Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I often ask my self WHY ? How can you tell whether it is god's will or just bad luck. Well all my plans have been derailed again. My knee surgery is off and my neurologist informed me that the MRI results say I need to have neck surgery as soon as possible. Within the next two months. She is currently trying to get me into the first available surgeon that she trusts. She has increased my morphine and I now get to wear a soft cervical neck collar for part of the day, that is if I want to lift my head to eat or use the computer. I am not sure how to diet ,keep the weight loss going and exercise while being flat on my back. I have learned from sparks to try and find the positive in all circumstance and that I am looking forward to surgery hoping it will help with all the lower body pains. I am looking at this as a blessing, not a curse. There has to be a reason. I refuse to believe it is all bad luck ! I still have my goals and I still want to move out and get a new life on my own. Maybe it is better it happen now while I am not totally alone. He hasn't stepped up to take care of the things I do and some things I have had to ignore for now. I have been working all summer on getting the lawn really healthy before winter and it is starting to die out. Things like not being done like not being able mop my floors bother me. He is so unreliable he put his ice cream in the fridge. If I hadn't gone for an apple we would have had a huge mess that I would have had to clean up. Once I get the surgery thing going my friend will be here to help me.
I have noticed a trend on sparks lately. There have been so many people not just myself getting bad new, so many heart ships. This has also had me asking why, why these people whom I care about. Is it punishment or just challenges to see how committed we are to a healthier life. How do you know when you get an answer from god. When do you know to stop trying? When do you stop praying for your friends and the strength to get healthier?