. I wish you well as you try to tough it out and work throught the thoughts, emotions and cravings. You know all of here want the same thing. For ourselves and for each other. You'll get through this, Mary, and be better prepared for next time. Because as we all know, there will most likely be a next time. Like I learned in a training session years ago: "If it doesn't kill me, it makes me stronger."
    3544 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.