A small victory today - the first in several months
Monday, September 20, 2010
Ate OK during the whole day. Went early to bed, woke up and felt "like something". Went out and found the chocolate. Opened Spark, filled in the food for today, looked at the calorie balance, was proud of staying within the intended range, found some water, drank it, felt satisfied and no chocholate hunger any more. Left the stuf on the table beside my bed, and answered some e-mails insted.
Maybe I am slowly coming back in control?
Babysteps, babysteps and celebration of all the small increments of good habits. Back to logging food for sure. Very ill still, lots of medicine, although it does not seem to do any change for the chemically induced pneumonia at all, body filled with water, cannot get my wedding ring off, did move my tracker backwards, to remind me that I need to stay in control, and hopefully to enjoy moving it downwards during the next weeks due to water loss. I think that can motivate me to keep going and stay in control.
Lots of stuff in my life these days.
One of the less happy tasks is that I in two days will have to fire the guy that hired me for 17 years ago. We are reducing staff, due to severe economical issues. He is objectively the one that should leave the team, he even himself worded that opinion in the group last week, but it does not change the fact that I feel like the dog biting the hand of the master. Sigh, I am looking forward to the end of this week.
But at least I have stopped stuffing the mouth now. It has been a huge tour down the slide. Lots of personal decisions have been made, it is now a reality that I will be moving to a job 5000 miles away, on another continent, leaving the family behind for a couple of years, will see them during holidays. OK - that obviously will give me a lot more time on my own - a lot more time for working out ...... but it sure is a very strange feeling to take this step.
By doing it, I can get away with only firing one of my team, else I would have had to take two.....
My life is very strange these days. I just hope that coughing will disappear before I next week will take a plane across the Atlantic for a 14 day trip. Need to do drug test while I am there, I surely hope that all the prescription medicine I have been taken for keeping the lungs inside me will not peak out in the test!
Strange life and strange thoughts these days, and a crazy scared feeling of leaving a 14 year old behind...........
Oh sh...t what am I doing?
Back to get the pieces together and focus on the baby steps and get control back in my life.