TGIF... Not so much..

Friday, August 06, 2010

Well, good news is that the book I am reading (The Girl who Played with Fire) got into a really intense place while I was walking yesterday, so I cannot wait until my walk this evening to find out more details. There would be a double homicide as I reached 28 minutes of 30. I almost kept walking, but I have to remind myself that while doing P90X and still being unsure of how many calories I am burning, I should not risk putting my body into starvation mode. Cannot wait for my HRM, should be here on Monday or Tuesday (yay).

Onto other good news- I think my stomach issues are coming to a close. I have promised my body that I will never again do another Atkins-esque diet. :] I don't like the idea of dieting AT ALL in the first place. In the past I would always try to just burn off the calories and never change how I ate. Now, yes I have restricted my amount of carbs and upped my protein, but I don't feel like it's a diet. It is just controlled, I don't drink as much, I don't eat as much pasta as I would in the past, etc etc. But, I don't feel like I'm really missing out, and I like it. :] I like how healthy food feels in my stomach, I love my energy levels. And I also like being regular, haha.

We ended up doing Kenpo X instead of Yoga last night. Candace was just having a really hard time with the Yoga. She thinks it is because she is much more overweight, and promised to come back to it in the future, but for now doesn't feel comfortable doing it. I can't complain much, we only plan on working out together 5 days each week anyway. So we moved things around and I will be doing Yoga X on Saturdays by myself and she and I will be doing Kenpo X together on Thursdays. Works out great. Has anyone else done this and felt completely uncoordinated with the Kenpo moves? I am hoping that it will get better with time, lets just say that I am not much of a boxer...

The situation with her husband is getting worse, or maybe I just didn't realize how bad it was. He put her on the ground with their child in her arms, and that disturbs me. He has always had some psych issues, but always controlled them. I am not sure if he is off his meds or something, but she said he has been screaming at himself and talking to himself much more than usual. It scares me. I am not sure that advise to give her. It is easy for me to say "he SHOULD be helping you around the house, he SHOULD be glad you are wanting to better yourself" and so on, but it is hard for me to know even what to say when he is pushing her around, and when he is yelling at himself...... Do I tell her to leave NOW, instead of waiting until she is financially stable? Is that really my right? What about the fact that they share a house and currently she wouldn't be able to afford to go out on her own, and would end up losing the house? I don't even know... She says if things continue on this path, that after they refinance and get their mutual debt paid off she plans to leave him (next year) but what if that never happens?

Blah, it is a lot to think about. I hope you enjoy your weekends, it is drill for me. And my best friend's last weekend before she moves back to school, which makes me sad. :( But she is going for her masters, so go her! And I will still visit her on weekends, because I love her. :] Family day is Sunday at the unit, so that should be easy enough, I just hope it's a smooth sailing weekend.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I have asked Candace about moving with her family (her mother is very supportive) but being that I have only met her mother a couple of times and am not one of Candace's closer friends, I don't feel comfortable approaching her mother about it.

    Her husband is very insulting to her and does accuse her of cheating on him and discounts her need to lose weight and be comfortable in her own skin. I have only recently known this (seriously- this week). I have never even seen them argue other than the typical bickering couples have randomly. It has put me in a bit of shock. I feel like I have to take cues from the way she acts toward me while we are together 5 days a week, and I will continue to listen.

    I understand that a lot of women who don't seem the type to be abused are, and I am not discrediting that. I am simply stating the way that I observe the situation and the confusion that is going on inside of me. I will do what I can for her and what I feel is right.
    3769 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/6/2010 2:25:45 PM
    I think you have every right to voice your opinion on the matter. She's your friend and her wellbeing matters to you. To you, she might seem to be the type who wouldn't "take that" from a man, but domestic violence creates a dynamic that many people who "don't seem the type" find themselves in. It doesn't happen overnight, and it's not always so obvious as bruises and cuts. It takes time, it's manipulative, and it's the abusive partner ever-so-carefully planting the seeds of worthlessness, doubt, and guilt in the mind of the victim/survivor. It's that guilt that keeps women in violent environments, and guilt is soemthing which women are conditioned to feel in most every aspect of their lives, whether it relates to food, work, school, or family.

    Another poster pointed out that the child is learning the behavior. This is absolutely correct. Children learn behavior in the home, and learn that it's okay for boys to hit girls to get what they want, and that women deserve it. Domestic partner violence can present itself as casually as put-downs about losing weight and accusing the healthy partner of cheating, to more obvious verbal/mental abuse and straight on to physical abuse. ((Actually, if you find that thread about 'not-so-supportive" spouses, you'll see a fair amount of verbal abuse toward the female partner)).

    Your friend is in a DANGEROUS situation, child or not. SHE is in danger, and HER LIFE matters. That house won't do her much good if she's dead at the hands of her husband. He could very well have mental-health issues that make him this way, or he could just be an abusive man.

    Can you offer her shelter, or point her towards resources that get her out of that house and into safety? I don't know if you're *obligated* to do anything, but as a friend, I would try my damnedest.
    3769 days ago
    Yay for your stomach issues getting better!!

    As for your friend she is definitely going to be in my prayers. She is being put in a very tough situation, but if the child is in potential danger than she needs to leave or go to therapy with the husband. It is frustrating when children are involved because they can not defend themselves. If she is telling you these things then it is good that she trusts you to confide in. I'm sure you will find a way to help her.
    3769 days ago
    Yuck, that poor girl :( Divorce is super expensive, as is living along...but he sounds violent! What if something serious happens? I'll keep her in my prayers.
    3769 days ago
    That's a really sad situation for your friend. I'm sure it makes you feel helpless as a friend because it's hard to find the right words to say, and even then you don't want to interfere in other peoples business. On the other hand it's your friend and you wish you could tell them to seek help or just leave, but it's never that easy (debt, children, etc.). Hopefully things work out for the best for her.

    She is very lucky to have you as a friend.
    Have a wonderful weekend!
    3769 days ago
    I agree she isn't in a healthy environment, and I agree she needs to leave. She says she has a plan, as far as when she will be able to leave him (and still keep her home which she was already buying when they got married). I am just concerned if he is having these episodes... She seems so calm about it, and she isn't the type to hide bruises or let a man beat up on her (more the type to stab a man...) so that is what is so confusing. When I tell her I am concerned for her, she tells me that she has a plan and that everything is going to work out fine.. I hope so.
    3769 days ago
    Tell her to leave!!! She is in danger and putting her child in danger if he is knocking her on the floor plus her child is learning the behavior, I don't care how young the child is he/she shouldn't be seeing this behavior or subjected to abuse. There are places that she can go and who will help her. I don't know where in your area but there must be someplace. If she can't leave now she needs to plan. She needs to start putting money aside and making plans! PLEASE, PLEASE help her be safe. It is no good to exercise and eat healthy if living in an unhealthy environment! If he is experiencing psychotic episodes she is in very real danger!!!!!
    3769 days ago
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