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I've Been Livin' Someone Else's Life and Now I've Got to be Free

Monday, August 09, 2010

Ha, I have done it.

And they said it couldn't be done.

Okay, well maybe THEY didn't say it.

Maybe I did.

Uh, what?

Oh yeah. Forgot -- the only person in my head is me, so I shall explain.

I currently weigh 171.8 lbs.

I have lost a total of 174.2 lbs., which is just about what my husband weighs (no divorce jokes, please).

Oh yeah, baby!

I have lost over half of my body weight.

Hell, I'm .8 lbs. away from having lost 175 pounds.

Am I done?


Got another, erm, 25.8 to go.

I am still overweight.

I still have nights where my hand dips into cereal a little too much, although I dip less, and it is cereal and not chips.

I still have clothes in my closet that are too small.

I still need to be faster at 5Ks.

I still order pizza for company events (it's cheap -- I wish other stuff was cheaper and easier to stretch, but there you have it).


I am living my own life now. And it's a pretty decent one, if I do say so myself.

See, I think Billy Joel got that lyric right, the one in my title. We get fat, we get tired, we get complacent. We get sick and doughy and slow and winded. And we are -- who are we, again? That is not us.

Sure, we tell ourselves that it is us. We accept it and let it wash over us, until the years have gone by, and those years tumble into decades and we ARE the fat person. We are whoever that is.

But we aren't. We are inside, struggling to get out. We are in the fat cage, and we need to break free of it. Ever see a prisoner of war escape movie? There's action, to be sure, but the real work is in the slow, steady dripping, the chipping away of mortar, the careful forging of documents and the slow sewing of civilian clothing from scraps and bits of thread, with a needle made by grinding a nail on stone.

There's another line in this song: "But there's gotta be more to life than just try, try, try" and, I'm sorry, Billy, but you got that one WRONG.

Trying is all we've got. We do, we attempt, we work, we wrangle, we dance around, we pump, we measure, we haul ourselves and our lives from Point A to Point Z, with Q and S and all the others in between. And trying is actually good enough.

Did you know that? It's true.

Because if all we saw in our lives, if all we celebrated, were perfect successes, we'd never get off the ground. We'd never do, we'd never haul, we'd never get there.

I am eight-tenths of a pound away from 175 off. I am a bit doughier than I was a year ago when I was actually 10 pounds heavier. I am slower in 5Ks. I am not living it perfectly and completely correctly, not always honest and right, delicate, careful and true.


I say, celebrate today, for what it is.

I have been living someone else's life.

I don't care about them any more.

Time to be free.

Come along. I have room in my jalopy. But I call shotgun.
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  • no profile photo CD4749243
    Flip side: Yoda said there is no try. I read that as make up your mind and do it. Something I've never quite done. . . not trying hard enough?


    Nice blog as usual.
    3644 days ago
    What an inspirational blog, and what an inspirational person you are. Thanx for being my SparkBuddy. :)
    3644 days ago
    Very inspiring & so true. I've had & still have so much to deal with, but I am finally feeling like I'm not a hostage held within a fat suit. Keep up the awesome work!! I have ways to go as well, but with inspirations such as yourself-I can make it!! emoticon
    3645 days ago
    emoticon Congrats! Your journey is inspiring!
    3645 days ago
    This is emoticon !

    "We are inside, struggling to get out." OMG, yes! I've felt for years that I'm a thinner person trapped in a fat body! I don't feel fat, really, until I look in the mirror or I feel pain in my knees. I used to be trapped in a bad mindset when I was in a bad marriage, and when the X left, I gradually improved my mindset. Now, I'm struggling with what I want to do when I "grow up" (in my career, such as it is, which is why I love reading your blog about what you're doing!) and struggling to get out of the fat body. I'll get there eventually.

    emoticon on declaring your freedom from someone else's life! Keep up the good work!

    - Karen
    3645 days ago
    You are an amazing inspiration! I could really relate to the fat cage/prisoner metaphor. I've only really seriously started the sp journey at the end of June but feel (for the 1st time in 17 years) that I really can be outside what I feel like is trapped inside. Thank you for taking the time to write this blog (and share your journey). It gives me hope! emoticon
    3646 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Whats left to say.You are great
    3646 days ago
    This is one of the most moving blogs I have ever read. You have really made me think.
    3646 days ago
    You so inspire me!!!!

    Congrats on everything!!!

    3646 days ago
    3646 days ago
    You're amazing. All respect to you for your perseverance. Great blog.
    3648 days ago
    Great job - you should be so happy. And you are right do it for you. Keep up the great work.
    3648 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3648 days ago
    Let's GO FOR IT!

    Your DH better watch out, the gauntlet has been thrown down! :-)

    3648 days ago
    I'm in! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3649 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Congratulations!!! That is an accomplishment certainly worth celebrating!!
    Maybe Billy meant "But there's gotta be more to life than just try, try, try and not getting anywhere"....but that didn't rhyme. Cause otherwise I don't know what he means....trying is all we have. Anything we get without trying is random. And not repeatable or sustainable.
    Think there's a reason I am not a lyricist?

    3649 days ago
    Wow thank you that was an awesome blog. And so true. It's crazy how a lot of people don't give credit to trying, it's either you do or you don't, you win or you lose, and that thinking is stressful and just not right to me.

    Thank you and congrats on getting closer and closer to your goals. emoticon emoticon
    3649 days ago
    Amen to that.

    I am a bit doughy too compared to 6 months ago, but still doing way more than I have ever done before. I keep pushing myself, not just physically but emotionally as well. I'v done things this year that were so far out my comfort zone that I wouldn't even think it was possible to be this person that I am now.

    How cool to be half the person you were..., and yet have such a bigger life. Good for you.
    3649 days ago
    I totally hear you.

    I feel like I'm living someone else's life. And I don't know whose it is, but they can't have it back, because it's MINE, now! LOL
    3649 days ago
  • TIME4ME2010
    Loved this! Thanks for the reminder that we need to live our own lives, just what I needed to read this morning!
    3649 days ago
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